I also have another problem..I've been going out with my current boyfriend for 5 1/2 years and I still don't completely trust him. I had a boyfriend prior to him that cheated on me and broke my heart. My current boyfriend has said to me, "I'm not like him, I would never do anything to hurt you", but whenever we're together he always has his cell phone off and it drives me crazy. Sometimes I think I'm being paranoid because I don't want to be be hurt as badly as I was before. When I ask him why he always has his phone off, he says too many people call him and it gets annoying. I don't want to push my current boyfriend away because of my insecurities. Do you think men actually tell the truth when they say they are not cheating on you and never would?? I also think he might be getting sick of me always questioning him...I don't know how to trust him. I really want to stop, but I want to be sure he is actually faithful. What are signs of a cheater?Please help!!
2006-09-25 08:20:21 · 15 answers · asked by skeptical 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
WELL, BABY DOLL, IF YOU'VE BEEN DATING THIS MAN FOR 5 1/2 YRS AND ARE STILL QUESTIONING HIM BEING FAITHFUL TO YOU, THEN YOU HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM. EITHER YOU TRUST HIM OR YOU DON'T. YOU CAN'T CONTINUE TO MAKE HIM PAY FOR THE MISTAKES OF THE PAST IDIOT...IT WILL DEFINITELY PUSH HIM AWAY.
YES, I THINK THAT MOST MEN ACTUALLY DO TRY TO TELL THE TRUTH, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE WITH A WOMAN FOR THE AMOUNT OF TIME THAT YOU ALL HAVE BEEN TOGETHER. I MEAN WHY WASTE HALF OF A DECADE LYING TO SOMEONE? THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I DON'T THINK THAT HE IS JUST WITH YOU BECAUSE HE HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO, AND IF YOU CAN'T SEE THAT BY NOW, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.
AND...YES, HE PROBABLY IS GETTING SICK OF YOU ALWAYS QUESTIONING HIM. MY BOYFRIEND JUST TOLD ME LAST NIGHT THAT ONE OF THE THINGS THAT HE LOVES SO MUCH ABOUT ME IS THE FACT THAT WHEN HE COMES AND EXPLAINS SOMETHING TO ME, I DON'T ASK 50 MILLION QUESTIONS. "WELL, HOW, AND WHY, AND WHAT TIME, AND WHY AGAIN, AND WITH WHO?"...WILL REALLY GET ON A MAN'S LAST NERVES.
JUST BE COOL, AND BELIEVE ME, WHATEVER YOU NEED TO KNOW WILL DEFINITELY SURFACE, WHETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD...IT WILL SURFACE.
GOOD LUCK BABY GIRL...
2006-09-25 08:32:14 · answer #1 · answered by CHASE_ME 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you've been with him for 5 1/2 years, you should know by now whether he's a man of his word or not. Has he ever lied to you in the past? If not, then you have no reason to doubt him. I think men usually are telling the truth when they say they aren't cheating on you. But if you have to even ask them that question, you have a problem. No one can PROVE that they're being faithful - that's an impossible task for you to ask of him. With someone you truly love, they should always be innocent until proven guilty, not the other way around.
You're right - your insecurities will push him away if you're not careful. If this 5 year relationship means anything to you, you should consider couples counseling so that you can resolve your trust issues.
I know plenty of people who keep their cell phones off. I usually interpret it as a courtesy to me - it's totally annoying when someone stops talking to me so that they can answer their cellphone.
2006-09-25 15:36:43 · answer #2 · answered by ValleyGal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you have trust issues. That's okay, but in a relationship, especially a long term one such as this, it has to be built on trust. With this, if you can't trust, then you should not be in a relationship. But if you have strong feelings for him, then just talk to him about it. Tell him how you're paranoid, yes, because you are. It's not like he has his phone off when you guys aren't together, or he comes around with lipstick on his neck or smells of another woman's perfume. You can tell especially if he becomes rather distant. Anything you need, I can help, I know exactly how it is, and I had the same exact issue but I realized, what's the point of being with that person if you're not enjoying it 1283721365% of the time. If you're not, find someone new.
And if someone is with you that long, you should've but a bit of trust in your foundation, don't you think?
2006-09-25 15:26:56 · answer #3 · answered by Meg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop verbalizing your distrust first of all. That in itself is damaging to the relationship. If you're looking for "signs" you're going to find them whether they're accurate or not. I think the fact that he turns his phone off when he's with you is incredibly sweet and considerate. Women know when someone's cheating. You can feel it. That's woman's intuition. So, give him a chance to show you that he's a good guy. Eluding to the fact that he might be the same kind of dirtball as your ex probably hurts him pretty bad. Just act like everything is okay, and soon enough, you'll start to believe it yourself. Don't worry about cheating until you get some kind of evidence. Until then, enjoy his company and practice trusting him.
2006-09-25 15:58:46 · answer #4 · answered by andi b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have major trust and control issues, seeing a counselor may help you.. Not all people are out to screw with you. You are doing things that become self fullfilling prophecies. You are acting this insanely around your new boyfriend I would not blame him if he did start looking around.
Women who have trust issues generalize behavior of the man who "victimized" them in to all men.
There is a coorelation between your mental health and the people you attract. If you are acting nutzo, you will more likely attract someone with a fix-it mentality or another user.
Get your self to a psychologist or a counselor 1 session per week for about 6-12 months to discuss your trust issues.
2006-09-25 15:26:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men believe they are telling the truth when they say they will never cheat. It's what they believe. In reality, does any of us REALLY know %100 if we will ever cheat or not? There are no absolutes in the world, not even for you.
The only person that will get hurt if you don't learn to trust, is you. Yes, he will move on because of it, sorry. Work with your trust issues, most people, men and women, have no intentions of ever cheating, and most don't, but there are no absolutes.
2006-09-25 15:25:52 · answer #6 · answered by Thomas 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girls are just as bad! trust him and stop questioning him or he'll run! if you still need to know check his phone when he's not around, if you find nothing then give it up, TRUST HIM! You will never know anyway unless your a mind reader or a human lie detector...
2006-09-25 15:29:08 · answer #7 · answered by normal_guy_uk 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
signs of a cheater are different for everyone,first of all if you dont have trust you have nothing. give space and then if you find out for sure hes cheating, then move on. there is some one out there for everyone---trust your instincts-only you know whats right for you--good luck always
2006-09-25 15:25:43 · answer #8 · answered by nonners1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've kinda answered your question. It's not very appealing to show your insecurities. Seems lilke you need to have other things in your life besides him. Don't make him responsible for your happiness. Get a life of your own.
2006-09-25 15:25:41 · answer #9 · answered by cheryle222 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if there isn't a smoking gun after 5 1/2 years he's probably on the up n up
2006-09-25 15:24:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋