How can I stop trying to control people?

Question

I'm married, mother to a newborn. In past relationships I've always had issues with trust, jealousy, and control. Now it's causing a major strain on my marriage, I'd like to change but I don't know how or where to start. My main issue is being controlling and bossy, how can I change myself to save my family?

I have a therapist. We did marriage counseling for awhile but now we're separated and I go alone.

Answer 1

concentrate on your person, on your self growing. you have to be strong to repeat it thousand times in a day, i let go of wanting to control other people in my life. when you begin doing this, you just have a different sense of life.

are you scared to lose someone, that is why you want to control them? just let go- if people want to buy a house, go with friends, wear what they want, just accept their decision, cause they are free to do what they want, you can only make a suggestion or say your opinion how they should do it, but donot insist on changing others or make them do what you want against their will- that is controlling them, stop putting them down, calling names, start to talk and communicate with them, donot manipulate or play on what they fear in order to do what you want, that is controlling, start loving them as a unique person, who has the right to do what they want, that is a good start

Answer 2

I wish I knew. I am in the same boat pretty much. I know that my insecurities come from past relationships. I have been hurt and cheated on so much that it has caused me to not trust my husband. He has never done anything for me to not trust him. He keeps telling me that he loves me and married me and doesn't want anyone else! We fought so hard this weekend all over me thinking the worst!! He said if it continues then we won't last. I am about to start seeing a therapist to work on my issues. I know that I have to let go of the past and quit treating my husband like he's one of the bad guys! Because he's not them and he didn't do to me what they did. I believe once I get to the core problem I will be able to change! I will probally have to deal with childhood issues and relationship issues that have caused me to feel the way I do. I know it will be hard but I am willing to do whatever it takes to save my marriage! I will pray for you and hope that it gets better for you! I wish I could offer some advise, all I can say is I know where you are coming from!

Answer 3

I would definitely continue with the therapy even though you are separated. I think talking to someone else will help you release the frustration you feel by not being in control all the time. Ask your husband to go to therapy with you so ya'll can work on your marriage. I think if you will give him some time and show him that you are changing that you can repair your marriage. Good Luck!

Answer 4

First, ask your self did it help your last relationship or hurt it? Look back on all the times that you thought you were controlling and double it because it was twice as hard on him. You know you had a rational reason at the time for it, but did it help in the end? You can never really love a person if you don't have a little faith you will only ruin it.

Answer 5

look i had that same problem maybe i wasnt married and ya sometimes it comes back the feelings, here is what i did i took a long look at myself and already lost the person i loved cause i was controlling and jealouse so i said if i ever wanna be happy i better just change, and sometimes people cant change its who they are they can simmer down some not be so bad at it so maybe thats what you should do simmer down, i woudnt see a therapist they are a waiste of money trust i've seen too much to know that person who you have too tell you whole story to for them just to be like and how do you feel bout that? are you seriouse, well its all bout you and how what you can do for yourself i think if you just sit down and look at all the things that have gone wrong and say hey i better not over react so much bout such little things life is too short to fuse over the little things you know well hope i have helped some

Answer 6

I think what you are doing now is probably good. Therapy is always a great thing to do if you are having any sorts of issues.

I guess you need to dig deep inside and find out why you are like this. Why do you feel the need to control every little situation? Is it beause you fear what is unknown? You don't know what will happen if things aren't "just so"? If that's it, then dig deeper, why do you feel fear in this... Or maybe you have obsessive compulsive disorder.

Answer 7

In the Bible both man and woman has their own role is a family discribed and in black and white. A woman was made out of Adam, the woman is only an adviser, the woman's role model is to be the star of the family because your children will be just like you. This is the nature of a man, when you trust your husband meaning overall everything, you overcome anything that comes in the way because of your trust. Who is the crazy to go around hurting you or to leave if that is how you are.. Remember you are not only the star to your children you are also the star to your husband.. Everything depends on the woman, as for me, I kiss the ground he walks on for the sake of my children.. Because of my children, everything to me is possible.. Try living your life only for your children not your husband, it is hard but try thinking of your children before anything else...

Answer 8

You only have power over yourself not others, maybe you fear being hurt as you have been hurt in the past, but you will get more hurt controlling others, remember that you are special and God loves you and accepts you as you are the more you relise this the less you will try to control others and let God be in control of your life, take care denise.

Answer 9

well if you did alll that and your still the same, I guess theres no hope for you. Find someone who likes that quality in person and spend the rest of your life with him because it seems like your a lost cause....

Answer 10

be nice or you will always find yourself alone- do unto others as you would like done unto you -it's hard, but how would you feel if somebody treated you like that?