In the beginning, I screwed up. I lied about several things, including a dirty magazine that she found. I made a lot of shallow comments about women's bodies. I made comments about her body that weren't very nice.
It's been over two years, and things keep getting worse. Rather than forgive me, she says she feels ugly, she gets drunk and mean with me, she won't lift a finger to help this marriage and she is pushing me away from her. She doesn't want me to see her naked because she feels ugly around me.
I have made changes within myself, but she doesn't see it. We fight all the time.
By the way, this is my third wife and I was married to my second wife when I met her.
2006-09-25 07:47:21 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Once you have broken trust, its over or just a matter of time. While your wife may feel ugly because you have led her to believe its always someone or something else you want, you have also destroyed what she thinks of you as a person. You may think its just a self-esteem issue with her but she has lost the esteem she had for you. At one time in your marriage, she thought of you as her own personal champion but little by little you have shown her that all the wonderful things she thought of you were wrong. YOUR behavior changed your marriage not hers. If you really want to save your marriage, you have to champion the cause and get you both some councelling while there is still a chance. If she won't accept help, its already over. Sorry for your troubles. Good luck.
2006-09-25 08:09:04 · answer #1 · answered by MsDebi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well Ollie...this is another fine mess you've gotten yourself into...
1st marriages end 50% of the time...second marriages end 66% of the time and the percentage goes up for each sucessive marriage after that.
You met this girl when you were married to another....then she probably doesn't trust you at all. And she probably has the right to do so!
If you don't have any children yet with this woman...(please say no) then you need to get divorced and stay single for a long time. You need to get some professional counseling and try to figure out just who you are. You are contilually making the same mistakes over and over again!
Believe it or not I had the same problem! I had four bad marriages and now I'm going it alone for awhile ( along while). I actually like it that way...I'm getting some counseling and am focusing on my life. Maybe someday I'll get attached...then again maybe not. It's not an issue for me anymore.
Your marriage is probably over...you just need someone to tell you it is (by the way it is "over").
Check out the following website. It really helped me.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good luck
2006-09-25 08:36:08 · answer #2 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well dude. you shouldn't have done what you did but we all make mistakes. If you changed yourself then maybe you can show her. Buy her a nighty. Romance her. Pay her compliments. Unfortunately you set wheels in motion, now you'll have to steer this baby home. It will take more work on your behalf then hers. Not to say she shouldn't put effort into this as well.
Now, if you've done this and she is not responding then maybe you need to cut your losses. As it is said many times before, "no sense beating a dead horse" If you are not happy and she is unforgiving... maybe calling it off is the only choice.
There's my professional unprofessional advice.
Oh, and as far as the dirty mags go... Its a magazine. She shouldn't take it so personally. Crickey! My wife knows I have a thing for Supermans "Lana Lane" and a few others as well. She like George Clooney (I don't know why... no offense George) and Kiefer Sutherland (again... whatever). Now if your wife catches you wankin' off on these mags, then well she might have a reason to be peeved...
2006-09-25 08:00:27 · answer #3 · answered by 1loopyferretpsycho 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to marriage counseling. It's something positive you both need in order to restore what once was. Marriage is no walk in the park and sh!t happens. You have to start showing changes and rather than making nasty comments about her, compliment her. You took her self-esteem away, now it's your job to fix it. Quit lying to her, and if you're gonna look at other women (which is human nature), just don't gauk. Tell her she's the most beautiful woman in the whole place. I know you've done some damage to her heart and soul, so it's completely up to you to now to make some changes. Good luck!
2006-09-25 07:58:56 · answer #4 · answered by Shining Ray of Light 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you did this DURING the marriage leaves her wondering if anytime your upset or have an argument, will you resort to the same behavior. Sit down with her and delete your profile from ALL website you signed onto. In front you your wife send a message to the woman who wanted to be just a hook up and tell her your with your wife and unavailable, then delete yourself from the site. If you keep all your activities open, do not hide emails, phone calls or text messages your wife will realize that you are not hiding anything. This will take time, and realize, this only address the trust issue, not the reason you thought the marriage was ending in the first place. That will still need serious work.
2016-03-18 01:13:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you from a woman's point of view. We depend on you as our husbands to tell us we look a certain way that is attractive to you. When you make comments on other women bodies then say negative things about your wife's body will make her feel less. It is gonna take time and patience on your part IF you really want this relationship to work. If you love her you will do whatever it takes to regain her trust no matter how long it takes and never, ever, ever, ever EVER say negative things about your wife again.
2006-09-25 07:53:23 · answer #6 · answered by ga_gyrl91 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said you made changes "Within yourself"
Guess what you need to make changes on the OUTSIDE.
This is no short term fix. You have destroyed her self confidence now you must repair it. Think of her as a bank the more you invest the better the banks health on the other hand you can only take out so much before you leave it bankrupt...
You must start making deposits.
Think in these areas
1. A sincere compliment every day about her and what she has done.
2. Touch her (NOT FOR SEX) once a day start with a short time then build up to holding her hand in public!
3. Date night once a week.
Remember you have destroyed her over the last couple of years it will take awhile for her to be repaired.
2006-09-25 07:59:53 · answer #7 · answered by williamzo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Partner I'll tell you what to do to regain at least a portion of your wife's trust back and maybe fix your relationship some but not totally!!! DO WHAT YOU WOULD EXPECT HER TO DO IF THINGS WERE REVERSED!!! DO WHAT YOU WOULD EXPECT HER TO DO TO REGAIN YOUR TRUST AND EVEN WANT TO FIX THINGS!!!! It will not be easy and may not work --- but at least give it a try!!! Oh yea remember it will not happen over night!!! Another thing you need to do is take at least 20 min every night and communicate (not just talk to) with your wife and be prepared to have your feelings hurt after all you hurt hers!!!
2006-09-25 07:57:35 · answer #8 · answered by xxx69forall 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you're a real jackass-j/k.....No, seriously women need romance and trust in a marriage. You have to sweep her off her feet again and make her feel special...not ugly like she has been feeling. Make plans for a romantic night out and make it just about her....if she doesn't come around, then she might need some help and you should run for the hills, a guy can only give so much! Good luck.
2006-09-25 07:52:01 · answer #9 · answered by what 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since your screw up, have you:
- Given her lots of praise, telling her how beautiful and special she is to you?
- Given her all kinds of things that you wanted to give her - generously - just because you want to?
- Done crazy things to show her how special she is - bathtub full of rose petals, flowers all over the house, a message on her cel phone?
One of the tragic things about us humans is that we can't love someone more than we love ourselves.
If you have done all those things for her and are still unsuccesful - I'd try two more things:
- marriage counseling
- individual counseling for your wife.
It sounds like she might already have some form of depression. If she has clinical depression and isn't taking anything for it, that could be a bad thing.
Good luck.
FP
2006-09-25 07:52:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋