My ex, finally got himself in prison. Now that he is there he wants to write to his sons and have a relationship when he gets out. But he has done this before, when he went to jail andwhen he got out they heard nothing from him. I have always left the lines of communication open but he never called, wrote, Ect. Now he claims he is really serious this time. Should I let them correspond/give him a chance?
2006-09-25 11:48:51 · 13 answers · asked by madamjenn40 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He is in prison on drug charges, and probation violation.
2006-09-25 12:10:18 · update #1
They do have a father figure in their life, as well.
2006-09-25 12:11:56 · update #2
What's he in jail for?
2006-09-25 11:50:43 · answer #1 · answered by SexxyPrincess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough call. He knows he's going to be lonely while in prison so he's using the kids to make himself feel better. If you let the kids write to him you risk the chance of them getting hurt again but if you don't give them the option they might end up resenting you in the future. I think the best thing to do would sit down and talk to them and find out how they feel about the situation and let them make the decision. If they do decide to write him and your worst fears come true at least they'll still have a good relationship with you and they'll appreciate that you're there for them.
2006-09-25 18:53:38 · answer #2 · answered by sunssecret 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he's in prison and has time to think of the things he would like to do when he gets out.it's like having sex the man really wants it but after it's over he don't give it a second thought.i can think of alot of things i'd like to have and do but thats only because i don't have them at this very moment.being in prison dosen't always change a person in those respects. if he really wanted to have a relationship with his sons he would have worked on it along time ago.why does being in prison all of a sudden make a difference?it don't.he wants it because he's not there.history speaks for itself.maybe one day he will wake up and smell the roses,course by then it might be too late. good luck pete
2006-09-25 19:12:56 · answer #3 · answered by THE SHADOW 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depending on how old your children are, it should be their choice. if they are too young to make the decision then of course you have to step in and make it for them. but you also have to realize that even though "dad" is incarcerated, that's still your children's father. "sometimes you have to give a person enough rope to hang themselves." if you think about it, he's done this before and he'll probably do it again. this is what you need to recognize as "prison talk" every man in prison "realizes" that he misses his family once their locked up AGAIN.
the problem is, if you don't allow your sons to have a relationship with their father, later on when your boys are older they may be upset with you for "not allowing" them to communicate with their father but if you allow it and then your boys see for themselves that their father is worthless, it may be easier to swollow.
it's easier for a child to accept that they have a dead beat dad, if they come to the conclusion themselves, rather than have mom bad mouth their dad.
in the long run in may be disappointing for your sons that dad was only talkin "prison talk" but at least they'll be able to see him for what he really is. and if this time dad does realize that he wants to have a relationship with his boys, it will benefit them all.
it will just be better that no anger is directed at you...either from your boys thinking you are not allowing them to have contact with their father and from dad thinking that you are keeping his sons away from him. good luck
you know reading some of these answers people have left, i just want you to know that until these people have been through a similar situation, all these people with their "Duh" attitude can all go to hell. you know what is best for you and your sons...just keep that in mind. i used to think the same as some of these dumb asses, until i was put in the situation.
2006-09-25 19:27:42 · answer #4 · answered by DaBeautiful1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They can write to his conscience if he still has one. Many find religion for awhile. It should be their choice if they really want to though. Otherwise you could just type something and have them sign it. Some gangs might use codes and their kids, girlfriends etc to pass information. You could type a multiple choice questionnaire with check marks too. Some desperate women will write to guys in prison to feel connected to someone. Some guys in jail will write to many women to get money or whatever. My niece used to write to me but she always asked for money. Man did she get huge.
2006-09-25 19:12:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait till he gets out, and let him know thats what the kids want. he has nothing else to do but think about his family and want them. help with his recovery by making him work on this relationship, not just given it
never give up on him give him another chance he is the dad albeit a confused one
2006-09-25 18:52:05 · answer #6 · answered by chip33302 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't recommend it. He's only going to disappoint them once again when he fails to keep his word. But, depending on the age of your kids, I would let them make the decision. I would say if they are 10 or older they are old enough to understand that their father may not follow through once again.
2006-09-25 18:52:09 · answer #7 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not, your kids want and need a relationship with their dad, even if he isn't a very good one. They need to be able to find some good in him, in order to be able to fully feel good about themselves. Nobody needs to tell them that they are half him and half you- by being allowed to develop a relationship with him, they will find both the good and the bad, but be better off overall.
2006-09-25 18:52:01 · answer #8 · answered by Trip S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If it was me.....absolutely not!!! In no way, shape or form. I would pack up and move away where he would never find me and the kids. There is no "lines of communication".....he is a jail bird, asshole looser. Why would you "give him a chance"??? He is in PRISON......Hello!!! Associating with the scum of the earth which he is a part of!!! What part of this don't you understand???? DUH!!!
2006-09-25 18:54:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He IS their father, right...? As such, he should be allowed to communicate with them whether in jail, out of the country - wherever he is...
2006-09-25 18:53:11 · answer #10 · answered by KnowhereMan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if you think is right giving him a chance is a good thing then give it to him cause you know you are hurting your own child too.cause i know they what to have a dad.but the childs don't whant to talk to the dad then just don't give him a chance.unless you like him still.
2006-09-25 18:53:55 · answer #11 · answered by nicky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋