how can i stop being so sad about this?

Question

my husband dont notice me at all.ive done everything.from strip teases to opening the door naked.to try and wake him up at night to have a midnight snack.but he is cold.we only ha ve s e x whenever he is in the mood.and when i try to initiate, he just ignores me.i feel sad,like if i am doing something wrong.i am pretty,and look nice but he is acting like if i cant satisfy him anymore.when i try to talk to him about it,he is too busy.and the answer i get is that im just paranoid,that we have a great s e x life.i feel irritated about this situation.i love him but im loosing interest in my husband.and that is depresing me.i dont look at him like i used to anymore.i was so atracted to my husband.he is so handsome, but i dont see that anymore.he is a stranger in my own house.at night when we sleep, i look at him trying to find the man i fell in love with,and i cant find him.a friend sugested that i go for a one night stand.but thats no what i want.i married him because i love him.

i am willing to go to a sex therapist with him.but how do i get him to go, if he dont even want to talk about it.

Answer 1

Go to the therapist for yourself. He may be cheating, or he may not be. He may be having a medical or personal problem he doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about.

As far as the sexual initiation, I wouldn't waste my time trying anymore, but I wouldn't give him any either. Put your feelings in your pocket, and just take care of yourself. Make yourself your #1 priority. Just do for him the bare essentials, (make dinner, do his laundry). Don't go out of your way to do ANYTHING for him.

I'm not saying ignore him, but just don't get excited over anything he does, until he can respect you enough to notice you. It won't be easy, and it takes practice to perfect a bored look, but work on it.

When he asks why you don't care, tell him the same: he doesn't care about you, so why should you care about him? That will make him think. Good luck, write back and let us know what happens.

Answer 2

Girl, if this ain't the same song I was singing not to long ago. I know how you feel I really do, my husband had me feeling the same way. Now I'm not gone get you down by saying something is up, because who knows. My husband just needed an eye opener. Don't do exactly what I did because you know your husband better than anyone. But do this, just leave your house and go for a run or just go somewhere quiet for a while and chill out. Try to figure out what's wrong. Don't answer a few of his calls, don't tell him where you are sometimes or what you're doing, but come home when he wants you too. If he insists that you're cheating assure him that you aren't by laughing it off. Anyway just get you a few escapes every once in a while, that way you won't be doing anything wrong, and eventually he'll want you to be back at home again because he'll be feeling like you do. To make a long story short put your attention else where, but still in the right place. This worked for me so hopefully it'll work for you too. Good Luck.

Answer 3

There is sooooo much you don't tell. Are you 25, or 55? Do you folks enjoy sex when you DO have it? How often? How long have you been married? Is your child ill with a chronic condition? Does your Mother live with you? Is your husband starting a new small business. Has he recently received a new heart or kidney? But, I can make a couple suggestions. The "friend" that had the one night stand idea- get a new friend. Also, while I hate the idea that counseling is always the answer, your post suggests a whole bunch of issues besides sex. You and your husband NEED to talk. Ya gotta, even if he doesn't want to- talk to the guy. Do whatever is necessary- short of using a club. Good luck.

Answer 4

I'm sorry. Because sex is so intimate, it hurts deeply. i suspect the issue really isn't sex. Sex is the symptom of poor communication. Shared interests have faded away. He's in his own world where he is safe and comfortable.
As a rule, men are going to feel terribly threatened by talk of a sex therapist. This is why he is shutting you down on that subject. I would suggest marriage counseling. If he won't go - even w/ a bribe such as a bigger tv or whatever - then go by yourself. It will be helpful for even 1.
You can find a good therapist through y our md, pastor, or mental health association.
God's speed.

Answer 5

as you are aware there IS something not quite right. try talking to him or leave him a note or a letter asking him what the problem is. it could be he is finding pleasure else where.
WHAT would i do if i was you?
WELL i would get a diary. then everyday i would do something to please him. then the next day right in my book WHAT i had done & WHAT his reaction was. i would continue to do this for a month or so. cooking him a special meal or trying to get close to him or give him a massage. still putting down his reaction.
THEN after a month or two if things are not any different i would give him the book to read and say - please can you sit and read this then i would like you to explain what the matter is.
you may as well get to the truth than waste your life if he has found someone else. i have found you a site you may want to have a look at. good luck.

Answer 6

How stressful!

I'm trying to get my husband to be more loving with me, too. Sex isn't the issue with us, but our problems still makes me very sad.

I'm reading Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue book and it has given me really good insight into what else I can do to make my marriage more satisfying. The book is good because it teaches you what you can do to make the marriage work better. It doesn't focus that much at all on trying to make the man change.

Answer 7

Maybe you are trying too hard and he just cant deal with it? Some men just have to be the ones who innitiate things. Make no moves at all and get him to chase YOU. Perhaps he has job worries,financial worries or something? Lots of things like that make a man worry and not want to perform and unlike women they keep it to themselves. Don't take daft advice though-you are right-its your husband that you want-not sex with a stranger.Try to work out whats bothering him or making him too tired.

Answer 8

Give him secretly Viagra - he can loose hair and vision but will do his job. But that's for fun.
He doesn't know how many man are missing women like you or just 25% of like you.
He is like a doctor when the sperm hit his brain he do. But the sex is great and you like it,if happened.
Very difficult situation maybe give him some herbs or something safe to increase his libido. That's good idea. Seeing the doctor can make bad situation, but who knows the consequences - can help to for him to understand you and be more active.

Answer 9

I don't know how long you have been together or how old your man is...Let me ask this question...is he a drinker...I have the same problem, but we have been married for almost 22 years. He has an alcohol problem which has put his drinking before our marriage. I have to fight to get what I want and that sucks...What I have don't to get his attention was to get a total makeover...Change your whole appearance and attitude because if he doesn't get right you will be out of there very soon....With a new attitude...be strong don't let him get you down....

Answer 10

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/swage/
Join the club.
Things are actually looking up for me. I know how
you feel. My husband is so fine and sexy, but not
as h0R n Y as I. Something finally seems to have
clicked in him so I am willing to tell you all I said and
did. Stress and not really understanding where you're
coming (or not coming... sorry, I couldn't resist) are
the biggest reasons for the problem I think. Can you
email me?

Click on my name to the left and then click "contact
sleek." I can help, plus I have a poem you can share
with him.

Peace girl.