Okay my husband, whom I love is driving me crazy. We're in the process of moving and setting up a new house. He's So particular and fussy (in my opinion) about where to put things and how to do things. If I vacumn a rug, he will vacumn it over again, or tell me the "right" way to do it. We've been arguing a lot lately.
If I spill the dogs dish and miss sweeping up two dog food kernels he will notice and complain about the dog all night.
He's also highly allergic to dust and mold and now beleives we shouldn't have plants in the house. I already have to dust everyday and vacumn every 3 days to keep him happy but now he wants me to get rid of my plants that I love and have collected for 15 years? don't get me wrong he does his share of the housework, but I do extra just to keep him from complaining and doing it all himself which causes me to feel guilty.
I'm at my wits end. what are some methods I can use, even to myself, to be able to tolerate him and his picky habits foreve
2006-09-25 13:52:08 · 5 answers · asked by stripedbook 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Allergies are a big thing and unfortunately, plants and the mold spores that sometimes grow in their soil can make allergies worse.
That being said, it sounds like it's time to do a few things.
First, have him get tested for allergies again. Sometimes things we were allergic to before stop being problems or new ones start. Identifying the exact causes will give both of you good tools for handling them.
Second, find a compromise. If you have a spare room somewhere, maybe the plants can go in there along with an air purifier. That way you can both live together well!
Third, remove all carpeting and replace it with wood, laminate, or linoleum. It's easier to care for and helps with allergies.
Fourth, invest in one of those Roombas! Really helped me because I ran it as much as possible and it got the dust but good.
Fifth, turn over housekeeping to him. If you can't do what he needs then he either needs to do it himself or you need to hire someone.
Finally, be sure you have an electronic air filter on your HVAC. They really help.
2006-09-25 14:05:38 · answer #1 · answered by booktender 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm married to one just like him (maybe worse) so I know what you're going through. We've been married 20 yrs. My husband has multiple, severe allergies, Emphysema & a heart condition. He is also an untreated bi-polar. Not the easiest person to live with. Do whatever you can & if he wants to do it over, let him. Try not to worry about it or feel guilty. These guys are pretty good manipulators. Praise him & tell him what a good job he did with the vacuuming (or other chores). Be very glad that he does his share. A lot of guys don't do housework at all. Oh and I did get rid of all my plants. I love them too but not at the cost of my marriage or my husband's health.
It is very hard to train yourself to do even these few simple things but it really will make all the difference in your outlook on life with your husband. I don't know if you are a religious person but if you are, Pray every step of the way. I asked for guidance , strength, wisdom.& willpower to do what needed to be done. It made all the difference. Good Luck
2006-09-25 14:06:53 · answer #2 · answered by mazell41 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember that if you let resentment build, it really hurts the relationship, so these issues have to be addressed. If he doesn't have his allergies under control or isn't sure what he will react to, he needs to go to a doctor so you both know what you are dealing with. He is understandably concerned about his health, but you need to have a place for your things, too. Maybe a separate room or a greenhouse, but only if he really is allergic. Wall-to-wall carpeting is hard to keep clean - smaller rugs are easier to care for.
The re-vacuuming and dog food issues sound more serious - you are not a child and should not be treated like one. It might be a good idea to seek professional advice.
2006-09-25 14:44:01 · answer #3 · answered by UpanishadMorning 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Invest in a air purifier i have asthma and allergies and it helps soo much.
2006-09-25 14:24:09 · answer #4 · answered by amanda b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might have obsessive compulsive disorder and it would probably be helpful if the two of you go to marriage counseling to help deal with this.
2006-09-25 13:56:27 · answer #5 · answered by SunFun 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋