We have been together for 3yrs..
he cheated on me when i was pregnant in the first 12mths,just after his mum passed away..! we split for 3mths..
He went a bit funny and started seeing a shrink... she seduced him and used him for sex!! she lost her job!!
We worked things out to an extent but now i find myself not being able to forget or even trust him... i seem to go thru phases!!
2006-09-25 13:22:44 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It may be easier to forgive than to forget. That's the hard part.
By not forgiving you are only holding yourself back from experiencing good feelings. Then again.. if YOU choose to stay with this man you should know this will most likely not be the last time he cheats.
Hopefully for you and your family he will see that it is you that he loves, and needs nobody but you.
As the saying goes " Leopards don't change spots".
Forgive but always be aware of what is happening. To be aware is to be alive!
2006-09-25 13:28:47 · answer #1 · answered by notskerd 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can understand how you feel and what you have gone thru. To forgive is not an easy job. Only love can clear off the past image of unfaithfulness. Do remember that man has their own weaknesses. We can blame our man for being unfaithful, but have we ever question ourself if we have done a good job to capture our man's heart and soul even after married. We slacken most of the time and let others have chances. Again I have to say that our man needs to be more understanding and compationate during our pregnancy. There will not have any good ending or happy relationship if you don't forgive him whole heartedly. Love him with unconditional love. Happy married really needs two to tango to get the sparks.
2006-09-25 13:43:21 · answer #2 · answered by Trouble 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see where you find it hard to forgive and forget, so would I! That was wrong of him, and I personally would not forgive or forget. You know the saying screw me once shame on you screw me twice shame on me, well that pretty much describes your situation. Every woman deserves better then that! I know you are married and have children and leaving him would be hard, and from what it sounds like, you don't have leaving him in mind. If you really want to forgive and forget though (which is what I am getting from your question) then all you have to do is forgive and forget. It is not a matter of me telling you how, because I can not do that. It is a matter of you finding the forgiveness in your heart. Good luck!
2006-09-25 13:28:00 · answer #3 · answered by italianbaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are build on trust. If there is no trust, then there truly is no relationship. You didn't do anything wrong. He decided to step out. Don't stay in any type of relationship that is not build off a good foundation. That foundation is trust. You will hurt yourself for many years to come if you accept to put up with this nonsense. Aids is out there and it can very well choose you as a victim. Love yourself first before you love another. Don't be blinded by your love for that person. Save yourself
2006-09-25 14:37:16 · answer #4 · answered by 9knowledge 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trusting is not an automatic thing. It is something that you make a Choice to do. The first thing you have to decide is do i really want to be married to this Man. If the answer is yes then you have to make a conscious decision to forgive him. when you truly forgive him then you will also be able to trust him again. Talk to him don't nag or accuse just work through your feelings and let him help. He has to feel your hesitation and it has to bother him a great deal so talking will help.
2006-09-25 13:32:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't blame yourself saying that you go through "phases".
This isn't your problem it's your husbands.
He cheated and then the shrink "seduced" him. Sweetie, I don't know what type of lies he tells you but it takes two to tango... i'm pretty sure that since he is a man he is stronger then her and had the ability to push her off and refuse sex, but he didn't.
Right now, apparently due to his mothers death, he is in an emotionally damaged state of mind. Rather then forgiving him, you need to seperate yourself from him for as long as he gets counseling and therapy to help him get on a new path.
2006-09-25 13:28:45 · answer #6 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, the man cheated on you when you were pregnant, that is a no no right there, he disrespected you, to the fullest. once it's done believe me, he will do it again, there is no forgiveness, It's time to move on and be strong for your kids let this man see that you don't need his drama, find someone who will respect you at all times and most of all your kids, cause with Aids being a killer, he could of gotten you and your unborn baby sick, so my advice to you is when you are out, stay out.
2006-09-25 13:38:14 · answer #7 · answered by Tracy O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yuop...definitely serious counseling. If he can't take his share of the blame, or takes responsibility for what he did. Be careful. Am speaking as an one-time cheater.
As for your going through phases, that's understandable. On the good days, it's easier to forgive, on the bad days, it's the opposite, you're angry about what happened. Am speaking as someone who was cheated on. If he expects a smooth ride with you then ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.....
2006-09-25 13:47:20 · answer #8 · answered by webmail0806 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How you forgive, is something you are going to have to work out for yourself. Going through ups and downs - trust, no trust, is completely natural.
I wish I could tell you some tried and true way to get there. However, I can tell you that chances are, you will forgive him eventually.
2006-09-25 13:45:59 · answer #9 · answered by mrpeabody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never been thru anything like this but, i would say give it a chance and see if things work, put ur trust in him and if u really love him u would try and if things dont work, move on is all i can say.
2006-09-25 13:25:12 · answer #10 · answered by Im So Rad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋