am i being selfish?

Question

ive been with my boyfirend for 1yr & 1/2 and love him so much , ive never been so in love with someone liek this before i want us to move out and i want to have a baby with him. but he tells me to wait he wants the same too, but its liek i feel like i cant wait because i know this is what i want, but he doesnt right now, so we split , was it selfish of me to be that way , he broke up with me , but i feel like its my fault. he says he loves me and never wants to leave me but now he told me to leave him alone becuse i told him that its so hard for me to wait

Answer 1

I don't think that you were being selfish, wanting a baby, and having one is a beautiful thing. But it must be brought up into the right environment, with BOTH parties willing to be an actively positive role in the baby's life.

I think it was smart of him, to disengage himself from the situation, and not bring a life into this world when he was clearly unstable, or unwilling. He probably did you a favour, in the sense, that you won't be a single parent, and struggling. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it just makes things that little more difficult.

If you love him, you will wait until he is ready. If you feel that you can't, move on. Either way, I suggest sitting him down and having a talk with him. Find out when he plans on having kids, just so you can get a rough idea of what to do next.

A joint decision, is a better decision.

Good luck.

Answer 2

How old are you. Why so soon don't you think you need to get to know each other better before you jump right into such a big thing. This will change everything! If he tells you that he will never live you and then leaves you do you think he was going to stick around if thing go hard in life. I sounds like to me that you have a lot of growing to do yourself before you try taking care of someone else! All I am saying is if you love him and he loves you then this will be a chose that you both make and you will respect one another for the chose that you make. Good luck and think before you do anything!

Answer 3

I belive it is a little selfish but it can be easily resolved. This is a topic you need to sit down and discuss. It is always to be on the same level as your partner when in a relationship, but that's not always the case. You want marriage and a family which is great. He's not ready yet which could also be a wise decision. Are there certain things that could make him feel this way? Ask him. There could be many factors in the case. Bills, He might want a better job, He might want to invest in something to make your life better in the future. You have to look at everything. Don't blame yourself either. It is your goal to have a family and get married. Well get married first of course. Good luck!!

Answer 4

Why are you stressing marriage and kids right now? For men, they are not ready for a long while. You cannot force men to want what you want, it just doesn't work because as you saw, it pushes them away. They do not want to be forced into situations they do not want at the moment. You have to wait for them, and maybe he'll come around and maybe he won't.

You should do things in baby steps, not leaps! Moving in together would have been step #1, about a year later you should have already talked about marriage and maybe kids. You know he wants that with you, just not right now. At least feel safe that he loves you and wants a future with you. Give him time, and apologize for pushing him. This whole thing is not about you, it's about him being comfortable with becoming a real adult. Time is what he needs not pressure.

Answer 5

You must be very young. If it's right, there is nothing to lose by waiting. A mature person KNOWS this. There is a lot more to having a baby than cuddling a cute bundle of joy. Your life will never be the same. It seems your boyfriend is smart enough to know he is not ready for that kind of life-altering event. If you can't wait until both you AND your partner are ready to take the next step, he was right to leave.

Answer 6

It sounds more like a matter of miscommunication. You each have a list of things that you want out of life. You want it on a more accelerated timeframe that he does. When there are kids involved it is a good idea to have everyone on the same page otherwise it will destroy the relationship and there are little people in the middle.

The solution to this is either comprimise on when you all will be ready to move to the next level or make a clean break because you two obviously dont have the same wants and needs out of life.

Answer 7

You really don't love him as much as you claim you do, because if you did you wouldn't have pushed him to leave you over something so stupid. He didn't tell you he never wanted to move in, or have children. All he said was that he wasn't ready at the moment. Besides a year and a half is quite fast for someone to make that kind of commintment. If I were you I would try to get my man back! Hopefully it's not too lats. Good luck.

Answer 8

Not really selfish, just moving at different times, females tend to know what they want more than guys do and some are even afraid of comittment, try and talk to him to give it another go but slow down you know what you want and if he wants the same he will come around to your way of thinking, but pushing him is backing him into a corner and thats neither good or healthy in a relationship

Answer 9

Babygurl, put yourself in his shoes. Would you really want your boyfriend to bug you all the time about having sex when you're not ready? A marriage and a baby is a lot of dedication and hard work. If he's not ready, and since you sound kind of young, don't you think you should enjoy life a little and then settle down when you've experienced life yourself?! Would you want a baby with someone who doesn't really want one? Give him time. A relationship means compromise.

Answer 10

I have to say this is somewhat close to home for me. I am on my second marriage. I pushed my first husband to have a baby. We had been married 3 years. He finally gave in and it was a mistake to have pushed him. He was not ready so I was virtually a single mom. Please think long and hard about it. He has told me many times that if it had not been for me that he would not be a father. It is 10 years later and he still says the same thing.