its been going on for along time like years i'm only 31and has 2 great kids.but he calls me down to the dirt at times ,he wont help out at home with housework,i ask him to help our son with his homework he says no! i done school now i'm finished i aint touchin it again...he gets made at my every move.his parents live next door him and his parents are always saying i'm wasting hubbys money(i never go outside so how do i waste money).he got mad at me yesterday because i said i was going out to bingo (yup bingo )and when i came home he left for work never spoke to words 2 me or even said bye.he usually calls me every day and he never today.i feel like a maid in the marriage...not a wife.
2006-09-25 09:22:37 · 23 answers · asked by browneyez 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he wont go to coucelling i'v asked .he put his fist upto me once but never hit.
2006-09-25 09:28:14 · update #1
Sounds like you're in a lot of emotional pain. I encourage you to talk to a real counselor, one that specializes in marriage counseling. If he won't go, then get some therapy yourself anyway. You are likely dealing with some dependancy/codependency issues. The bottom line is that you need to decide where your boundaries are and stick to them and you must insist on being treated with respect. If he is being abusive to you, don't put up with it! Let him know how you feel and get mentally (and physically and financially) prepared for at least a separation. Then, let him know that you are willing to give him a great big "time out" if he doesn't start treating you well.
Sometimes guys change and sometimes they don't. You can really only change yourself. Be brave! I hope it works out for you!
2006-09-25 09:29:30 · answer #1 · answered by Zebra4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's life. Nothing can be perfect. just try to talk it out. Maybe you can both try helping you children with their home work. Do that for a few weeks and then have your husband try it by himself. If that doesn't work have you and your husband do it together for a longer amount of time.
The reasond why you want to divorce, but you don't at the same time, is its hard to let things go. Its like if your walking in the yard and then a dog comes over and accidentally trips you. Your mad at the dog, but you won't hurt the dog because you love him. It's just hard to let things go.
You should talk about financial plans, together. He should have no reasond to be mad at you for the money that he is spending. But sometimes people are idiots. Sometimes they are smart and sometimes their not and maybe you guys should go on vacation, to somewhere, to just get away from his parents, your kids, (not that their obnoxious) Go with your husband, just spend some time alone, talk go do somthing you both like to do.
He also has no right for you to go play Bingo. He spends money alot, so you should be able to also. If he yelled at you, that isn't right, and you then should tell him about all the money he spends.
2006-09-25 16:42:01 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried telling him these things, is there counseling at a church or community health center? It's costs nothing to pray too! Communication is the key, you might consider calling his parents on the disparaging things they are saying if you can do so in a kind an calm manner. Then what ever they say take with a grain of salt and a touch of truth and then self examine. You and your man need to get on the same page though!
2006-09-25 16:29:02 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah Lock 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you could really benefit from talking to a domestic violence counselor. They can help you sort out all of the things in your head, work on your self esteem and help you with saftey planning if you decide to leave. Most towns have a DV or victims services agency and of those, most of them have free, confidential counseling. Check your phone book.
Best of luck to you. Please know that you are not alone. There are so many women all over the world who find themselves trapped in abusive relationships. Just know that you deserve to be treated better then this.
2006-09-25 16:26:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
maybe
maybe if this keeps happening you should maybe stop and just say this needs to stop and then walk away that's what I had to do once I also was treated like dirt am very sorry because I didn't like it very much either. and if this keeps happening maybe you should just leave him for a while make sure he calls you every day so you know your other child is safe if not you might wanna go back and cheek on him/her if he/she is hurt ask what happened. if you didn't like how he is acting still call the police and maybe they can help.
2006-09-25 16:32:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds guilty. And most people who are mean and degrade others have some sort of insecurity. sounds like he needs some help. And maybe you need some time away to help you and maybe he will realize what he could be losing, its normal to stuggle with leaving your spouse because all want to believe is that they will change and things will go back to being good. But its not good for your kids to see him behave this way. its teaching your son how to treat women.
2006-09-25 16:31:35 · answer #6 · answered by daiseynavigator 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are an abused wife, in my opinion. Mental and emotional battering can take place in many ways. He seems, according to your post here, controlling and abusive, and his parents do too.
I cannot advise you to leave, but I can beg you to somehow get some help. Seek out a good counselor or go to your local mental health clinic and you can get someone knowledgable to speak to. You need help and encouragement. I am sorry you are going through this.
2006-09-25 16:27:43 · answer #7 · answered by Wanting to remain anonymous 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are unhappy...two words Marriage Counselor....then if that doesn't work then and only then should you get a divorce....Have you and your husband place your marriage on a soild foundation...The lord......
Try to work a change and pray....only through action can we bring or work a change.
Stay positive and do what you can...then decide What you want and need to do for the rest of your life...because we only GET ONE life.
2006-09-25 16:28:16 · answer #8 · answered by Lovely B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is verbal and psychological abuse. This is not okay. His parents are facilitating this, and that is not okay. You need to take your kids and get out of this relationship. He will make you feel worse and worse about yourself until you have nothing left about yourself that you like. He uses that to control you, keep you in line, and keep you around. Don't take one more second, and get out. Maybe he can change his behavior, maybe he will. But chances are, this will not stop. Your son will be copying this behavior himself soon, and that isn't something you want. Get out, before it's too late.
2006-09-25 16:27:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from an older women who has been married three times and have grandchildren I am having to help raise. Do what you have to do to make yourself happy as long as you do your share in the "partenership",you are not being unreasonable, you are not the maid .YOU ARE A PARTENER IN A RELATIONSHIP!
2006-09-25 16:34:21 · answer #10 · answered by ROBIN J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋