How can I get a divorce in this situation?

Question

I know now that I need a divorce, but I'm afraid of my husband and I have no money. I mean like there's maybe $100 in our account on any given day. His is the main name on the account and he can cut me off if he suspects anything. He's threatened to take the kids and run, regardless of any restraining order that I may get. I don't know of any shelters, and my closest family lives in another state and knows nothing of what our relationship is really like. He has family that will help him, and he gets physically violent. I'm so scared for me and the kids, and we have no money. (we're in AZ)

Answer 1

Go and go now!

Arizona Women's Shelters

Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence 100 W. Camelback, #109 Phoenix, AZ 85013 Business #: 602-279-2900 Toll Free #:
[phone]

Safehouse of Bullhead City, Inc. 1155 Hancock Rd. Suite 5 Bullhead City AZ 86442 Business #: 602-763-7233 Hotline/Crisis:
602-763-7233

Against Abuse, Inc. (La Casa de Paz) P.O. Box 10733 Casa Grande AZ 85230 Business #: 602-836-1239 Hotline/Crisis:
602-836-0858

My Sister's Place 610 N. Alma School Rd. #18 Chandler AZ 86224 Business #: 602-821-1024 Hotline/Crisis: 602-821-1024

Ama Doo Alchini Bighan Inc. Box 1279 Chunle AZ 86503 Business #: 602-674-8314

Verde Valley Guidance Clinic, Inc. P.O. Box 925 Cottonwood AZ 86503 Business #: 602-634-2236 Hotline/Crisis: 602-282-HELP

Northern AZ Regional Behavioral Health Authority 611 N. Leroux St. Flagstaff AZ 86001 Business #: 602-774-2070
Hotline/Crisis: 602-640-2123

Northland Family Help Center 2501 N. Street, Suite 18 Flagstaff AZ 86004 Business #: 602-774-4503 Hotline/Crisis: 602-774-7353


Faith House, Inc. (Villa De Fidelis) 4506 West Citrus Way Glendale AZ 85301 Business #: 602-939-6798 Hotline/Crisis:
602-939-6798

Organization for Non-Violence Education P.O. Box 863 Glendale AZ 85311 Business #: 602-934-0696 Hotline/Crisis:
602-934-0696

Advocate House 247 S. Hill Globe AZ 85501 Business #: 602-425-3221 Hotline/Crisis: 602-473-3752

Tohdenashai Shelter Home P.O. Box 8 Kayenta AZ 86033 Business #: 602-697-3305

Kingman Aid to Abused People, Inc. P.O. Box 1046 Kingman AZ 86401 Business #: 602-753-6222 Hotline: [phone]

Interagency Council-Coalition Against Dom Viol 2180 McCulloch Blvd. Lake Havasu City AZ 86403 Business #: 602-453-5800
Hotline: [phone]

New Life Shelter, Inc. P.O. Box 39 Litchfield Park AZ 85340 Business #: 602-935-9161 Hotline: [phone]

Prehab of Arizona, Inc.- Autumn House P.O. Drawer 5860 Mesa AZ 85211 Business #: 602-835-5817 Hotline: [phone]

The Caring Place-Advocate House 247 S. Hill St. Miami AZ 85539 Business #: 602-473-3752 Hotline/Crisis: 473-3752

Santa Cruz Family Guidance Center 489 Arrojo Blvd. Nogales AZ 85621 Business #: 602-287-4713 Hotline/Crisis: 602-281-2440

Tri Community Counseling Safe Home Network P.O. Box 810 Oracle AZ 85623 Business #: 602-896-9240 Toll Free #:
[phone]

Lake Powell Insititute- Behavioral Health Services P.O. Box 6 Page AZ 86040 Business #: 602-645-5113 Hotline/Crisis:
602-645-8180

Time Out Domestic Violence Shelter P.O. Box 306 Payson AZ 85547 Business #: 602-472-8007 Hotline/Crisis: 602-472-8007 Toll
Free #: [phone]

Chicanos Por La Causa/De Colores Shelter P.O. Box 6553 Phoenix AZ 85005 Business #: 602-257-0700 Hotline/Crisis:
602-269-1515

Chrysalis Outpatient Counseling 7310 N. 16th Street #130 Phoenix AZ 85020 Business #: 602-997-1604 Hotline/Crisis:
602-997-1604

Chrysalis Shelter For Victims of Domestic Violence P.O. Box 9956 Phoenix AZ 85068 Business #: 602-944-9619 Hotline/Crisis:
602-944-4999

Sojourner Center 2224 E. Fillmore Phoenix AZ 85006 Business #: 602-258-5348 Hotline/Crisis: 602-258-5344

White Mountain Association for Victims of Domestic P.O. Box 1890 Pinetop AZ 85935 Business #: 602-367-6017 Hotline/Crisis:
602-367-6017

Villa De Fidelis (Faith House) 1535 Private Road Prescott AZ 86301 Business #: 602-445-4673 Hotline/Crisis: 602-445-4673

Gila River/Pima Tribal Social Services P.O. Box 427 Sacaton AZ 85247 Business #: 602-562-3711

Graham-Greenlee Counseling Center Box 956 Safford AZ 85548 Business #: 602-428-4550 Hotline/Crisis: 602-428-4550

In-Home Family Services P.O. Box 0 San Carlos AZ 85550 Business #: 602-475-2724

San Carlos Apache P.O. Box 209 San Carlos AZ 85550 Business #: 602-475-2313

Chrysallis P.O. Box 1551 Scottsdale AZ 85252 Business #: 602-481-0402 Hotline/Crisis: 602-481-0402

Hopi Guidance Center P.O. Box 68 Second Mesa AZ 86043 Business #: 602-737-2586

Forgach House Domestic Crisis Shelter P.O. Box 1961 Sierra Vista AZ 85636 Business #: 602-458-9096 Hotline/Crisis:
602-458-9096

Brewster Center for Victims of Family Violence 2711 E. Broadway Tucson AZ 85716 Business #: 602-881-7201 Hotline/Crisis:
602-622-6347

Tucson Centers for Women and Children P.O. Box 40878 Tucson AZ 85717 Business #: 602-795-8001 Hotline/Crisis:
602-795-4880 Toll Free: 602-795-4266

Apache Behaviorial Health Services P.O. Box 1089 Whiteriver AZ 85941 Business #: 602-338-4811

Project Safe House 211 E. Third St. Winslow AZ 86047 Business #: 602-289-4629 Hotline/Crisis: 602-289-5467

Safe House 1700 South 1st Avenue #100 Yuma AZ 85364 Business #: 602-0077 Hotline/Crisis: 602-782-0044

Answer 2

I read all of the responses. There are a lot of well meaning folks out there trying to give you courage. You need to assess the situation and determine how dangerous it is. You should know that regardless of what you do, there is risk. There have been numerous cases where restraining orders did not prevent the husband/wife from killing the other. When someone is bent on killing, it is practically impossible to stop them.

You should also consider that the courts may give him visitation or even joint custody. You will have a better chance of getting full custody, if there are reported cases of violence.

I am a man and in a similar situation. I believe if I divorce my wife she will try to kill me, my children, and kill herself. She is verbally abusive, has an anger problem and goes into rage. I have decided to stay put until my kids get a little older. She can not accept the idea of a divorce regardless of how bad things are. People with this psychological profile are very dangerous. I will leave at some point.

All I am saying is that you need to make a decision based on your assessment, be careful of timing, and accept the fact that you are not completely safe. No one should live in tyranny, but know that freedom has a price.

Answer 3

I don't answer many of these anymore, but maybe this will help. First, good for you that you realize how unhealthy your soon to be ex, and your marriage to him was... Note the WAS. Women are far more forgiving than are men when it comes to betrayal, so in your place, he would never have forgiven you. Guys never get over the eeeewwww factor.. women seem to do a bit better......And a quick note about that: Truly, I think that marriage is Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust, and I truly think that when the Trust is gone, since the Passion got shared, the Respect and Admiration are gone too. And truly, I believe that you no longer have nor had a marriage... , you had something else....and you learned to put up with it, and endure. You have a problem since you and he are still under the same roof, even if you are sleeping in another room. I would not suggest that you abandon your house..... it is difficult to retain interest in it should he wish to get nasty in divorce. I believe you already know that this marriage is dead.... it just hasn't begun to fully rot yet. And in your place, tomorrow, I'd be seeing an attorney, and get the papers started... as an extra aside, I'd suggest you use a mediating attorney... one who represents you both. If you two each hire one, and have at it in court, the only ones who come out ahead are the two attorneys...ever know one who was poor? By agreeing on how your estate will be settled, after all this time, you will each come out $20,000 richer. In your place, the second chance, begging crap is off the table. Ignore it, and tell him so. So is counseling. You want out, tell him so, and you and he can play nice, and end or he can be stupid, and cost you both a ton... tell him it's rather his choice. As for the correspondence, you marriage is over... all but the paperwork. Get the paperwork hon. Continue to write this man..You have no idea what will happen in the future, neither does he. But you can't find out until you Get Out of Jail, and go past Go. You are still in Jail hon. Extricate yourself from this horrid relationship. Marriage is lovely, with an appropriate loving partner, and a horror with someone like the one you have wasted all this time with. You have had enough horror. And if this e-mail stuff goes no where, I promise you, if you are an attractive lady, there are tons of guys who would make appropriate partners and who are available. They too, have been in bad marriages, and are freeing themselves up. More on how to find one of those if you wish. For now, hon, end the marriage, divide the estate fairly, sell the house for whatever, and get yourself free. Write if you need anything clarified.

Answer 4

Talk with your relatives on the phone, and then pack up the kids and drive or take a bus to your family.

Don't look back, don't stop and think about it. You need to do this for the benefit of the kids. If he is violent with you, he will be violent with the kids if you leave them behind.

You can worry about the divorce after you get out of the situation.

Be strong for your kids sake, and do what is best for them. A divorce is straight forward, and the court is in your favor being the mother. Unless you have a history of violence or drugs you will get the kids not him.

After you get where you are going, apply for a restraining order against him to prevent him from visiting you.

Contact a Adult Abuse center where your family lives. Visit with them, they will be able to help you and may even have legal services available.

I know it is tough, I know you have no money, but you MUST do what is right for yourself and the children.

I wish you good luck.

Answer 5

You need to start saving money. Try to get about $5 or $10 per day. You have wrote a very detail question with facts in it. Go to the state where your family is and file the divorce there, ask for supervised visitations for him, can you please try to make it to California.......the child support here will be about $400 per child, spousal support etc. Please go down to the local police each and every time he beats you and get photos taken. You can tell your police department that NOT to contact you because you will do all the contacting. Place small video camera in the house showing his violence. My two aunts were killed but violent men, so you are playing around with your life.

Things needed:
1. Photo of all body marks.
2. Several police reports. ( go to the station each and ever time it happens)
3. Hidden cameras in the home.
4. Call your family from a PAY PHONE only if you know they will be of help.
5. Move to a state where child support, and spousal support is high.
6. Legal aid will prepare ALL paper work, and the court can give you a fee wavier.

Answer 6

Call a lawyer and have a consultation.

You can leave him and he can't take EVERYTHING, the divorce proceedings WILl award you something.

if you don't know where a shelter is? CALL THE POLICE, when he isn't home and they can help you find one or TAKE you to one.

YOU ARE NEVER A PRISONER, you can make your own decisions and a shelter can help you get back on your feet. YOU DO NO NEED THIS MAN OR HIS MONEY.

Answer 7

Sounds like it is a good idea to get out anyway, starting over isn't easy on anyone, but you can do it, get a job and go.

As far as the kids if he's abusive and you have proof, there is no way in hell that he will get the kids and it takes alot to prove a mother unfit.

The next time he gets pyshical get him out and have a restraining order put on him. That would be a good start and you and the children will have the house.

Answer 8

Go to your local police station and tell them what is going on. You can get a restraining order. The police know where the shelters are and can get you into one or escort him out of the house.
$100 isn't much you can leave it behind, try to get your name off the account and set up a private one in your name.
You can get a divorce you just need to go do it. Tell the police he threaten the kids if you leave him.

Answer 9

Call the local county social services department. They probably can refer you to a shelter. You might be able to get an attorney for free from the local Legal Aid Society.

If he's violent, you should get out. Even if it means going to another state to stay with your parents for a while.

Answer 10

Take the children and go to the police department and request their help in finding you a shelter. There are also organizations almost everywhere than can help you legally with the divorce procedures at no cost . . . for only people who can't afford fees.

Answer 11

first of all think of your kids. staying there is not doing them any good. go to the police tell what is going on that you fear for the lives of your children and yourself. i know in our small town we have a county attorney. if you have a local church they may know of a place you and the kids can stay. just get out before it could be to late. get the courage and go, no matter the time of day or night. tell your family what is going on i am sure they will help good luck