my best friend is married and having an affair with a married man?

Question

My best friend of forever is married (15 years) and having an affair with a married man we work with. I really like her husband and his wife and hate what is happening. She says she started just for the sex and now it is just a habit and she has no feelings for him. I dont know his reasons. Should I tell her or his spouse and risk breaking up families and marriages or just keep my mouth shut? She confides in me and I have told her that I think it is wrong but she just keeps telling me because I am the only one she can talk to about it, but I just hate what they are doing to their spouses.

Answer 1

Ah yes, chicks, God love 'em. First of all, it's unfair for her to "unload" on you knowing you're friends with her and her husband. What are you supposed to do, give her your blessings? This really puts you between a rock and a hard place. Secondly, DO NOT get involved in the middle of this unless you are willing to lose her and her husband as friends. When everything blows up in their faces, guess who they're going to blame. (It rhymes with "ewe") Tell your friend how you feel. Also tell her you want to continue to be her friend, but you do not want to hear any more about this affair. She will then know how you feel about it, and that you do not want to hear about it or discuss it. End of story. Then in the future when she's just bubbling over with orgasm laden steamy details, hold up your hand and say "Tawk to da hand...." But seriously, everything happens for a reason. This will resolve itself on its own, one way or another. Trust me on this. When it does, you will have a clean conscience, no involvement and still have two friends.

Answer 2

Although you hate what they are doing to their spouses, telling their spouses is only going to give you temporary satisfaction. For starters, you run a very high risk of losing this friend that you've had for so long. She may be doing something you don't approve of, but she has trusted you enough to let you in on it. No matter how "right" it would seem to blow the whole thing wide open, it is still a betrayal of her trust.

If your conscience still has the best of you and you are intent on telling, it is probably best to find a way to tell the secret anonymously. I recommend dropping a note to the wife of your friend's lover. Since you do not know her as well as you know the other three people embroiled in all this that makes it all the less likely that it will come back on you. A simple note is best--don't identify the woman her husband is having an affair with. Just let her know its happening. If you must sign the note sign it "a friend" and make sure it is typed and not in your handwriting. The wife will find a way to get to the bottom of it.

Even if your friend is forced to call off her affair, there really is nothing to stop her from having another one. You might want to encourage your friend to go to counseling to find ways to make her marriage a happier situation for herself and her husband...or...you might want to start making new friends, friends that more closely share your own morals and values. Good luck. :)

Answer 3

This easy. First what she is doing is between her and her husband: DO NOT TELL HIM! Second, you should discontinue your friendship with her until she stops cheating on her husband. Your friend is a liar and if she would do that to her own husband and risk the marriage and the effect that a divorce would have on her family, she has some deficiencies in her character and I can only imagine what she would do to you given the chance. I wouldn't berate her or even explain but I would not continue to be friendly with her. Adultery is one of the most painful and difficult problems that married couples must endure once it comes to light. Men usually have a much harder time coping with their wives cheating than women have coping with adultery. Don't support her behavior but don't judge her because she is drunk with lust and is enjoying the no-strings attached sex so much that she will continue as long as she can. But it always catches up in the end...

Answer 4

what are you some kind of slug....take your Friend by the ear and pull her to the Bible...show her proverbs, then show her what the New Testament says about her. If she has no respect for God, which it seems as though this is the case already...you can tell her that if she doesn't have the decency to quit dragging you into her problems which you are disgusted with...tell her that you are going to set her husband up to catch her and be ready for the rebound...or even mention some woman she is envious of that is very attractive, or at least successful that would be very interested in her husband and that you are going to pass the news her way about this situation....and her poor husband won't even see it coming. Tell her marriage is a blessing from God a Job in which you wouldn't want to fail at. Continue to tell her that if she asked God for forgiveness and if she dropped the office romance...She could save her marriage now...at least before something horrible happens.

Answer 5

ask her if you would want a friend to tell HER if her husband was cheating on her. You are her friend, but you are her husbands friend too. You are complicit in this if you know about it and do nothing. The betrayed partners will find out sooner or later and they will KNOW that you knew. Tell her she needs to end it, or you won't be able to promise silence any more. At least that way your out of it, and she wont talk to you about it anymore. She's an immoral person, and I know our friends arent perfect, but I could not continue being a best friend if they were living a horrible life. What if she was stealing, or selling drugs, would you still be supportive?

Answer 6

I had a "friend" like this before. She was doing the same thing. I eventually ended that friendship with her. Number one, it made me look guilty,(my husband questioned how I could be friends with her, Secondly turns out she cheated in friendship just like she did in marriage. I found out she wasn't a very good friend at all. I would have never thought this about her at first. Then I found out she had been using me as an excuse to her husband as well., and well, she was just not a good person. I hated being around her husband,talking and being friendly with him, knowing he had a trust and respect for me, yet I'm keeping a horrible secret from him.I personally remove myself from these situations, you should too.

Answer 7

WOW! If it were me, I wouldn't tell their spouse however, I would tell my friend to stop talking to me about the situation, PERIOD. I hope she's not using you to get out of the house to see the other guy and put you in a situation where you may have to lie. Let her know in no uncertain terms that you don't want no part of what's going on.

Answer 8

Whether you hate it or not, it is not your place to tell either spouse. It will come out, but it is none of your business. You will lose your friend and make things worse for all.

Answer 9

Tough place to be. If you tell unfortunately you will lose a friend and true friends a hard to come by. Tell your friend how hard it is for you and try to work it out.

Answer 10

you maybe concerned, but it really aint none of your buisness, and you are getting ready to stir up a lot of **** if you go snitchin on everybody they are grown and I'm sure that they are well aware of the consiquences if they get caught, if you don't like it then stop feeding into it. and if you did say something do you really think their going to admitt it, then everybody is mad at you.