A couple days ago my husband and I got freaked out when our 18 month old fell out of a chair in a hotel we were staying at. After about 5 mins of crying she was fine but my husband wouldnt even let her out of his arms so she would scream bloody murder! He got really mad when I told him to just put her down...and after this fight he said that he doesnt want to have anymore children and it hurt me badly because before we even got married we both said that we wanted at least 3 kids but now after only 1 he's quiting! I personally think that its betrail. I guess my question is how do I cope with his decision?
2006-09-25 15:18:17 · 14 answers · asked by sjeboyce 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
yes for the person who asked if we can afford another child... I'm a nurse and my husband works for a company dealing with military weapons
2006-09-25 15:32:58 · update #1
GIVE HIM SOME TIME. Don't think that what he says is set in stone. He was obviously quite upset about what happened. One thing that is good to know, small falls like that do not hurt the baby bad. There are so many children who fall every day, they are tough, they may cry, but really, I think it hurts the parents to see it more then it hurts the child. I would give him some time to cool down. Don't discuss it for a while. After you think that he is over it, bring up the subject, but be gentle about it. Don't come at him like "you've betrayed me" attitude, because he'll be defensive. Honestly, he seems to care about your other child so much, remind him how much your other child would benefit from having another sibbling. This should tug at his heartstrings some. Anyway, best thing is to talk through it after he is calm and treat it with respect. Good luck, I hope you have many wonderful children, you sound like a good family.
2006-09-25 15:25:59 · answer #1 · answered by Serious Answers 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Your poor husband, I can see that he loves her very much and can't bear to see anything bad happen to her. Since it is your first child it is an anxious time for him as well as you. He wants to be the best father and wants everything perfect and safe. Time and experience will show him that kids do get frightening bumps and bruises. When your daughter gets older, he'll want more kids. Just calm him down and ensure that your daughter is ok. He feels responsible when baby gets hurt under his watch.
He must have felt that you didn't care for her when she fell. So, don't feel like he betrayed you. He's more anxious about the fall then you.
2006-09-25 23:05:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing. Its weird because dads get so worried about their kids. EXPECIALLY their little girls. They get so protective that maybe when he said that he was saying that because he doesnt want to go through that again. Believe me they get really protective. I have a 6 year old and her father got to the point where every step she took when she was under 2 he would stand behind her so she did not get hurt. He would not even go to the doctors with me when she got shots because he hated to see her hurting. Maybe bring the issue up at a later time. Hopefully it will go away and he will have a differant outlook when she is older. Good Luck :)
2006-09-25 22:26:01 · answer #3 · answered by **Starmomma** 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
When your mad and your fighting you say things you really dont mean...things to hurt each other...because your both feeling hurt and betrayed...i wouldnt hold it against him anymore you have a handful right now and id just wait until he cools down and asks him later. Its hard to deal with an 18 month old they get into everything be patient your dealing with a lot and so is he...give it a few days!@
2006-09-25 22:24:18 · answer #4 · answered by cutenwild1769 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honestly it just sounds like he's reacting to what happened. That's perfectly normal. I'm sure that as soon as he has a chance to calm down he will come around. I'm sure your thoughts and feelings are very important to him and if he wanted more kids before, this will probably not change his mind in the long run. Good luck to you!
2006-09-25 23:35:23 · answer #5 · answered by Ms M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. Let him know how this comment made you feel and what it means to you wanting more. Talk out a plan as how to keeo your 18m old safer and away from dangers that make him nervous. He may have said it because he was upset. Best thing to do is talk with him once he has had some time to let what happened pass.
2006-09-25 22:26:36 · answer #6 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This decision clearly came during a time of duress. Give it a few days. When you are both calm and relaxed try talking about it again.
My hubby didn't want another after we had our first (he was a very ..... trying baby) after a while he decided that he did want to have another and now we have a 4 month old.
2006-09-25 22:22:48 · answer #7 · answered by kd36 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If he told someone a secret of yours, that would be betrayal. If he slept with another woman, that would be betrayal. Changing his mind about children is not a betrayal.
Would you rather he had the three kids with you, then wound up resenting you AND the children? Maybe after having one child, he realized that he's not cut out for having more. Maybe one is all he feels he can handle. Better he tells you now than five years from now after two more kids are born.
I understand being upset if you really had your heart set on more kids, but if he's dead set on not having more, I guess you need to decide what you love more..... your husband or the idea of having more children. Lots of people don't even get to have ONE kid.
2006-09-25 22:26:30 · answer #8 · answered by squirrel 2 · 1⤊ 4⤋
yes!!! your husband had decided in his mind this is itt!! its too expensive anymore too keep kep on draging past anymore here the good old days of a station wagon full of kids is gone, accept it live with it, you dont need anymore expensive baggage screaming draging you up at nights, accept your hubby,s feelings and dont push him, the cost is getting just so high these days of raising anymore until there i8!!
2006-09-25 22:24:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Give him time. He just had a frightening experience. He may not have meant what he said but he was upset at the time. Don't take it so seriously and don't give him a hard time about it. By the way, can you afford more children?
2006-09-25 22:22:35 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋