How do you cope with an extremely talented child?

Question

She scored 4a's in her yr 4 sats, can play the clariet like a 3rd yr student although she's only been at it a year, swims so well that she's been moved to the highest class she can go to etc..It scares me becase I don't know how to keep her challenged or should I ? She is also getting very mouthy and cocky. Help!!

Answer 1

Is she enjoying what she is doing or is she being pushed. All we need to know is , is she happy.....

Answer 2

Get her even deeper into the arts. Digital cameras are good. Yoga or karate may help with the attitude. I was a low avarage student and had three over the top smart kids. It's not always a blessing. High IQ kids are more likely to drop out, use drugs and be mouthy and superior. The arts are for the most part non graded. Even a parent can have an opinion and it can count. If you can, keep her challenged as much as possible, otherwise she will want to create her own challenges and trust me, you don't want that. E if I can help, I really do feel for you. [e-mail]

Answer 3

Firstly, she has done very well with those grades but do remember that she is not necessarily outstandingly talented based on them alone - there are lots of other things which are important both in her academic and social education. Many children achieve such grades at this age, so celebrate her achievement but don't let her get 'big headed' about it - I have seen children do this and become extremely unpopular with their peers! Regarding your concern about challenging her educationally, speak with her class teacher and the SENCO at her school, they will be able to advise you and, the fact that they know her, will enable them to give you good, effective advice.

With regard to her being 'mouthy and cocky' at her age, you need to be firm and ensure that she understands that this is disrespectful and will not be tolerated - there is absolutely no excuse for accepting this type of behaviour! If she is intelligent she will understand this and wil be able to choose an activity which will direct her energies positively and constructively. Maybe you could share this activity with her which will help you to build a sharing relationship based on fun and pleasure rather than constant stimulation.

Answer 4

I was considered a childhood prodigy. Played "Rhapsody In Blue" with an orchestra at 9 years old. I understand what you and your daughter are experiencing.

But the two issues are NOT related unless you show her that they are.

Firstly, it is important to adopt a policy that "We much each run our own race" - or, continue to raise the bar until she finds it difficult to deliver. (How else will she rise to her potential?) While parental approval should not be witheld, it should also not be given so easily, either. She might not be so cocky if she suddenly realizes that everything she does is NOT a miracle.

It is impossible for her to get this feeling through the public education system - it's designed for the masses, not the prodigy. You are going to have to resort to private challenges.

If music is her thing, take her to a private instructor that will continue to push her to excel. That won't happen in public school.

If it's sports, seek external assistance. Go have discussions with instructors and coaches. Get them in on it.

If she gets busy enough to feel like she actually has to work to achieve what is expected of her, then the cockiness should start to erode. Then when she reaches specific goals, give her gentle, measured assurances that you are proud of her. Just don't go stage mother on her. Nodding your head and smiling and telling her that you love her and are proud of her is much better than screaming and applauding.

And when she fails, just remember to be consistently stable and not disappointed. "I know you worked very hard for that. I think you'll get it next time." goes a lot farther than "you were robbed" or "You were so great, honey..." Children are smart, and prodigys are even smarter. They know when they're being "worked."

And, socially she needs to have completely normal consequences for being cocky. Being a nice person is NOT related to her abilities, she STILL has an obligation to be agreeable if she wishes to have friends.

There are some books available about parenting gifted children. It's challenging, particularly if you don't think YOU were gifted, the concepts are VERY subtly different than normal parenting, and you'll have to work at them. But they're quite easy to understand, and they make a lot of sense.

Best of luck.

Answer 5

We too have this problem with a granddaughter. She is too smart, and runs us crazy. She is so hard to keep anything in front of her that she doesn't get bored with. Nurture that talent, praise her all you can, spend all the time you can with her and let her know you love her. Give her the best and find things that she loves to do, because when she gets out of hand you can use those things to bargain with when she gets out of control and mouthy. It's so hard to talk to a child with a brain of an adult, and keep the child thing in perspective. I feel for you, and hope you can keep a handle on her actions. A little blackmail won't hurt her, so use what she has to blackmail her into doing things she should be doing. Good Luck, you're going to need it!!

Answer 6

Get her out os State Schoolnow they cannot cope with bright children. Look at a Steiner School or possibly get her assessed by somewhere like the Yeheudi Menhiun School if music isher main talent, but get her where smallclasses will allowher talent to flourish and whereshe will not be boredand become disruptive. Alternatively try some add ons like French classes to keep her stretchedand give her as much reading as shewill take.

Answer 7

Don't feed her ego. Because she is bright, she will probably be told all her life by peers, teachers, family members, etc. how smart and talented she is. Bring her down to earth by getting her involved in activities where she is utlizing her talents for the betterment of others. Volunteer work, community service, tutoring, chores around the house. Humble your child before she gets out of control.

Just because someone is an overachiever does not mean that they will succeed in life. Some of the brightest people don't succeed because they can't get along well with others.

Answer 8

Keep her busy - but not overwhelmed. Give her down time and space, but don't let her be a couch potatoe. Get her involved in tons of different activities. You encourage some, she can pick some. When she gets mouthy, explain that's not acceptable. Consider taking away privileges after warnings. Depends on how old she is... If she is mouthy because of how talented she is, you explain to her that God GAVE her those gifts. They are presents - that we as humans don't deserve. She should be thankful she has them.

Answer 9

Extremely talented and gifted is a good thing, but that doesn't mean it is acceptable for her to be mouthy. My daughter is gifted and talented and passed her CPA exam in one shot and yet she is very considerate of people and very well mannered.Get her into sports where she is taught that there are more people on a team than one. Otherwise, put her in the naughty chair.

Answer 10

I have a very smart daughter too and she has become the mouthiest child yet. She's a brilliant student, top of her class. She reads books on about the 8th grade level and she's in sixth grade. She's a whiz on Egyptian studies, as well as animal and marine biology. I don't know really how you could challenge your daughter accept maybe some early college classes.

Answer 11

Put more emphasis on interpersonal skills - it sounds like she could run into problems relating to her peers. Get her involved in team sports and projects - clarinet and swimming are essentially performing solo.
Being bright is an advantage, certainly, but EQ is probably more important in life than IQ. Make sure ALL her needs are catered to.