If a good friend asked you to be a job reference for his/her significant other, what would you do?

Question

Add into the equation: you don't know the significant other all that well; that person is over the age of 30; that person has some "habits" that you do not like (e.g., using illegal substances); you've been friends with your friend for over 10 yrs; you are well respected in your profession; you have never worked with your friend's significant other.

FYI - I put in the "over 30" remark b/c by that age I would think someone would have had other jobs/know other people better to choose from for references rather than from someone who barely knows that person.

Answer 1

You need to be honest. As you are aware a reference is a serious thing. You need to ask yourself, why do they need a personal reference, as most employers go off previous employers. If they do require a personal reference why do not they approach someone who can vouch for their work suitability. It all seems to indicate that the person is not very sure of themselves and is abusing your friendship to try and secure their partner a job. You need to be honest and say words to the effect of "I am not sure about giving references to people I don't know very well, especially if I've never worked with them in a professional capacity." It may sound like a cop out, but you can not be made to be responsible for other people's actions. Also your friend needs to know it is not fair to test your friendship like that. I know it's hard, but it has to be done. Good luck!

Answer 2

This is gonna sound sneaky, but really it's not. It's just a way to do it without causing hurt feelings and drama.

If asked, say yes to the question, and when the perspective employer calls, THEN tell that employer the truth. The employer is NOT gonna tell them who said what.

You can always tell your friend the truth.

But, when you think about this whole scenario, your friend should never put you into this position. Doesn't this sig...other have friends and family of his/her own to do this? It's like going thru a third party.

Hope this helps. Good Luck!!