how do you get over a long trem relationship?

Question

it was for almost 3 years , and we have a 14 month old daughter but it was best to get out of the relationship (it was abusive,mentaly and phyiclly) its just so HARD to do. i dont have any friend to help me grieve i need help. it was almost like we were married

PLEASE HELP

and now he's calling me and want me to be with him again

Answer 1

Just be thankful that you and your daughter are away from the abuse. She is young, but kids feel and hear more than we think they do. Believe me, you don't want your daughter growing up with an abusive father. My dad was abusive towards my mother and all 6 of us kids were affected by it, even through adulthood. So you HAVE done the right thing. I'm just sorry you had to go through it, but stay strong and don't go back to him. It will NOT improve, it will only get worse. So when you miss him, start remembering the times he hurt you, that will make you get in a positive mind set to move on with your life and make a life for you and your daughter. If you ever want to talk, please email me, I'm a good listener. [e-mail]

Answer 2

A long relationship such as yours, is not going to disappear over night. Especially when you have a child. You are going to have to deal with him for at least the next 17 years of your life. So its definitely not going to be easy. You need to keep yourself really busy. I don't know if you go to school or not, but if you don't, go back to school. Meet people. Hook up with all your old friends. Join the gym. Get a job. Hang out with family. Go out to social events. Have an occasional drink. Try to have fun. You'll get over him in no time. But because he's manipulative, its going to be really hard. He probably put you down always and lowered your selfesteem so low. So work hard to look good and feel good.

Answer 3

It is hard to get over someone after being with them for so long it does take time and it would be a big help if you had a shoulder to cry on someone to talk to keep your head up just think about how much better you can do you don't deserve no one that is going to treat you like that you need someone to treat you like the queen you are guys are stupid they always treat the good women bad but you will be okay

Answer 4

I beleive that since it was an abusive relationship, props to you for getting out of it.. It may be hard because your so use with soemone being there with you for along time to where it seems you can't live with out that someone, but if it wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be...Of course after any relationship especially long term it will take soem time to get over, but what you need to do is preoccupy yourself with other things like your daughter and life. Just try your best and keep going, only you know what is best for you...

Answer 5

I know what thats like, not having anyone to talk to. I have been with my husband for 4 years. He is mentally and physically abusive. I have not found the strength to leave yet. We have a 20 month old. I also have a 7 year old from another marriage. I just keep finding these guys. I know what it feels like to be so alone with no one you can trust to talk to. I might sound silly but my mom died when i was 7 mos pregnant with my 20 month old. since then i have noone. she was my heart and my strength. since then i lean on god. I do not know what your faith is but i know he will never forsake you, even when you feel like you have sunken your lowest. He is always there now im mever alone. I hope i helped. You did the right thing for your child. Just know that that makes you a good mom. Cling to your baby and you do it together with gods help.

Answer 6

Time is the best medicine! It takes time! You say your a mother, try calling a local church or community center they often have programs that can get you out of the house and interacting with other parents. Try a mommy and me class. There, you will be surprised are alot of single mothers looking for friends just like you! Concentrate on you and your daughter and before you know it you will be over him and moving on with your life! Good Luck!

Answer 7

i was in a 8 year marriage WITH a 8 and 6 year old it was hard to get out of. I DEMANDED he move out, i moved on but, the 1st year was the hardest. I'm now in a much better life situation SO GLAD we are not together anymore. i did have issue of wanting to be with him in the beginning of the divorce just to stop the loneliness and sleeping alone THE pain is Worth it! the end result makes it less hard.

Answer 8

There are many groups that offer help and understanding for someone in your situation. Look in the local newspaper for meetings and actually attend one. It is not easy to get over any relationship, but abusive ones seem to be the hardest because they have a completely different hold on you.

Answer 9

First of all, you need to give yourself a big pat on the pack for ending a bad relationship in which you were abused mentally and physically. You deserve better than that. You need to give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Just take it one day at a time.You are lucky, in that, you have a 14 month old daughter to go on for, and that you are not completely alone. She is dependant on you and needs your love. Pray to the Lord that he comfort you through this painful time. Trust me, in time you will see that this was a good decision you made. Its unfortunate that you still have to see him because of your child (I assume he wants to see his child.) Just take care of yourself and your baby.
God Bless.

Answer 10

Stick to your guns sweetie! You don't want your baby girl to be influenced by that kind of "father figure."

One day at a time...each day gets a little bit easier. Don't isolate. Do find ways to help others, it gets you out of your own head and keeps you from becoming so self-consumed. You will feel some loneliness. It will pass. Try to avoid seeing him or hearing his voice.

Lean on supportive family and friends. You're very vulnerable right now. Take care of yourself!