My bf is 41 and i'm 25. He's been divorced and when he knew me first, i felt like i knew an angel. he was so loving and caring to me.After 6 months of the r/ship he started to show his true colour, meaning he started to be over-possesive over me and got very jealous eac time i went out or even spoke to a fren who is a gal, wat else a guy. he will call me Bit** and use so much vulgar words to me.he will condem me like as if i was his house maid.Many times i had pleaded to him to end this r/ship with me but he still keep caling and threatening me tht if i leave him he will commit suicide and i'm to be blamed.SO i am sticking to this r/ship with tht fear and pain.i feel so abused and mentally i feel i'm not capable of anything coz he made me feel so dependant on him and he shouts and yells at me.I only wanted love and he talks so hurting to me.I can't tell this to my parents as they're old and they will get sick kowing what i went thru.how long more to go thru this?
2006-09-25 16:52:10 · 21 answers · asked by Anisha81 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This situation will only get worse. The next time he threatens to commit suicide call the police. He probably won't go through with it if you leave, but if he does, that's his choice and not your fault. This guy needs to grow up, and it's up to him. Move on and good luck.
2006-09-25 17:00:41 · answer #1 · answered by whatshisface 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been in a similar situation and watched a close friend go through what sounds like to be the same situation...She spent the night at my house so many times I can not count; b/c it eventually turned in to a very possessive and abusive relationship. I can not tell you what to do; however, it sounds to me like you already know what to do. You can not live your life and be happy if you are always trying to keep somebody else happy. You have feelings too and if you are not happy, then it is time to do something about it. Not always, but a lot of times ppl threaten to just get what they want. It doesn't always mean that they will go through w/ it. If it worries you that much then get him some help. You need all the support you can get, talk to somebody even if it is not your parents. Call your local support group, church, etc. Good luck and stay strong! Listen to your heart!
2006-09-25 17:04:14 · answer #2 · answered by Mandee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long you have to be in this relationship and so unhappy is up to you.Go into counseling and get some self esteem so you can get away from this man. Do it Right away. He is using the threat of suicide to make you feel guilty and to keep you from leaving. That is called emotional black mail. You are by no means responsible if he has mental problems. Talk with the authorities if he threatens you. Please take my advice because when I was very young I went through a similar situation and I am so lucky to have gotten away and never looked back.
2006-09-25 17:16:07 · answer #3 · answered by Bazinga 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 48 years old and male. I have had girl friends that were as much as 17 years younger then I am. It is very hard to keep up with a woman that much younger. I was ready to slow down but she was in her prime. A guy of age has to understand she is his treat and if she is coming home to him every night he should be proud. I as well married a woman that was 12 years younger then I am. I finally understood that being these women was close to being a model there was no way I could hang on to them and they was only with me because I had money and was like a dad to them. Sure they loved me and would take care of me. But it was as a dad not as a mate. And really was because of money. I learned that if I want a younger woman I have to act like I am an everyday Joe and just older. younger women did not like me then. So I picked an older woman and she is very happy and so am I.
So if this guy is acting like you say he is just scared he will loose you. And he will . You are hot and he might be thinking he is only a way though life you. Keep in mind he wants someone to set at home with your head in his lap and watch some TV. Remember he is an older man and he knows you can get away at your will. I was not that way but maybe I should have been.. Maybe I could have kept my model wife or so called trophy wife.
2006-09-25 17:06:01 · answer #4 · answered by Don K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out now. My ex husband used to threaten me with suicide all the time. I finally took all I could and 12 yrs. later he is still alive. Most likely if someone is going to commit suicide they aren't going to tell anyone about it cause they don't want anyone to stop them. He' just playing a guilt trip on you. I also had a boyfriend 16 yrs. older than me and he became possessive and jealous also. It took me 4 times to break up with him, but I finally did and have no regrets about it. I just let him know that I already had a daddy and didn't need another one. I've been happily married to a wonderful man for 5 yrs. now. Please don't waste anymore of your life on this controlling piece of sh*t. If you don't leave him it will eventually break down your self esteem and make you depressed. I wish you the best.
2006-09-25 17:01:06 · answer #5 · answered by sweet.pjs1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband did the same crap to me telling me he was going to kill himself and all the name calling. He is using a form of mental abuse on you. Sounds like he has you believing all the bad stuff he has been telling you about yourself. This guy knows what he is doing and sought out a younger woman to do it to. Believe me honey it is not going to get any better with this guy and you really don't need this kind of crap. You should go to your parents or at least one of them. They can and will help you. Sounds like you need some emotional support and who better to do that than the two people in the world who love you the most. They will be there for you 100%!!! Good luck!
2006-09-25 17:32:46 · answer #6 · answered by queenonymphs 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im only 21 but if i wanted 2 disappear from some1 i would just leave such as change my #, even if u have 2 move out the town do it because obviously something is seriously wrong wit him and u need to leave be4 he becomes harmful to u or himself. If u do want keep the relationship going i think u should suggest counseling but this is not a healthy relationship at all.
2006-09-25 16:58:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pick up and move away. Or do something else just as drastic.
You are in a situation just as abusive as if he were beating you daily. Do not tolerate it one day more. Change jobs, change residence, change phone number.
Tell your parents that you NEED to avoid him. Leave out the details if you have to. Parents, prefer to know, even this stuff.
No one, NO ONE, loves you more than they do.
2006-09-25 16:57:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will suffer as long as you allow it. You need to just dump him and get it over with. If you believe he is serious about suicide, call the police. They can ensure his safety and get him committed to a hospital if he needs it. It is not your responsibility to keep him safe. You ought to get some counseling or a support group for yourself as well. You are showing battered thinking and you need to think like your own rational self.
2006-09-25 16:58:50 · answer #9 · answered by Kuji 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
DONT Put up with it any longer. Go to the authorities about it. You need to get out of it. It is causing you suffering and paing that you should not go through, you don't deserve it. If you end the relationship and he threatens and doesnt' leave you alone, go to the authorities.
2006-09-25 16:55:08 · answer #10 · answered by ConfusedK 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋