Not an old type of poem, just something that came to me.
Listen and you'll realise,
The picture that I paint,
The picture is quite simple,
I am a fu**ing saint.
Like many other people,
I suffered for my deeds,
I broke the law, was killed for it,
And set all of you free.
I dead now but I hope that you,
All never will forget,
I broke the law but broke it,
With no guilt or regret.
So many people in this world,
That I could write this for,
Hitler, Herod, Saddam Hussain,
Can you think of any more?
2006-09-25 09:42:41 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I am a fu**ing saint and I dead now but I hope that you are ???? Do you mean I'm dead now but............... and I don't see the correlation between fu**ing saint and breaking the law but as far as rhyme and meter, and most of the content I really like it. It's very workable into a neat poem. Work with it alittle, put it away for a few days and then bring it out and you'll see what I mean, figure out exactly what it is that you want to say and it WILL work cuz it's quite different and has potential to be very NICE.
2006-09-25 10:15:21 · answer #1 · answered by Shaman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best one I've seen on Yahoo! so far. And it even has rhythm and even rhymes! But I can't see how being a saint, in the first verse, relates to being for Hitler & Co. in the last verse.
2006-09-25 16:52:59 · answer #2 · answered by yahoohoo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If at first you don't succeed try, try again.
If you don't have a job, get a job.
If you felled to get a job, try, try again.
If you succeed, don't become a snob.
I'm a poet, and didn't know it.
I had a garden, and didn't hoe it.
2006-09-25 17:37:26 · answer #3 · answered by Pepsi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was pretty good, but as a friend I will tell you that I thin that the last 2 (verses) need a little work.Keep trying and GOOD LUCK!
2006-09-25 16:55:43 · answer #4 · answered by ilyy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i give u 8
2006-09-25 16:50:30 · answer #5 · answered by Michirù 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your rhyme scheme disintegrates in the 2nd and 3rd stanza
2006-09-25 16:50:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up the day job
2006-09-25 16:46:57 · answer #7 · answered by Edward J 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truely think that it needs some serios work.
2006-09-25 16:56:12 · answer #8 · answered by Speedy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the third stanza seems quite forced
2006-09-25 16:53:14 · answer #9 · answered by cali_surfer_girl182 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate poetry! No offense.
2006-09-25 16:50:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋