Has anyone ever had an affair, and ended up marrying the person they had an affair with.?

Question

I have fell in love and am having an affair. Need help on what to do. I have been married for 6 years. I have known this person who I am having an affair with for the last 4 years, which she is also married. Ww both have children, which makes things even worse.

Answer 1

Wow. I was living with someone and "the other man" was married...both relationships were 2 years old. We ended up leaving the others and we have been married for 24 1/2 years now. Neither of us had children. You only have one time in this life and happiness makes life easier so I think it is time for you both to fess up to your spouses and do the proper things to amicably divorce and get together. You need to do it amicably so both of your kids are affected as little as possible. Everybody should get counseling to facilitate everything. Does either spouse have any idea? If they do they may just be waiting for proof or a confession to get the ball rolling toward divorce. I wish you all the best and hope everything works out for all of you, especially the kids.

Answer 2

It seems to me that you are doubting the sanity of your situation, otherwise you would not be asking this question. Of course you have already heard that these situations rarely become "happily ever after". "Happily ever after" is a hell of a lot of work, whether you stay or whether you go. It is probably going to be easier to reach "happily ever after" with the person with whom you have already made a commitment. You are simply further down the road, have endured more stress together, etc. etc. Affairs are generally escapist. I read once that four years is about the lifespan of an affair. Give it more time and see if you don't fall out of love with the other woman. You probably will! You probably just need to feel sexy, and it's easy for the other woman to make you feel that way because she doesn't have to put up with your bs. No offense. Take care.

Answer 3

Yes my first wife was killed in an auto accident, I'd had an affair with a lady I met while playing music in a bar, she and I had broke it off , then after my wifes death she became my baby sitter as I had a 4 month old girl, I got trapped for 9 years ina very bad marriage, that ended up in a divorce.

Answer 4

I always wondered how you'd trust someone you know is a cheat. When things get tough in your relationship will she cheat on you and you on her? What is going to make things different, so you don't and if it can be done, why didn't you "not" cheat on your spouse and she on hers?

Oh and for all those who say follow your heart, what about using your brain? If you are unhappy, deal with that problem first don't create more problems and unhappiness for other people, i.e. the children by bring infidelity into their lives. Be real men and women and deal with your problems. Get counseling, divorced or whatever you need to do before resorting to cheating.

Use your brain, THEN follow your heart. Everything we want ain't good for us and as they say it's not about what we do, it's how we do it. Have some respect. Respect for yourself, your own happiness, your spouse(s) and your children. Respect them enough to end/resolve one relationship BEFORE starting another. Nothing "just happens". If you feel yourself being attracted to someone, it's probably not a good idea to have them around or calling you on the phone.

We all want children to be responsible for their actions, but look at the example adults set. Stop with the follow your heart BS and follow what you were taught, to be responsible and respectful human beings. You are held responsible and are accountable for your decision, choices and actions.

Answer 5

I'm in your shoes honey........I had been married nine years, the past 3 or 4 have not been happy....I didn't love my husband anymore, I wanted more than to just be "comfortably married", I wanted happiness...

I fell in love with another man over a year and a half ago now, he's been married for twenty years, I had no intention of ever telling him that I was in love with him...the closer friends we became the more we learned about one another and we decided to be "friends with benefits", as we both had non-existent love lives at home...and somehow he fell in love with me too...we both have kids.

My husband and I have been seperated for nine months or so............I don't think he'll ever leave her, and I don't expect him to. what we're doing is wrong and we both know it. But we're selfish and we love each other and we are extremely happy when we're together, and want to spend as much time together as possible....and probably will until we get caught.....

I know, I can hear you all saying all kinds of horrible things about me already.......I know....It wasn't planned this way, I have never in my life even thought about cheating.....or being a mistress for that matter......but one thing I have learned is you don't get to chose who you fall in love with.........your heart makes that call, after that you're just along for the ride.

Answer 6

Either way u go about it, you're going to end up hurting other people because of your foolishness. What to do? Well, I can tell u that u should both start being honest to the very people u gave your vows to. Then, you'll probably get divorced and will break up two families all in one shot because of this. U decide as this is your life.

Answer 7

I had an affair with a lady 9 years ago. We both left our spouses and have been married 5 years. So far so good but it was really hard on a lot of people especially the kids. Mine were mostly all grown up though.

Answer 8

Unreal, your going to destroy or already have two families instead of doing the right thing.

Statistically less than 10% of affair started marriages last more than 5 years. And consider this, if she cheated on her husband, chances are when you become boring to her, she will cheat on you, much like you have cheated on your wife.

Answer 9

My best friend did but she's the only one I've ever heard who had things work out ok.

You need to slow down, step back, and reassess. It could work or it could be awful. Please discuss this with a therapist on your own. If you're going to be with your gf, then you need to divorce. If you're going to stay married, then you must leave your gf.

There's no middle ground.

Answer 10

yes, I was single, he was unhappily married. A couple of months later divorce was filed and we married a year later.... It certainly does not make it right. But you do need to follow your heart. Don't stay with your wife if you are not happy or in love with her.