I have been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years now Living together 9 months...he is divorced as well as me, both have kids. The first issue was that he was not ready to get married, we solved that and were thinking of doing it December '06 (no more). But l've noticed that he does not want to be a father figure to my kids. He doesn't take them out to play sports, or anything like that. (Which he does with his kids). When we are all out together (his & mine) we all play. Also, there have been times that I've needed his support and I feel he has not been there for me. He says he loves me and that it's very hard for him to deal with my kids, (he is also 15 yrs older than me, I'm 34) but that he does not want to give up. I am jobless for the 1st time in my life but looking, so he's supporting us too (this is not the reason why I have not left yet though). I love him dearly, I don't know if I should leave when I get the job or keep trying without a lot of change, is there any hope? HELP !!!
2006-09-25 10:34:32 · 9 answers · asked by madams7575 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You need to feel supported in your heart by him as I am sure you go way out of your way to do for him and his children. Not because you have to but because you want to ...you love him and all that comes along with him and he does not have to feel or suffer these things that you have to with your children and his issues of not being able to get closer to them...naturally. that is the key. You can't make someone fee what they should feel inside ....it just doesnt work. He should at this point be free giving and loving ...not forced, not trying too...just doing it out of pure love and respect for you and "the familly" as a whole. Why is what he needs validated naturally but not you. Why should you have to feel as though it is an effort or an issue. he loves you and accepted all that you come with. You should feel peace...pure peace with him on that subject. Relationships do have there issues of course but, some issues should not exist...not to live true to eachother and for you to be happy inside and not wonder or feel bad or try to make your kids happy, him happy, his kids happy, ....where do you fit into all of this with comfort. You should feel just that.Peace and comfort and deal with natural issues as they come..together as a team. he is being selfish and he knows it. that is a sign of his TRUE nature. and that my dear is what it is. He can change but, I fear only when he realized it's too late. be strong and stand your ground for real...mean it in your heart and don't pretend ....he will know.
2006-09-25 10:45:44 · answer #1 · answered by givemeprivacy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something you need to talk to him about. Let him know how you feel. If he isn't willing to understand and be a father figure to your children and isn't willing to be supportive of you, then you need to move on. Honestly, that big of an age difference can play a big role in a relationship. Nobody can really answer this question though...You need to do what you feel is right. But you have to start by talking to him and getting the reasons you need to either leave or stay.
2006-09-25 10:45:49 · answer #2 · answered by Candy C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ahh babe i feel for you,he should love your kids,i think you no the answer, how would he be if you went and meant it? i think he,s taking advantage of you,and i no cos something similar is happening to me and i no how hard it is at times,you dont want it and dont need it, go and mean it, if he loves you he will do anything to have you back and if so make him change his ways good luck girl, p.s. hope you dont get some bitchy comments on answers,cos some people just cant help themselves,if so take no notice...as for the money cant you get benifets for the time being?
2006-09-25 10:46:41 · answer #3 · answered by Madonna 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seriously need to think about moving on. If he does not want to be a father figure to your kids then why is he with you? He knew you had children when you started dating. I would consider the fact that you and your children are a packaged deal. If he does not accept them then he does not accept you. Good Luck to you and your children.
2006-09-25 10:39:41 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u should leave him how can it be hard for him to deal with your kids,whereas u aint complaining about his?you don't want to put your kids through that otherwise they'll grow up miserable, just work harder on getting a job to support them you don't need a selfish man to do that for you,goodluck
2006-09-25 10:50:58 · answer #5 · answered by hunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he doesn't get on w/your kids? Bet you're expected to get on w/his though. If you have somewhere else to go, go. If he really loves you he will learn those kids are part of you. Get a job asap get out.
2006-09-25 10:44:53 · answer #6 · answered by carmella.2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids have to come first. If they are not important to your man, then you need to move on.
2006-09-25 10:42:16 · answer #7 · answered by tannedknight45 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You decide,wat matters?ur hapiness or ur kids's hapiness?
2006-09-25 10:44:02 · answer #8 · answered by soft heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
clash
2006-09-25 10:53:31 · answer #9 · answered by Tim D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋