Fair is fair, so what is fair?
I have been through two marriages. I am still waiting over
two years to get divorce resolved with the second marriage.
Just trying to give you some idea of what kind of answers I
am looking for. It is difficult to go into details as to
how this came about. As a teenager I thought a decent
marriage would just happen. I thought things would just click.
Anyway, my thought is that if I manage to get married again I
may have a woman at home keeping house and maybe even taking care of a child. At the same time I may be out on the road
risking my life to raise money to pay the bills etc. This is
all assuming that my wife is not really working to bring
money in while I am working to bring money in.
I "am" looking for concepts that can be more universally
applicable. This question, however, is a precursor to a more
philosophical perspective.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/vegetariancounseling
2006-09-25 08:45:55 · 15 answers · asked by devotionalservice 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My question is what would be fair in regards to my earnings being spent? Every family member would have needs, desires and hopes in life. But, this has been known to be one reason for conflict between husband and wife. What is your expert opinion?
2006-09-25 08:51:15 · update #1
Have you ever considered a community chest? Some or all moneys would be deposited into one account for use of the family as a whole.
2006-09-26 17:33:50 · update #2
Fair is fair..That's right.What is fair for you should be fair for her and vice versa,However that's not the way it usually goes.One or the other is usually a little more giving,a little more loving,a little more respectful ansd so on..Marriage(in my opinion) is a 50-50 deal.It matters not who stays home and mans the homefront or who works to pay the bills and provide,marriage is a partnership.You become "one" when you get married,everything is to be shared equally.I believe that the one at home does the majority of the housework and cooking, BUT..even the one at home works their butt off keeping up with everything(assuming they actually do it)and especially if there are any kids.That in itself is a 24/7 job for both parents,but especially the one that's at home the most with them...So they need a day off too,or a night out,time with friends to be someone besides mommy or daddy.That also holds true I think to husbands and wives.Being married doesn't mean you have to give up being you..having friends or time to yourself! Everything has to be shared..the money...the responsibility..the work and the love and respect.Good communication is also a key to fairness.Without it..you may as well forget it.I know this is a long answer..but having been married a couple of times myself I know what I expect and what I would like in a marriage.And one more thing..A little jealousy goes a loooong way,too much can kill a relationship,so there has to be COMPLETE TRUST.If there is no trust,no respect,no compassion,then there can be no love and certainly no marriage. Just my opinion.
2006-09-25 09:27:01 · answer #1 · answered by desguisedangel06 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off you've got to know that each time you get a divorce your chances of a happy marriage the next time around decrease expodentially. With two failed marriages behind you your chances of success are pretty slim. I think the best thing you could do rather than worrying about whether she'd stay home or not is to seek therapy for yourself and investigate whether or not you should even consider a third marriage down the road. Some people are just better at being single.
2006-09-25 15:55:44 · answer #2 · answered by janisko 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is fair? Fair is equal. What you own or possess, should also be hers. There is no "my" in marriage, she is working just the same as you. How would dinner be made, laundry get done, house get cleaned, food in the house, etc...You work outside the home to make money so she can do these things for you. So its like a team effort, both of you are just as important as the other. So dont try to make things even, just give what you can and love her the rest of the way.
2006-09-25 16:05:36 · answer #3 · answered by Kuiper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you might be putting yourself on a pedistal. You have to keep the mentality that everything she does, is just as important as what you do. You may be out "risking your life" and putting food on the table, but she is at home raising tomorrow's adults. It's not easy. If you don't support each other, it wont work. So say your lifelong dream is to go to college and be a successful business man. That's great. And, maybe her life long dream has been to raise a family. Though they are different, they are equally as important. No one mans desires are greater than anyone elses. A goal is a goal reguardless of what it is. If you support her goals, she will support yours. Fair and square. :)
2006-09-25 15:52:17 · answer #4 · answered by Belle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think a woman should take care of the kids but i think a man should to. i am going to have a job but i will never put my kids in daycare. i will show support for my kids i will be in there life's.
but what men forget is that is there duty also. they need to be there for there kids. i think marriage should be 50/50 everything is even that's the house work the parenting even if the wife doesn't make money she is a cook a babysitter a house cleaner a mom a driver. that's a lot of jobs to hold down without getting paid
but that's just my thought
2006-09-25 15:54:32 · answer #5 · answered by carmelfude2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only advice or answer I can give here will be a littel vague, but more direct and true than you might think:
Marriage is hard work. Both the husband and the wife have to work at it. Marriage does not just "go" well. Good luck! 3 times a charm?!
2006-09-25 15:49:55 · answer #6 · answered by Yahoo! Answers Chic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Inherent Nature
Knwo the inherent nature of woman's
know how to belove for women and make them kook,
the way of be loved.
Do not be Wussy (kiss ***)
Be responsible and let them know you are the men
Knowing the science of how to be a men and how to make
them to love You
Conbined the knowledgw of woman's nature and Vaisnava knowledge, could be the vest result, in this way they have to
be a committing results.
If not, letting go, there are many womans.
Men are the spiritual guide.
Woman have more tendencies to attach to the object of the senses, there volatile mind attach to that is sitting by nature,
these why they have to be controlled.
How!
There natural setting on woman are attracted for the men's nature.
It's make sense, Don't You.
MRYTIWN9
2006-09-26 14:18:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes two to make a marriage work, it just doesn't happen. Find out what you want in a marriage and find a woman that is real and not fake. That means not rushing into a relationship and having good communication.
2006-09-25 15:58:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
MARRIAGE IS WORK!!!!!! It is like another job. You have to constantly work at to make it work. You have to find someone who wants the same things you want and who will appreciate what you have to offer. There is no such thing as an easy marriage. I've been married for 6 years and it sometimes feel like 20 but I love the way my husband and I communicate. There is nothing like it.
2006-09-25 15:53:13 · answer #9 · answered by ga_gyrl91 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that you didn't find the right woman yet...a marriage isn't just a responsibility to take care of the house or the kid...marriage is about passion. when you get marry you want to make happy the person that you love and you want to protect that person and be be with him/her the rest of your life...did you feel like that for any of your ex wife?
2006-09-25 15:56:43 · answer #10 · answered by nice_kitty45 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋