The divorce was painful for me since I loved her so much, yet she was so cold about it. We have no kids, & she said reason for divorce was because I had an anger problem & couldnt understand each other. I remember begging her to give me another chance, & promised that Ill change, but no use. We divorced in July, & havent contacted since. All that I knew about her was that she recently took a job offer I found her before the divorce. I found her this job because I hated her old job & thought she was better off with something else, but she refused to listen to me back then.
Im leaving town next month, & she found out about it, therefore she called yesterday which was totally unexpected of her since she ignored me during & after divorce. She acted sweet, sounded a bit lonely & sad, & seemed like an approach to try and reestablish some relationship since she was asking too many questions such as how long Ill be away, wholl take care of my cat, & asked for a favour to repair her laptop.
2006-09-25 12:23:35 · 65 answers · asked by Zwerg 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Now, forgive me if this doesnt sound too sweet, but I think its a perfect time to let her know how terrible she made me feel. Im planning to invite her to a nice dinner, sit down with her, ask her a bunch of questions about how she really feels about me now. Ask her whether shes feeling bad, and if she thinks is this whole divorce was a mistake. Then when I get her down to the melting point, Ill hit her with the bomb, let her know that my feeling are so hurt, and that theres no way in hell ill ever let her step back into my life, and that maybe its time for her to enjoy the new life she has chosen.
Then Ill wish her good luck, tell her to never call me again, delete my email, and take a taxi back home. What do you think? :)
2006-09-25 12:24:21 · update #1
I thinkshe is betteroff without you. Youseem really cold. She reaached out an olive branch for you buddy.
2006-09-25 12:51:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you are extremely hurt, but revenge never truly makes anyone happy. Just tell her the truth of how you feel, that she hurt you and you could never see being with her again. But the whole dinner thing may make you out as vindictive and bitter. You would be the guy coming out on top as a respectable mature man, not some petty angry boy. I also believe that you need time to heal from this divorce. Leave town and do what you need to do far away from her. Take comfort that she was at least thinking about you in a positive way and not the way she was during the divorce.
2006-09-25 12:30:14 · answer #2 · answered by Pilar L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a pathetic and colossal waste of time. Get on with your life for God's sake.
The fact that she called you and sounded the way she did should be satisfying enough. Enjoy your interpretation of the event and move on.
Worse thing that could (and probably will) happen is she will not react the way you expect. As in, you won't get that big "ah ha!" moment you are hoping for. Worse, the reason she sounded sheepish may have nothing to do with regretting leaving you at all. Maybe she feels bad and wants to come clean that she was cheating on you the whole time. Maybe she heard confidence in your voice, now that your not pathetically begging her to stay and is ready to be more honest about why she REALLY wanted to leave. Maybe she's dating someone already.
What I think is you will never be cruel to her at all and have some fantasy about you guys getting back together. If your begging didn't work, this lame move ain't gonna either.
Living well is the best revenge.
2006-09-25 14:12:49 · answer #3 · answered by mrpeabody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do yourselves both a favour and don't get involved with her, even if it just means fixing the laptop.
She put you through pain, don't get sucked into it again. It's not her fault, it's just the situation. People repeat themselves.
The old saying that there are plenty of fish in the sea is important to remember.
The fact is that you CAN love another person just as deeply as you did you ex-wife. Love comes from within, not without. If you had the love in you before, you'll have it again and probably stronger.
Also, a lot of guys have anger management issues. It's easy to say that you won't do something again, but going back to a relationship where the anger happened isn't going to help. You may not think of it now, but it could easily creep back.
The cycle was broken by divorce. Let it be. Enjoy your move.
2006-09-25 12:29:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should realize that "revenge" isn't the way to go. Obviously you REALLY hurt your wife to make her walk out, divorce you, and ignore you. Don't try to weasel your way out of all the things you did to make her act that way. She didn't act that way on her own and she didn't get to the point of wanting to leave on her own, either - that was all you.
Dealing with a husband who has severe anger issues is a TOUGH thing to do. It always seems men like that want to change when you are walking out the door and finally have the courage to leave - I can't say I blame her for the way she acted, it was very natural. If you really have changed then there is no reason you can't at least be friends with eachother, since you did share a part of your life together and/or maybe give a relationship another chance if that is what you want.
Just keep in mind that your wife isn't some heartless woman who just up and left and didn't talk to you. You obviously caused her some real emotional distress for her to act the way she did.
2006-09-25 12:27:50 · answer #5 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What will happen if you call her and go to this dinner and after all is said and done she tells you what a fool you are that she never wanted you just felt sorry for you and that is the reason she was being so nice. If you want to hurt her just be happy find someone and invite her to your wedding and show her that she was not all that and you moved on and are completely happy and what she actually did was a favour to you. Thank her for divorcing you so that you could meet a wonderful new woman who deserves your love. Your way all your doing is hurting yourself again by bringing up hard memories you need to move on with your life and next time she calls tell her you would really love to chat but you have someone waiting and must go. That will kill her..
2006-09-25 12:47:02 · answer #6 · answered by lost_soul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're being petty. Yes, the divorce was difficult and you're still reeling from it. And, from what you say you're going to do, you do have an anger problem. Listen to yourself!
Be satisfied that you are moving on with your life. Be a little smug that she has started sniffing around again. You're not obligated to answer any of her questions, and you can end the conversation by simply saying "I have to go, goodbye."
Right now, your plan just demonstrates how much control she still has over you and your emotions. LET IT GO. The best revenge is living happily ever after...without her. That kind of revenge makes you reach for your best possible life without her being part of the equation. Slamming her may not be as satisfying as you think.
2006-09-25 13:45:03 · answer #7 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. You will never be able to hurt her the way she hurt you. If you could've she probably wouldn't have divorced you.
She does not care about you in any way close to the way you care about her. As hard as it might be put her in your heart and mind as an associate you'd rather not see. An annoying uncle or rude neighbor. Again let her go, forget about her.
Love/marriage is a two way street. You not only are better off with out her, you are enhanced by not being with her. The best revenge is living well, but don't live in the past. Go after every ambition and make decisions that are best for you and your life and no one else's.
2006-09-25 13:25:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, frankly, what you are planning to do when you invite her over to dinner, sounds very mean spirited.This is an indication of why she divorced you in the first place. You still have anger problems which have now developed into resentment. You'd better just work on your issues and try to win her back with love, not revenge. Try to put yourself in her shoes and think about how you treated her before the divorce. She must have been in pain for a long time in order to go through a divorce.
2006-09-25 13:18:30 · answer #9 · answered by godsgirl 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that if you can come up with that kind of plan I know why she left you. She hurt you, yea so what? Don't you think your attitude presented her with some pain. Women don't leave without it. So now she gives you a chance to make up and you want to pay her back? You probably do have an anger issue. It may go away when you grow up. Apparently the divorce did not push you there yet.
2006-09-25 13:21:50 · answer #10 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever heard that two wrongs don't make a right? If not, it is good advice.
It doesn't sound to me like she is intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. Perhaps she is finding that you two are better people when you are not married and are living apart. Perhaps she has learned to rid herself of the anger or frustration she was feeling when she was living with you as your wife.
I know from my own experience (I was married 17 years) that we behave more civil and show more compassion towards each other when we are living apart and going our own separate ways.
I think the whole sabbotage your are staging is not healthy..for you or for her. In addition, it solves nothing. If you're not interested in seeing her, simply tell her you still feel hurt for what she has done to you and that it is probably not a good idea to see her. On the other hand, if you are interested in seeing her, agree to see her and make the most of it.
Best of luck.
2006-09-25 13:43:04 · answer #11 · answered by Judy S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋