I've been asking a lot of pregnancy&parenting questions, because there's a chance i'm pregnant. I know some will say that I shouldn't have a child out of wedlock, but it happened,&it's too late for that. The situation is, my bf comes from a different culture than me, in which there is zero tolerance for having children out of wedlock. Last night, I learned that when I find out if i'm pregnant, he expects to get married ASAP because he doesn't want to tell his parents about the baby before we get married. I asked him why we couldn't wait a few months at least,&he says its because his family will be calculating the months of the wedding,&the time the baby appears. I love my bf,& I will love this child. We've talked about marriage a lot, but I just didn't expect to rush into a wedding so fast. I would like to take at least a month, but he feels that there is no time to waste. Should I, out of respect for he and his culture, just go ahead&get married as soon as I get the results?
2006-09-25 09:23:53 · 23 answers · asked by LadyBug 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His parents are in another country, and I haven't met them yet. I don't want them to dislike me because of not being married to their son. I also don't want them to be angry with him for not being married. I want his family to like me so badly. I just wanted to wait and at least take time to plan things before getting married just like that. But he wants to get married, possibly the very week I get pregnancy results. He knows that his family will be calculating our wedding with the nine months it takes to have a baby, and he does NOT want them to know it was conceived beforehand. What should I do???
2006-09-25 09:26:19 · update #1
You might as well.
2006-09-25 09:25:31 · answer #1 · answered by Miss J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should get married because you have a man and not a boy. There are many men out there that would have left, he is stepping out to the plate. Getting married is not a big deal because divorce is so easy to get. Having a child is a greater deal because it is a life commitment. I think you should get off the computer and go buy you a pregnancy test at the local store and get married immediately just out of respect of your child. If you were not ready for marriage maybe you should have not had sex. Why would you think about cheating your child out of a father. You can get married by the end of the week. Go a head and do it.
2006-09-25 09:30:31 · answer #2 · answered by Errolyn27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So maybe you wanted to marry him any way, but thats beside the point the point is that your feeling confused an d doubtful, and I have found it to be so true that when in doubt dont do it. this isnt just about what his parents think. It's about your life and your baby's life, and say you get married and in 2 or 3 years you get divorced what would they think about that. You have to make sure your ready and the timing is right you dont want to look back and have regrets that could have been prevented, besids he wasn't this concerned while he was he was fornicating which I'm sure is against his parents beliefs as well. Good Luck.
2006-09-25 09:40:41 · answer #3 · answered by daiseynavigator 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If its possible, find out if they(his parents) would be more mad with a well planned but later wedding or if it is better to have a hastily planned shotgun wedding. Either way they will find out that the baby was concieved before marriage so this issue wont go away just by getting married.
2006-09-25 09:32:10 · answer #4 · answered by Mike S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not accept his proposal, which by the way is the honorable thing, he might not ever marry you. He might also go back to his original country without you or support. Do whats right. Marry this guy and do it soon. Your child deserves his father and family. If you weren't sure about dealing with the consequences you should have been more careful.
2006-09-25 09:47:30 · answer #5 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I respect your respect for him and his culture, but what about respect for You and Your culture? Without going on a rant, let me say this: my family has been in North America for 19 generations and counting. I've been to other countries and cultures and have respect for them all, so why is it that we get the immigrants who seem to think that they and their culture are soooo superior and yet they are living on the backs of those of us whose ancestors actually built Our culture? My point is this: your boyfriend And his family live here, it wouldn't hurt them to adapt to us instead of expecting us to adapt to them. Or maybe everyone could meet halfway etc., but regardless- tolerance is Always better as a two way street.. Also being rushed into a marriage is Not a good way to enter into such an important life decision.
2006-09-25 09:33:39 · answer #6 · answered by ron k 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were serious enough to have sex and conceive the baby out of wedlock. You should honor him in his wishes and get married as fast as you can. Get a divorce later if things don't agree with you.
2006-09-25 12:16:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is following his religion...he should have married you before he even had sex with you! He cannot force you to marry him...so marry him when you are good and ready! Screw his parents...it is your life...you guys should live it how you want to...regardless of religion. Having a child out of wedlock isn't really all that bad of a thing..it isn't like God is going to strike you with lightning or anything...or like the Devil is going to reach up from hell and cast a death spell on you! Good luck, and do what YOU want to do...not what anyone else tells you to do.
2006-09-25 09:34:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go ahead and marry him. You can allways devorce if it doesn't work out. Think of the kid. The guy is going to be the kids father whether it works out or not. Nobody likes being a basterd child, so why put that onto the child. Who cares what the parents think. Think of the kid.
2006-09-25 10:26:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does his culture say about premarital sex? What does it say about divorce? Which one is worse, having the baby out of wedlock or divorce? And just what does zero tolerance entail? Will he be hanged? WIll they disown him? (and if so, that's just wrong). Weigh your pros and cons, but don't let anyone else make decisions like this for you. It's forever.
2006-09-25 09:39:50 · answer #10 · answered by L P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's the guy you want to marry eventually anyway, go for it. If you're having second thoughts, though, I wouldn't. Chances are his family will find out one way or another.
2006-09-25 09:27:15 · answer #11 · answered by justhoughtidcheck 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋