I'm writing a short story and wanted to know how well the start is. Be honest.....
Destination; that's where were're all headed. No time to stop and smell the roses. No time for your mind to rest and just wander. No time to dream. Time is ticking and it waits for no one. Except for one....
2006-09-25 08:42:40 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Thanks for the tough critics! I'm learning already!
2006-09-25 08:59:31 · update #1
Trite and it's all been said before. Especially, the "time waits for no one," is an old one. Come up with something a bit more original and not so cryptic. You need to set the stage with your first paragraph and this doesn't cut it.
2006-09-25 08:48:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
leave out the that's where we're all headed. It makes it redunadant. Destination... No time to stop and smell the roses. No time for your mind to rest and just wnader. No time to dream. No time to just " be ". Time is ticking and it waits for noone- or does it?
You have to lead into the " except one " a little more fluidly.
Sounds really good so keep writing.
2006-09-25 08:47:44 · answer #2 · answered by bootsjeansnpearls 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Not too bad. I think it will work, but you need an outline of the story line that you can fill in. There does seem to be a contradiction in your last words that "time waits for no one," but the exception of course starts another story.
2006-09-25 08:51:11 · answer #3 · answered by Pey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its fine- good and immediate. But the most important thing is to get the plot and story written- that establishes a very urgent feeling at the start but you have got to keep it going- your staccato sentences make me feel that this is an adventure story et al- I don't think anyone can say very much without seeing the whole story- I know that doesn't help very much but good luck with the story
http://gracchii.blogspot.com
2006-09-25 08:47:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly....
I didn't like the last two sentences of it. "Time is ticking and it waits for no one. Except for one..."
It sounds very contradicting and should be reworded. You just said time waits for no one and in the following sentence you say that time waits for someone.
2006-09-25 08:52:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A time travel story? Great! I'm into Science fiction too. Check out my 360.
2006-09-25 08:46:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless "Destination" is the name of an actual place, it's tautologous to say we're all heading there. It's like saying, "Tomorrow; that's what will be here after today has ended." Yep, it sure will.
2006-09-25 08:48:28 · answer #7 · answered by Superprofundo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stories usually start with a description of where the story is taking place.
2006-09-25 08:50:01 · answer #8 · answered by Clown Knows 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat. Now how does this sound ?
Once upon a time ................
That's all I've written meantime
2006-09-25 09:01:42 · answer #9 · answered by mindtelepathy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds great.
2006-09-25 08:44:45 · answer #10 · answered by Jamie W 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋