My girlfriend is 18 (19 next week) and I am also 18 my girlfriend is taking things way to fast and I want to break up with her, however there are problums as A. She is a cutter (she threatens to cut herself if I mention anything about braking up and I can't handle that on my consionce) and B. I have no back bone to say anything, what do I do?
2006-09-25 16:38:56 · 20 answers · asked by markman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ok, this is definitely a question that I understand.
I have much experience with cutting...and though I dont appreciate the bad things people are saying about it, I wont get into that subject. People dont usually udnerstand what they havent experienced, right?
Your girlfriend can threaten you all she wants. With or without you, she will be a cutter. You need to have a talk with her and tell her that you want to break up. If she threatens to cut herself, tell her that you're sorry SHE is deciding to do that. It is ultimately her decision. She can think that you are provoking it but it is up to her. That is something I realized when I went through that. No one "makes" a person cut. She's not doing it because of you, she's doing it because she is hurt...and if she's cutting without you breaking up with her, she was hurt long before you.
I got help...and one thing is for sure, she needs it. But you cannot force a person to change. Force is soemtiems the worst thing you can do. So treat her well but break up with her. Life will go on eventually for the both of you.
Good luck...and good luck to her. What a horrible thing to go through.
2006-09-25 16:50:45 · answer #1 · answered by suzanne g 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You could gather up some courage to tell someone, like her parent, or a good friend of hers that she needs help, and you cant carry this burden for her anymore. But, if you can't see yourself doing that or don't want to get her into any troubles, you could always just sit down with her, let her know that you won't be manipulated by her threats to cut herself any longer. Many girls know exactly how to control people very well, without you even knowing it. She may just be using empty threats or sees cutting as a "Get out of jail Free card" whenever you begin to talk about something she doesn't want to hear. (Although she may be cutting herself, or threating to, if at any time you truly believe she is going to try to kill herself get help immediately, no matter what the consequences!) Either way, you've got to grow a "back bone" and say something, otherwise nothing will ever change.
2006-09-25 16:46:18 · answer #2 · answered by C 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Does she actually have pysical evidence on her body to prove she IS a cutter - some women would be sad enough to make a guy stay in a relationship by threatening terrible things like that.
At the end of the day - you cant put your life on hold for this lady = if you're not happy get out - blank out anything she says - chances are its all talk to blackmail you into staying.
If you cant say it to her face - write her a letter - explaining that its too hard to do it in person - be nice and sensitive about it and hopefully she'll understand
2006-09-26 00:59:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to get a backbone and break up with her, same as you'd dump anyone else.
Just remain calm and don't get it into an argument. Keep making your point over and over again. If she threatens to cut herself in an effort to control and blackmail you, say that you are not responsible for her actions, and that it is her choice to cut herself. Give her the number of a helpline, and then get out. Refuse all contact with her in the future, becuse this girl really sounds like trouble.
2006-09-25 16:49:26 · answer #4 · answered by Girl Machine 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Know this: You are not responsible for her actions. She is manipulating you. Don't let her. Find her some hot-lines where she can get herself some help and bid her adieu.
If she does cut herself when you break up, do not let yourself get sucked back in. She is only using her sickness to control you. She may even show you her new cuts to make you feel bad for leaving her. She is in control of her actions. Not you. And she cannot control your leaving or staying. Anyone who attempts to control their partner is abusive. Yes, control is abuse. She is abusing you each and every time she threatens harm to herself.
You deserve better.
2006-09-25 16:47:49 · answer #5 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dude if she says she will cut if u mention braking up its a scam to try and keep ya dont let her cutting excuse be on ur conscience u build up ur strength and let her know how u feel for all u know she mite not have noticed the speed she was going at u cannot ruin ur life for the fear of ruining someone elses it will depress u and lead to more drama some people cut bcos it is a genuine rush or they mite cut bcos it makes them feel better for attention i am afraid to say for those of u who may take offense or for personal reasons or to blackmail u from the sounds of things. consider all ur pros and cuns but darling u still hav to talk to her cos for an 18yr old this is a weight on ur shoulder but dont do it by urself speak to ur friends and even hers u never know they could be on ur side good luck chuck
2006-09-25 17:21:02 · answer #6 · answered by life 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a chum who could on occasion come and cry to me because of the fact she replaced into terrified of her boyfriends' strikes (all the flaws you pronounced). in case you experience that possibly your too youthful or too over whelmed then you somewhat won't know a thank you to look after this occasion. Which replaced into what replaced into incorrect along with her. individually i felt that he replaced right into somewhat manipulative, because of the fact he could tell her, " in case you harm up with me.. i dont know what'd i will do.." issues like that. yet she could no longer stand the hurting and irritating she wasnt mature adequate. and quickly she merely broke it off yet informed his mothers and dads what happend. The final day of school, he got here as much as her and individually his aroua and each little thing approximately him replaced. He individually thanked the two one people and each little thing. i think of that in case you experience such as you could no longer look after this occasion you may steer far remote from it or you may additionally the two manage it collectively by using having the guy you like some help.
2016-12-12 15:14:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She'd be a cutter anyway (wasn't she before you?). Let her know where to get help if you know and pray for her diligently, but don't let this be a reason to continue in an unhealthy relationship. You are neither her husband or her parent, and you are much too young to be responsible for her anyway.
2006-09-25 16:42:49 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do it don't take the pain it will never stop she will be /or is under a hospital let them deal with it they cant face pain they cut themselves to over ride other pains it is nothing to do with you mate walk away there is problems deep down leave it to the experts you will never get any peace so best to do it now good luck Dave
2006-09-25 17:21:57 · answer #9 · answered by Psycho Dave 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't say anything to her, but try to hang out with her less and less. Make her break up with you so she won't cut herself. I think she needs professional help though.
2006-09-25 16:43:50 · answer #10 · answered by Niki 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋