I'm a 31 year old man who is sick and tired of feeling intimidated by aggressive people. Physically I have the appearence of a strong man, but mentally and emotionally I feel like a dog with his tail between his legs. People (particularly aggressive people) can suconsciously pick up on this, and use it to walk all over me, knowing that I'm too scared to empower myself and stand up against their oppression. I DONT WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANY MORE!!!!. What can I do about this? Is there anyone out there who can really REALLY help me? Living like this is like living in a self-imposed prison, and it's a nightmare! I don't want to become a bully, I just want to feel GENUINELY empowered and able to take care of myself when I need to. I don't want to be anyone's doormat NO MORE!! Someone, somewhere show me the way please!!!
2006-09-25 07:32:58 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
love them
2006-09-25 07:34:01 · answer #1 · answered by ỉη ץ٥ڵ 5 · 1⤊ 7⤋
Well I think I can relate to your situation. I was in a way intimidated by agressive people and found that if you take it one small step at a time, it will help you. What I'm trying to say is: Let's say that out of all the intimidating situations you have been in you come across one small situation where you can say or do something to turn it around; like for example, a co-worker asks you to do something that you don't have time to do, you want to say yes to avoid any confrontation but you literally don't have the time. Try saying "No, I am not going to have the time to take care of that for you". Don't appologize or add any extra verbage that shows you are trying to ease the situation. This will put you at more of a point of agression than the other person. It may not be a relavent situation for you but it's all I can think of at the moment.
Please email me if you can give me some specific details so I can relate a little better. Your situation can be tough to deal with and I would like to help give you some good helpful advise. Just send me a message and I will gladly respond. =)
2006-09-25 07:41:20 · answer #2 · answered by Marie 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Is there anyone out there who can really REALLY help you? No is the honest answer. The solution to your problems are within you. You are the only one who can help. Have you tried an adventure holiday? A long trek in some mountains near you with a rucksack. Bag all of the peaks and then come back down feeling EMPOWERED! Canoe down some rough rapids (if you've never done this before get some training first). Go for a massive bike ride. Do something you've never done before. Something which will make you feel good inside. Once you've achieved this, you will forget about this worry of yours because you'll be so pre-occupied with enjoying yourself that you won't have time to think about it.
2016-03-18 01:13:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you could do with some confidence building! i work with challenging behaviour and it works there to, no matter how tough u look, they pick up on the fact that you feel intimidated, and then can lead u into all kinds of things!
I found that assertiveness to yourself works well, tell your self that u are strong, and that u dont need to be intimidated! hold your chin up, stand tall, and you will become the person that will not be intimidated anymore! eventually you will give yourself the confidence you need to stop feeling intimidated by others...
in fact i think you already have the answers in your question. (look at the capitals sentences) tell you yourself that on a daily basis.
my mum always used to say that the bullys are only calous people making up for something that they lack...
good luck and take care
2006-09-28 08:27:16 · answer #4 · answered by storm.minx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It'll take some time to turn this deeply ingrained negative picture of yourself around. Low self esteem and insecurity can be attributed to your parents, siblings, bullies and sometimes teachers. It is the feelings of low self esteem and insecurity that cause you to feel inadequate and unprepared to counter those aggressive and soulless individuals who pride themselves in their gift of intimidation. Please read some self help books on this subject and don't be afraid to consult a professional regarding your problem. Get help and stop living this way or else you're going to always feel lesser than those rude people and that's the farthest thing from the truth. You're a good gentle person that doesn't deserve the intimidation and humiliation that you're presently experiencing.
2006-09-25 08:21:28 · answer #5 · answered by liberalthinktank 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try being agressive yourself. It's easier than it looks. Start by saying no, if someone at work is trying to make you do their own work, give them a witty answer like "And when you tried this, it didn't work?" or "And you already asked (insert boss' name) about this?" To make them feel guilty or stupid. Intimidation is all about making the other person feel bad or weak. Raise an eyebrow, give them an honest "why is this my problem" look and they will back down. If it's a boss you're dealing with, go to his boss, and move up the line until you find someone who isn't corrupt, and make them do the intimidating. You're not being a bully by doing this, you are asserting your right to be treated with respect and fairness. Chances are, when people use you as an outlet for the crap they don't want to deal with, they usually really need you. So by asserting yourself, they will have to give in because you are an important part of the company and they don't want to lose you. Make them realize what you contribute to the company, don't let other people take credit for something you did. good luck.
2006-09-25 07:42:42 · answer #6 · answered by Sirius Black 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I know exactly what you mean. I was tired of people not taking me seriously. People who think they can just take advantage of my being nice.
I wish I could explain every thing to you right here, but it would be easier for me just to tell you what I did. There's a book, called The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense: http://www.amazon.com/Gentle-Verbal-Self-Defense-Spectrum-Book/dp/0133510808. You really need to read that. It tells you HOW to speak to people and express yourself in a way that will not incite violence.
But in my own opinion, you just need to know WHAT you can do to people that piss you off. I hadn't been in a fight for a long time, and I had quit drinking and smoking for a while. Consequently, I felt defenseless and naked. The alcohol gave me confidence, even when I wasn't drinking during the day. The smoking made me a little more senseless. Knowing how to fight and knowing that I could beat the everloving crap out of somebody if it came to that, made me a little bolder. It wasn't that I needed to beat anybody up, it was just knowing that I wouldn't have to worry about pissing them off to the point that they would want to fight, cause I knew I could handle it. So I started weight lifting and boxing. That really helped to release all that pent-up anger as well.
When it comes to saying how you feel, the book gave this x,y,z format so you could practice talking to people. It goes:
John, I feel x when you y, because z. Sounds cheesy, but there's no way to incite violence following that format. And you've got to be honest. Tell the people right after they piss you off.
I think the biggest thing that causes this problem is lack of confidence. Maybe something happened to you in your past that you haven't gotten over, be it guilt or post-traumatic stress. Either way, dealing with that issue would be a huge step for you.
I hope this works out, and if you want to talk more about it, I've been there! I know SO WELL what you're talking about. Only in the last 2 years of my life have I been a confident person and can say how I feel. I still have a little more to go, but it takes time. Again, I'm always willing to help anyway I can if you need more guidance.
P.S. It's time for YOU to be the aggressive people, without taking advantage of other people.
2006-09-25 07:49:59 · answer #7 · answered by Rockstar 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dear man, ur story seems very common and it's a norm I doubt there's trouble with u it's just people arrrre congenital turds. U mentioned an Strong appearance man like hulk but I think it's their ego and that intimidates u. Cocky people are goin to be the aggressor normally. So maybe you apt to be artistic than athletic? And work on your speech there's nothing wrong wit speaking more loudly pretend you work at a wal-mart.......on a busy weekend. ARGH!
2006-09-25 08:29:49 · answer #8 · answered by vanzillaw 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to a therapist and work it out in the safety of the therapy room.
Maybe the therapist will have you scream out at all the bullies in your life and do things you wouldn't feel safe and comfortable to do elsewhere. Also, with a therapist you can get to the root of your lack of self-esteem and then overcome it.
This is the only way to healthily overcome an issue like this to my knowledge and I know many people in therapy with similar problems (both men and women).
good luck.
You seem like a kind man who wants to live life to the fullest. You have the ability to do this. Tell your close friends how you feel and let them help you become a stronger voice.
2006-09-25 07:37:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I know you might think that the opinion of a 17 year old girl is silly but trust me...I have been through that fase.
I was born in South africa and then moved to Portugal not knowing how to speak one word of portuguese...
People thought that this made me weak and frighted of what that could do or say to me (which is partly true).
I was sick and tiered of feeling scared or nervous when I see some one looking or talking about me...so I found the ultimate solution...
IGNORING
Yip, if you come face to face withone that might offend of harm you do as they say and take whatever they do as a joke.
Laugh at their praks (even if they are praks made up to offend you) keep it cool whenever they try and get to you because it is the "ignoring" that really pisses them off.
keep well and take care...and remember...chillllll
2006-09-25 07:40:33 · answer #10 · answered by sandra_freitas6 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have what therapists call "boundary issues." You don't know how to set and maintain appropriate boundaries. And, you're right, predators can spot our type a mile away.
I used to be the same way. I'd suggest counseling. I know that's not what you want to hear and maybe you've already had bad luck with it but if you don't find a good counselor the first time out, then switch to another... and another if necessary... until you find the right one.
You can do it! I did. I'm not saying it's easy but it can be done.
2006-09-25 07:44:29 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋