Here's the deal: He's always gone out a lot and I let him because he's not in prison. He almost never takes me out (from the day we were married - 12 years ago - he has treated me more like a burden than the love of his life.) In the past year I've become increasingly certain that his lies (which have always been obvious) are more than just silly slip-ups like he'd like me to believe. He's been writing to girls on Craigs List personals (says he's just doing it as a joke) and calling and text messaging quite a few girls as well as e-mail them. The e-mails don't have anything overly incriminating, but he always tells me he doesn't have time to call me nor write me e-mails from work, so why does he have time to do so with other women? Also, when he realized I could tell every call me made on his cell phone, he got a prepaid phone and hid it. I found his secret phone, but he made up a crazy story of why he had it. I know he's still lying to me even though he claims he's not.
2006-09-25 08:33:37 · 29 answers · asked by Chicka B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have four beautiful children, which is the only reason I'm even giving this any consideration. If it weren't for them, I'd have left long ago. He is gone afterwork unexplainable hours, he explains, but I don't believe him.
He says he's been honest since I confronted him about the secret phone, but I know he's not. HELP! What should I do?
2006-09-25 08:36:27 · update #1
There's just no excuse. Sorry to sound conceited but I'm gorgeous. Size 4, 5'9" Blonde/Light Brown Hair, Blue Eyes, I bathe daily. I make his lunch every day I make his dinner every night and dessert in the bedroom anytime he wants. I'm nice (when I'm not being lied to or made a fool of.) I'm smart (although not smart enough to leave a cheater.) But all of this is not even an issue, the fact of the matter is that if I were not attractive or did not care for myself with good hygeine or if I were a real jerk to live with, he should leave me, not run around on me...right?
2006-09-25 08:59:17 · update #2
He smashed that secret phone and then went out and bought another one. He just admitted it to me. Am I right that this will never end if I stay with him?
2006-09-25 09:52:46 · update #3
get a friend to babysit for you and do what he does...go out and enjoy...if you wanted 5 kids i'm sure you would of had another one..he sounds like an asshole..he's cheating on you...sounds like it to me..had it done to me..i divorced the jerk...i have 2 boys and i felt the same way you do..for the kids..but you know what the kids are going to be grown up soon and then where does that leave you..your doing it on your own anyway so what difference does it make if he isn't around..beside what about you..he will never stop because you allow for his lies and believe me he is laughing all about it inside..smash his computer if that is what its going to take to be able to spend time with him..he sounds like a bullshitter to me..smack him up along side of his head and tell him he needs to straighten out..hey good luck..but i don't think your getting anywhere with your husband..he already has his mind set on his ways and only his..i say ditch his asssssss
2006-09-25 09:07:41 · answer #1 · answered by twinky 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im not sure of kicking him out, seeing as though u are married and should be able to discuss what is goin on.
Since it seems like he likes to lie, and apparently thinks ur stupid, or else he wouldnt keep doing it, confront him one last time about everything. If it still seems like he is lying, suggest that the two of u go to counseling. Some sessions as a couple, some sessions individual. A third party may be able to tell of any significant problems that you may not be able to see because your already in the relationship.
If you dont feel comfortable in the house with him or whatnot, leave for a while. Dont tell him where ur going, dont say anything, just be gone one day when he gets home from work and dont answer any phone calls from him, but make sure at least one mutual friend knows where u are, in case of emergency. Stay away for a few days. If anything, he will get a taste of his own medicine and mabye be tempted to clean up his act once he sees what life is like without u.
2006-09-25 15:39:54 · answer #2 · answered by scorpioangel22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The very last things you said in your additional comments give the answer for yourself - you think you are all that, and can't believe that someone wouldn't bow at your feet and treat you like a queen. Welcome to the real world - which you should know after 12 years of marriage. We are treated by other people the way we ALLOW them to treat us. What's with you "letting" him go out? You are not his mother. He can ask you or tell you to be polite and considerate, that he is going out, but doesn't really need your permission. What are you doing to keep him at home and wanting him to stay at home, or conversely, to take you out with him? Do you make him feel special and cherished? Are you grateful for the hard work he does at home and on the job? Think you have a lot to think about - talk to him, get things out in the open, and perhaps some professional counselling would not go amiss.
2006-09-25 16:52:33 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay, well, things seem a little more intense than the question you posted ten minutes ago.
What do your kids think? If they're old enough, I think you should talk to them and seek them for advice. If you're doing it to protect their futures, then you should let them have say instead of one day announcing that their father is going to leave for reasons he can't say.
Things have been turned up a notch, and I now advise you to talk to a marriage counsellor. Point out to the counsellor every time he's being dishonest and work things out with him. If you can't find a good counsellor, keep looking for a while or just talk to your closest friends about it. They know you, they know him, they know the situation. They'll be able to give you more grounded advice than a bunch of strangers on Yahoo!
2006-09-25 18:52:58 · answer #4 · answered by Link 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of people Just decide to stay because of the kids.... Well I tried it to for about 4 years and all that was happening was I would get drunk and take it out on him and them I was so unhappy.... So I got the courage up and left him Got me a place for me and the kids 2 Boys but they have friends over at their dads which only lives one street over we get along better then ever now and I see the kids when I want or they come over when they want.... I was with him for 6 years before I found out he was liying to me and had s secret life I tried to hang in another 4 years but that was all I couldn't handel it anymore... Hun if you don't have trust you have nothing... You have to make a better life for you and your kids now don't waste more time life is short HOPE I HELPED......
2006-09-25 15:42:42 · answer #5 · answered by BabyDoll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think you are in denial. I don’t know why you ever married this guy to begin with. If you know that he is answering personal ads, e-mailing, texting and calling other women. Why are you still with him? There are other men out there who would be more than willing to treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Take a stand and leave him...
2006-09-25 16:18:02 · answer #6 · answered by Jessie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well I don't think the divorce should be the first way out although I couldn't stand to be married to someone that sounds so awful but get into church and see if you can get him to come also see the preacher they make very good counselors and see if he will come to counseling with you so you can express your feelings out loud to one another and someone else if this doesn't work and you can't change your life and give it to God for the sake of your children and marriage I don't know what to tell you just give God a chance cause he sure gave us one! Godbless
2006-09-25 15:47:32 · answer #7 · answered by Lauren D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read what you just wrote and tell me if you should kick him out.
He is obviously cheating, you are just in denial, which is understandable cause no one wants to give up on a 12yr marrage. But sometime you need to cut your losses and move on.
But if you don't have the means to move out or do it on your own. hold out for a few months and save money shoot spend his, he wont care hes got other girls to attend to. He will be clueless on your intentions.
Be Strong and remember your on the path to happyness, which you havent had in a long time.
You will never become who you want to be by remaining who you are
2006-09-25 15:44:33 · answer #8 · answered by dido45dido 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick him to the curb! If my husband were doing that, he'd be out so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. Yours isn't a marriage anymore, it's a labyrinth of lies and deceit. If he loved you as a husband should love his wife, none of this would have ever happened.
2006-09-25 15:38:33 · answer #9 · answered by brainy_blonde 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum, Tell him to stop the lying and Craig es list thing and staying out. Or tell him that your going to leave him. If he says he'll stop then start packing your things until it really starts. if it don't then go.
2006-09-25 15:50:12 · answer #10 · answered by skawp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋