Just wondering if anyone had any helpful hints on how to handle this situation. I constantly get upset because he doesn't want one and I do. Should I act like I don't want one and maybe that'll do it? Should I just quit talkin about it to him and give it time in hopes that he changes his mind? Before we got married he said he wanted a big family and now he doesn't! We have a wonderful marriage and this is the only thing that is causing a problem. Please help! I'd love to have some advice.
2006-09-25 09:23:22 · 13 answers · asked by rideabanjopicker 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i don't have all the time in the world. I'm 30 and he's 35. He has 2 children with his previous wife and I have one child with my ex. I want one of our own and I thought he did too.
2006-09-25 09:28:11 · update #1
Thats a tough one! He would not like you on the sly getting preg,So you really have to figure out why he doesnt and clear the air once and for all.Tell him it was agreed you have kids when you married and u expect him to keep his word and do it! And what is his final time line of having them?Good luck!
2006-09-25 09:30:10 · answer #1 · answered by jessy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thanks for all the details in the question. This statement that was the most powerful statement you made "Before we got married he said he wanted a big family and now he doesn't!", I would say these are the following reasons:
1. He does NOT want a child with you.
2. He mislead you into a marriage because he stated he wanted children but after the marriage he is say he does not want children. ( He married you under false pretenses).
3. Talking about this situation will not help because it my you look like a *****.
Conclusion is you got married under false pretenses and you need to get a divorce because even if you have a child with this man, your husband will ALWAYS remind you he NEVER wanted the child. This child will NEVER have the love HIS other two children get no matter what.
2006-09-25 16:40:24 · answer #2 · answered by Errolyn27 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Accept his decision. With marriage comes compromise and he's telling you he doesn't want kids. You can't force him....you shouldn't try and get pregnant anyway...the best thing is to just be patient and maybe he will change his mind - but if he doesn't, you should be OK with it.
I'm 28 and have been married 1 year, my husband is 36. I told him before we got married that I didn't want kids and he was fine with that. He said whatever happens he will be happy - now that is a good guy!!! In a marriage you must learn to be flexible and you can't always get what you want.
2006-09-25 16:32:42 · answer #3 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally I think that children and sex are the two most important things that should be nailed down BEFORE marriage. If someone has an agreement BEFORE marriage and then changes their mind AFTER the marriage, I think that is grounds for divorce. You seem to have plenty of mouths to feed already, so I can't see why you need to bring yet another kid into this world, but you yourself have to decide if it is worth leaving him to find yet another man to give you another child, or if maybe he is right, and you aleady have been blessed enough. I am split between your being right for making him stick to his commitments, and his being right for not wanting any more kids.
2006-09-25 16:47:10 · answer #4 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's really something you should have talked about before marriage. I have always been cautious about the men I date because I have never wanted children. It's hard. You can't change his mind. Do you think he can change yours? Your both probably in a very similar boat, you want to change each others minds.
You really need to sit down and talk to him because something like this can really break a marriage a part.
2006-09-25 16:55:25 · answer #5 · answered by kristina 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Because you "thought" he wanted kids is not enough. It obviously takes two to agree to have a child - and don't you dare go getting pregnant on purpose! Have a wonderful talk with him, over a length of time, and if he really, really doesn't, then you have to deal with that. You do already have a child, and he has two. You had to have known this was not going to be a fairytale relationship.
2006-09-25 16:35:12 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am in the same dillema. We don't have any children at all. He did the same thing....said he wanted a family, then just changed his mind.
I'm seriously thinking about leaving him.
But I would suggest to you that you seek counseling.
2006-09-25 16:32:19 · answer #7 · answered by ♣ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I want to know why this was not discussed before you got married, if you get pregnant this will be a bad situation because he doesnt want kids, bad for the kid regardless,
2006-09-25 16:34:35 · answer #8 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can control this...if you guys are having unprotected sex....just don't use any birth control and tell him you are. What is he going to do about it once you are pregnant? Would you rather have children or a husband? If it were me....I'd get pregnant and divorce him...but having kids is very important to me
2006-09-25 16:37:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You have plenty of time for children, take this time and build up a nest egg for when he is ready.
2006-09-25 16:26:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋