what do you do with teenage step kids?or do you just leave them alone?

Answer 1

I would love it if my husband gave more of an interest in my son (his step son), and I know for a fact my son would like it. My son is 15 years old. I think step parents need to give more effort to show the step children that they do care about them and try to find something in common with them that is fun...especially if you have natural children living in the home or that come and visit. Board Games, frisbee, bowling, movies, fishing, catch, tennis...those are just a few off the top of my head. Kids already go through enough without having to feel rejection in their own homes. I like that you asked...at least you care enough to do that.

Answer 2

Your question is vague...but I presume you mean what to do about supervising teenage step kids.
Leave them alone, is my advice. Let the natural parent do all the heavy lifting, so to speak. When your advice or help is solicited, then your role is clear. Until then, keep your distance and wait for them to come to you.

Answer 3

if your starting out with teenagers then just keep your distance and try not to make any sudden moves when they are around. let the parent handle whatever and hope they go live with the other parent. smile and wave no matter what.

Answer 4

You encourage them, and encourage your spouse to step up to the plate, and be the disciplinarian they need to be. But you have to stay out of the discipline arena unless given specific permission in writing from your spouse and the child's dad.
This is a time-bomb situation, and you have my prayers!

Answer 5

I am engaged to a guy who has 3 teen girls (the twins will be 14 next month, the oldest will be 16 in May). We live about 8-10 blocks away from them and their mom. I talk with their mom almost daily about them and my fiance and their relationship with their dad, etc. We have all 3 taken a stand to be the kids parents, friends, etc. The one thing that we do have a problem with, tho, is my fiance has never really been there for his kids or done much with them. I am encouraging him to do so, to make the kids his first priority, etc. It is slowly working and he is getting a much better relationship with them now.

As for what I do with them, is I listen to them, get interested in their interests, do things with them, do things for them, never ever yell at them, talk with them, etc. Their mom has given me permission to discipline by telling them (or even asking them) to stop doing something, etc, in her house or elsewhere, but I rarely do that unless it is absolutely necessary. I feel awkward doing this in their home (esp since I feel that it is the parents place to do this in their own home unless they are doing or saying something to me that I don't like, then it's up to me). When it comes to the major discipline (grounding, etc), I leave that up to their mom. She has her own set of rules for them since they live with her, etc. They only visit her for a few minutes or hours at a time. I do try to make the rules here the same as there, but I am still learning them. I ask a lot of questions from them and their mom about the rules that are already set.

At times, their mom, dad, and I talk about changing the rules, etc and come up with the new ones, then let the kids know what they are and why they are that way. That way, we are standing as a team, not as separate people that they think they can control, mainipulate, etc. We DON'T allow any of that behavior, ever.

I have only had to say something to the twins a couple of times recently. My fiance and I took them to their schools open house. I took one girl; he took the other. While we were in the one girls gym class, she and a friend were starting to become roudy, so I told them quietly to calm down. It worked! Then, later when we were in the cafeteria and we were all together in line for cookies and punch, the girls started some horseplay. I asked them if they were supposed to be doing that here. They said no, that if they got caught during school hours doing that, they would have to wash all of the tables. I asked if they wanted to wash all the tables then, and they said no and stopped right away! I try to put my 'discipline' into ways for them to think about what they are saying or doing, rather than telling them what to do and not letting them think about it. It seems to work well. All 3 of the girls have ADD or ADHD (one has both with some mental challenges) so they can be a handful to deal with. But, their mom, dad, and I seem to be able to do it--together.

I believe that if you can have a good relationship with both of the kids parents, agree on the rules at both homes, and come together as a team, then it should work out. Also listening to them, getting interested in their interests, helping them with things, etc, should help as well. I DON'T think that you should do nothing. This is a time when they can become friends with you, but also be like your own kids, in a way and with their parents help. If I were you, I would bring this up with the parents--without the kids there--and see what they say/think, etc.

Oh, and I had been married once before to a man with two young kids (ages 6 and 8 when I met them in 1985). The kids are now grown and married, the youngest with her own kids, and my ex and I are divorced. I have a great relationship with the youngest one still and always will. The oldest one could care less about me, his dad, or his mom. He is just that way. But, at least I still have a relationship with the other one! She has thanked me over and over for giving her and her brother boundaries, for being there for them, for being the parent they never had, etc. And I did the same things with those two that I do with the 3 I am involved with now.

Answer 6

Nothing, all kids that age know everything....in ten years they will ask your advice and thank-you for letting them learn the hard way.

Answer 7

Beat them into submission. Ooops, the voices told me to say that.
Huh?

Answer 8

If you have been their parent since they were a toddler, you have say. If they were any older than that, stay out of it. Check www.drphil.com I think that's what he says. Good luck.