Me: hard worker, pay bills; house, cars, etc. All to keep my wife w/kids. In good shape, not attractive, not ugly. Love my kids, playful, dedicated.
Always want to enjoy my wife and laugh together.
I am faithful. No drink, smoke, drugs. Clean cut. Easy to upset by my wife. Sarcastic when making comments to her about our relationship.
She: smart, faithful, pretty good overall, but lately, she is very hard to the kids for little things, (like drinking her soda), if she sees me upset, she will get mad. she is very jealous, wrong about her acusations, never caught me cheating but don't trust me. Very little sex, if we do, I know she just gave it up. Head aches, pre-period, period, post period are the excuses. I think I am not attractive to her any more... She beautiful, doesnt like to be with us, not happy, sad, depressed or mad when at home. Happy and nice with others, I dont think she cheats but may be anytime. I cant forget she slap me on face once and acused me wrongly of cheating.
2006-09-25 09:24:30 · 10 answers · asked by signdesign 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, I don't want to look like the good guy here, i have done my wrong here too, but I do bring her flowers (last week wast the latest), help with dishes EVERY DAY, help with kids, dogs, etc. Yes I do help her. I really try my best, but seen her not happy upsets me and I react, or make my stupid coments. I know I also do wrong, but I dont know what is going on. She thinks I only want her for sex... I definetly will look for counseling.
2006-09-25 09:47:07 · update #1
Wow, anything could be happening here.
Does she work out side the home? If not maybe she is feeling like something is missing in her life. Sometimes a woman needs more than just to be a mother and a wife.
You might want to consider losing the sarcastic remarks, even though she may not say anything she may be harboring recentment because of it. You might just ask her how she feels when you are sarcastic.
"if she sees me upset, she will get mad" what exactly does this mean? Is she upset at you for being upset or does it upset her because she doesn't like seeing you upset?
"She beautiful, doesnt like to be with us" Who is us, you and her or you and the kids? If she is avoiding you then she may be having an affair, but I wouldn't be too quick to assume this... if she is avoiding the kids as well then she may be just overall unhappy with her life. Maybe her career, or lack of a career.
Anything could be happening here, you need to find a way to express your concerns to her.
If she is "wrongfully" accusing you of cheating a few things could be happening. Either she is cheating and wants to find an excuse for it, or you may be doing things that indicate an affair, or she may just be very insecure and again this could be a result in her feeling as if something is missing in her life.
Its so hard to be out here on this side of a computer screen and really be able to know what is going on with so little information.
Try to take her out for dinner and do whatever you can to make her feel special and then discuss your concerns with her. Reassure her that you love her and you feel she is unhappy and this makes you sad and if she could only tell you what is making her unhappy you will do anything in your power to help make it better. I think you may get somewhere with that.
Good luck!
2006-09-25 09:43:29 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW. That sounds a lot like where my marriage was four years ago. My husband and I had basically stopped communicating about anything other than the kids. Everything else was left to the side. And a lot of what you are describing about your wife was me and trust me, that is depression. She is feeling hurt, used and my bet is unappreciated. You need to get into counseling as a couple. Oh..and the feelings of jealousy and worried of cheating usually do come from someplace, but it doesn't always stem from other women in your life. My husband's mistress of choice was his computer. He made sure the bills were paid, spent time with our kids and then logged on for the rest of the night. He would chat, websurf, game and eventaully began his own website. I was left to spend the evenings waiting for him to log off. When he would, he'd want sex and then go log back on. Take a look at what you are doing once the kids are sleeping and what your priorities are. Get a good therapist, start the work and be ready to work harder than you ever have.
2006-09-25 16:44:16 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she has given up on the relationship, but needs you for the financial support. Her cheating is very likely in this case. She could also be suffering from a chemical depression. You have no choice here but to confront her about your problems, just make sure you do it when you are both in good moods, not in the middle of a fight. In fact, get someone to watch the kids so you can have an adult discussion without interruptions. Be prepared to suggest counseling, you need it. If she won't go with you, you go alone. Something is wrong here and Yahoo Answers is not going to fix it.
2006-09-25 16:31:55 · answer #3 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck if you decide to stay with her because of the kids, because i know that you don't want to hurt your kids. However, she seems to me that there's another relationship going on and it became personal and stressful for home. Also, there's two sides to every story, maybe you change a little and its scary for her right now and she can't think of it as nothing else but another woman, you do know the devil stay busy. However, you are the main problem @ this time, and it's causing the kids problems too. I feel you'll should seperate for awhile and get professional help or find away to leave it along without hurting the kids. I will think on it some more, but for right now continue to be a real man and good father to your kids.
2006-09-25 16:55:29 · answer #4 · answered by kaye7801 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sarcasm can bite like a knife - so watch that. When is the last time you sent her flowers "just because"? Brought her a piece of jewellery? Did the dishes? Made a meal? All of these things seem material, but they mean a lot to a woman, because they are a validation, a show that the man is caring. Remember, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Cherish your wife and treat her like a queen - then you will feel more like a man.
2006-09-25 16:33:08 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As horny as you probably are, remind yourself youre not getting it the way youre doing things. Or its forced on her. Not in the physical sense. Anyways, try being affectionate, holding her hand, kissing her on the chhek, even long kisses. DONOT try and follow through with intercourse. Or even oral. For one month. Seriously. One month of having no expectations of getting laid if you touch her. I know youre going to say Ive tried that. But try it again. When she rejects you or pushes you away and makes a remark like now youre going to expect sex arent you? Simply say No. But its cool if you want your space. And mean it! Dont pout. Dont tell her you didnt get married to have to beg for sex. Or how hard you work the least you should get is some affection from your wife. And when you finally do make the move if she doesnt first(you might be surprised) make sure its a day she feels sexy and pretty. Take her out. Get rid of the kids. Ask her if she would like to meet you for dinner and a night away. If she still doesnt feel like it, tell her its all good. Whenever youre ready let me know. When she is be adventurous. Dont be the same guy shes been having sex with for...Years? Seriously, take her to a sex shop. Insist you go. Buy her a vibrator. Not sexy lingerie for you. A vibrator or sex toy just for her. And have some fun. It becomes so dutiful for us women you have no idea. We really start to resent you for it. We have that hangup of you seeing us as slutty when we so wish you would say lets get kinky! I promise you even if shes ultra conservative, shell go for it. Make her go for it. But only after she feels no pressure or obligation. And get a pocket pussy for those lonely nights. Or see an escort. I much rather have my guy do that than find a mistress or pressure me constantly. I just dont need to know. Good luck. We so want you to take the lead to places were too shy to bring up.
2006-09-25 20:02:03 · answer #6 · answered by aperfectpeach 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs a break. Even if you cook a nice dinner, romantic with candles. With no expectations behind this. Help with housework, take the kids to the park so she can read a book and relax for a couple hours. Even a nap will revive her. She needs you to help her. Little things, laundry, cleaning, sweeping, vacuuming. Please, she is crying out for this support.
2006-09-25 16:30:24 · answer #7 · answered by flower 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
slapping is immature. very wrong. and I think your making yourself look like the good guy. re think it and get a therapist. Mu husband and I got one when we got married just to open us up and help each other understand problems and how to work on them. I swear it helps.
2006-09-25 16:28:46 · answer #8 · answered by leaves_of_autumn171311 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
COMMUNICATION AND WORKING OUT YOUR PROBLEMS IS HARD IN A RELATIONSHIP, NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF THE REASON YOU MARRIED HER. MAYBE COUNSELING .
2006-09-25 16:28:23 · answer #9 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seek marriage couseling if you want to make it work!!
2006-09-25 16:28:49 · answer #10 · answered by leenabootie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋