ok this is how it goes....I dated a guy in highschool for 5 years, since I was 14. We always talked about getting married, and we believed that we were soul mates....well i ran away from home, and never talked to him again, but i hear that he kinda went off the deap end when i left, and he drinks a lot now, and he did something when he was drunk that put himin jail.ive been marriedalmost 1 1/2 yrs now, and i think about him all the time. I kinda blame myself for him going to jail, 'cuz if i hadn't left, he wouldn't be so hurt. and how do I get him out of my mind though, i have a family now, i can't go back to him, even if I wanted to. so what should I do? I think about him every day! no kidding, and I try not too! What should I do seriously?
2006-09-25 08:30:02 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Why don't you write him and explain yourself.
Let him know you don't intend on coming back as you have moved on and have a family. Let him know you feel terrible and blame yourself somewhat. You will feel better tying up the loose ends and perhaps you can re-kindle your "friendship". I am sure he will appreciate the mail and it may help him get over things and move forward as well.
Good Luck... let me know what happens.
2006-09-25 08:36:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay first of all, this is not your fault! Second, not a dumb question! My advice to you is to contact the guy and get a load off your chest and listen to what he has to say, but keep everything out in the open with your husband. You will need your husband's support to get through this- it may be hard to see your ex in his present situation. Most importantly, no matter what happens, do not blame yourself for what happened in his life.
2006-09-25 15:44:31 · answer #2 · answered by kchip 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to move on. You needed to move on years ago!
Him going to jail was not your fault. He's not a puppet that you control. He makes his own decisions.
It's not fair to you, especially your husband, and your family that you think about this guy. How would you like it if you're husband thought about another women EVERY day? How would that make you feel?
Get counseling, get some help - but let him go. Or you're going to loose your family. Over what? Is he worth it? I think NOT!
2006-09-25 15:36:55 · answer #3 · answered by jt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all make choices in our lives whether they are good or bad. He made a choice to do what he did when you left. It was not your fault he started to drink and take his life in the direction it is going. You on the other hand...Are you happy in your marriage? If you are then go on and be happy. You made a choice and it seems to be a good choice. Be happy. Don't let him dictate your life. Don't let him get that control. You have a different purpose to your life. Take it and run with it.
2006-09-25 15:39:28 · answer #4 · answered by ga_gyrl91 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't feel guilty for other peoples decisions. Just something to think about answer these ?'s to your self....If you believe ya'll were soul mates what was so bad you had to run......if ya'll were soul mates why couldn't you have talked to him about it......at 19 why run. You CAN'T live your MARRIED life with ? of what ifs....Put this man out of your mind and focus on the family you have now.....
2006-09-25 15:40:50 · answer #5 · answered by mckeemk04 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one person causes another person to drink or go to jail. We just aren't that poweful.
Get some counseling to help you focus on what you have today and how to let go of the past.
2006-09-25 15:36:48 · answer #6 · answered by Buffy Summers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is co-dependancy if I ever saw it...
Nobody put a bottle in his hand but himself, and nobody put him in jail but himself. It's quite likely he would have wound up there even if he had never met you. You give yourself too much credit...
I had a boyfriend who had a heart attack (in parking lot at his work) after I split up with him... at first I blamed myself but then a smart person pointed out to me that it was HIS lifestyle that got him to that point, and it would have happened sooner or later regardless of me.
.
2006-09-25 15:36:01 · answer #7 · answered by mama_bears_den 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can not make someone get drunk nor can you make them get sober. The same is true of people who get into trouble...they make their own choices regardless of adversity. The same thing would have occurred if you had stayed only you would have to deal with the consequences of his actions.
2006-09-25 15:47:33 · answer #8 · answered by jodie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might try contacting him. You left him without any closure. You don't have real feelings for him. You have guilt and the what if's. ... Be open and honest with your spouse about doing so and I bet once you talk with him, you will see why the decisions you made were for the best. You need closure.
2006-09-25 15:34:26 · answer #9 · answered by Why do you ask? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't be so vain. You didn't put him in jail. His immature actions put him in jail. He is probably over you by now. You probably caused him a lot of pain but hopefully it will make him stronger.
2006-09-25 15:42:39 · answer #10 · answered by hello 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋