How does one develop a thick skin to withstand great betrayals in the workplace?

Question

I have been told that I have to become a shark in order to swim with the sharks. It really is not in my nature. How do you handle great betrayals in the workplace?

Answer 1

You never really "confide" in anyone but yourself - you build "alliances", but know that any alliance can turn on you.

You don't ever take anything personal - because it's not about you, it's about the position you're in. Once you understand that, you can do anything your job requires you to do.

Answer 2

You don't have to develop a thick skin, or become a shark in order to work with these kind of people. The most important thing is to believe in your capabilities and show them the best of what you can do. Keep your opinion to yourself, do not try to befriend them, but always be polite and nice to everyone. After all an office is a place where you work, not to find true friends (if you can find one true office friend, considered that a bonus). Focus on the job that you assigned to.

Answer 3

Nope, don't become a shark. We have enough of those around.

What you need to do is be careful, be wise and remember these are not your friends, they are your co-workers. That means you don't discuss really personal things, don't mingle or date after work or anything like that. You go to work and work. CYOA too by documentation of certain things that happen. Trust in the workplace goes just so far, even when it comes to your boss.

You may want to find a job and work environment that suits your character. Think long and hard about what you are doing in your current job. Is this something you really enjoy, or just doing it for the dollars?

Answer 4

Developing a THICK SKIN is not the solution. It only makes the world a not so happy place to live in.

Speak out honey.......that's the best solution. Don't be miserable with yourself by just watchin something wrong goin around you. Think Positive.....Give it your best shot at work.......and never get the thought of any shark or thick skin kinda words ever again in your mind.......You will never find peace within yourself.........

Answer 5

You don't need to turn into a shark, but you do need to learn how to stay away from their bite. I have worked with very nice and passive people that are masters of shark avoidance.

Answer 6

If you're not a shark then perhaps you may want to think about not swimming in a shark tank. However, if you have no choice, here's a few questions to consider:

Do you think you really need to be a shark to succeed?
Has the comment come out of you reacting to being 'bitten' by one of these sharks?
If so, was it another shark who told you to toughen up?
Is there anything wrong with you you are as a person?
Is there anything wrong with how you go about your job?
Do you think that being nice or ethical is stopping you from getting ahead?
Do you really want to get ahead?

I'm not being rude or putting you down - sorry if it seems that way. I'm simply asking you some questions that might help you clarify where you are at the moment within yourself.

The other thing I'm trying (subtly) to point out is that it only matters what you think. It's about you. You can't own how others react to you or what they say, but you can control and own your own behaviour, your own reactions and your own thoughts and feelings and overall, you own who you are as a person.

You should only change if you feel it's something you really can do or if it's something you think you can deal with doing. Don't change and then end up bitter, unhappy, resentful and lashing out or dealing with unhealthy addictions such as frequent, high amounts of alcohol.

It stinks, but for those of us who are particularly sensitive to barbs and judgements, we tend to somehow be open for this kind of behaviour in others. I guess that by not relying on co-workers or looking to them for happiness - that's a start. Don't make others responsible for your happiness. That's all up to you.

One way you can overcome them is to remove the power they have over you. A way to do that is to consider that they may be reacting that way out of intimidation, our of fear or out of a desire to hurt someone and you're simply the closest or easiest target. Understanding the behaviour of others or at least trying to understand it is one of the sure-fire ways I know of to let them go and stop the control they have over you.

Another way you can do it as well is to simply not react. You might be bristling and furious inside but by not reacting, you're not giving them the satisfaction of reacting. And that lack of reaction will send a clear message that they don't control you and they can't provoke you - that's what'll get them to respect you and start to back off.

One final piece of assistance I offer is for you to remember that you're not alone. Chances are that there are others you work with who are feeling like you. There's a concept called 'Professional Accommodation Syndrome' that was developed by Morrison. Morrison's syndrome basically means that when you know there's things in your workplace that are wrong and try to speak out you get shut down and eventually you withdraw and even though you know that the stuff that's going on and the way you're spoken to and treated is wrong, you're sent a clear message that you can't speak out so you either have to put up with it or leave.

I'm not sure if I've helped or hurt you, elightened you or confused you further but I wish you the best of luck - it's a tricky situation and if nothing else, you're not alone!

Answer 7

Whatever woosies, be you. Don't have any friends in the workplace. Do they pay you to work or socialize? I guess thats why I made it to be BOSS and you peons are still meat for the beast. Do your job, pay attention to detail, eat lunch alone take breaks alone, play your own role in this game. This is a job, not a god damned ice cream social. Putz's make friends with them, what? you have no other friends?, then what is the problem, do your job and go home to hang out with your friends. I'd fire these people right now. Work is for people who want to get PAID!!!

Answer 8

Set a better example for them. It's that simple.

No guarantees that it will change their behavior, but it will definitely help your peace of mind if you don't compromise on your most fundamental beliefs.

Also, the best way to deal with betrayal is not to trust people who don't deserve your trust. Just be reasonably wary.

Answer 9

I worked in a factory for 31 years. I never did learn to deal with back-stabbers and liars, and there were so many. Most but not all of them were management.

In case you think I am being nasty or making fiction, for a number of years our parent company was every year the company in the US with the most fines paid to the US government for misconduct. (We were a contract defense plant.)

Answer 10

Remember the song "Smiling Faces Sometimes:"

"Smiling Faces Sometimes"

(As recorded by The Undisputed Truth)
BARRET STRONG
NORMAN WHITFIELD

Smiling faces sometimes pretend to be your friend
Smiling faces show no traces of the evil that lurks within.

Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes they don't tell the truth, uh
Smiling faces, smiling faces tell lies and I got proof.

The truth is in the eyes
'Cause the eyes don't lie, amen
Remember a smile is just a frown turned upside down
My friend let me tell you

Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes they don't tell the truth, uh
Smiling faces, smiling faces tell lies and I got proof.

Beware, beware of the handshake that hides the snake
I'm telling you beware, beware of the pat on the back
It just might hold you back
Jealousy (jealousy), Misery (misery), Envy.

I tell you you can't see behind smiling faces
Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes they don't tell the truth, uh
Smiling faces, smiling faces tell lies and I got proof.

Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes they don't tell the truth, uh
Smiling faces, smiling faces tell lies and I got proof.

(Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes)
(Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes)
I'm telling you beware, beware of the handshake that hides the snake
Listen to me now beware, beware of that pat on the back
It just might hold you back.

Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes they don't tell the truth, uh
Smiling faces, smiling faces tell lies and I got proof.

Your enemy won't do you no harm
'Cause you know where he's coming from
Don't let the handshake and the smile fool ya
Take my advice I'm only tryin' to school ya.

Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes they don't tell the truth, uh
Smiling faces, smiling faces tell lies and I got proof.

(c) Copyright 1971 by Jobete Music Co., Inc.

- SONG HITS, Summer 1974.