She is 4 1/2 sometimes she says mean stuff to me. other times she is always saying she loves me. I love to have her with me especially when my bf is at work. Mother puts mean thoughts in her head about me. What is the best way to make her understand that I love her and trust me more
2006-09-25 07:06:12 · 16 answers · asked by tweetyinminnesota 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Be kind, gentle and patient. Understand that it is not easy for her that mommy and daddy aren't together. When a relationship ends, someone is always hurt and it is usually the woman becasue she has the constant reminder of the man through her children. Sit down with her and tell her you care and show her that you care. Never say a mean thing about her mother to her and eventually she will see you for who you are through her own eyes and not through her mothers hurt eyes.
2006-09-25 07:10:00 · answer #1 · answered by misfit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your husband know what the "ex" is telling the little girl? How awful for this little 4 1/2 year old!!! This little one is going through hell and is confused....she hears the horrible things her mother is saying but sees for herself that you are not those things! She is only 4 1/2 years old and will act out as such! Just continue to love her, but don't let her think you are going to replace her mother, she's only a toddler. When its just the two of you plan a day of fun things to do, go to the park, or sign up for a toddlers class where there will be other children her age. Check out the library, some cities have week-end fun things to do, look in some weekly parents papers for ideas!
It is up to your husband/partner to deal with the mother and put a stop to it. However, he as the father needs to make sure that he spends quality time with his little girl, too and he needs to spend some one-on-one time with her as well.
Your in a tough spot, I've been there myself....and the "ex" was really vindictive, too. It will take time, and like I said, don't let her think that you are going to replace her mother and never let her hear you say anything negative about her mother. Remain positive, loving and kind!
2006-09-25 07:33:01 · answer #2 · answered by suzi i 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really have to remember that she is a child, and children are easily influenced. The mother should really be ashamed of herself for putting thoughts and words into her daughter's mouth. Your step daughter is still young right now, but she will be able to see in due time what kind of a person you are regardless of whatever her mother is telling her. Just don't act like a four year old when she is saying mean things to you. Tell her that it hurts your feelings when she says those things to you and tell her that you love her and wished that the two of you could be great friends. She will come around, but the main thing you have to realize is that these things take time.
2006-09-25 07:20:01 · answer #3 · answered by heaven o 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I raised two stepdaughters, and it was a struggle. They were 5 and 8 when I married their mother. Very early on, they learned that if they wanted something, they could call me "Dad" and I would probably give in. When they didn't get their way - they called me everything else!
Time is on your side. Love them. Treat them as children - YOUR children. Be there for them. You will find, as I did, that soon the term "step" leaves, and all they are is your children.
2006-09-25 07:18:48 · answer #4 · answered by Gandalf T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you know how difficult it must be for a small child to be at two different houses to see two different parents.
I would just be kind and understanding when dealing with her times of saying things that are unkind.
I think the utmost advice to give you is never ever say anything against her mother.
Good luck and keep smiling.
2006-09-25 07:14:56 · answer #5 · answered by sideways 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
time love and tenderness. depending on how much time you spend with her and the love that you show her, thats how she is going to think of you.
her mother has issues of her own that she is trying to make into her daughters. just deal with it the best that you can and make sure that the daughter feels very loved and very secure.
most kids that are that age have found a vocabulary that most parents wish they wouldnt find. they say mean things without realizing what it means or how bad it hurts. it could be that she has heard her mom say it and thinks that its ok. you never can tell.
just spend time with her and love her and things will turn out for the best.
2006-09-25 07:10:34 · answer #6 · answered by lodeemae 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey. I believe Answerme... appears like your husband ought to take a stand ASAP. this suggests no longer only telling his ex-spouse and daughter to understand you, because you're his spouse; yet also to set down guidelines and follow them. in case you and your husband do no longer act as a crew, you're in for added stress. He needs to again you up. in case you already informed him the way you sense and why, and he agreed, then you actually'll ought to make sure out what to achieve this issues get extra ideal. He ought to spend time with the lady; no longer you. If contained in the destiny the lady ameliorations and tries to be large, magnificent. yet at the moment, if she involves your position, she has to abide through your guidelines. sturdy success, and do not enable anybody administration you.
2016-11-23 20:55:50 · answer #7 · answered by Erika 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had exactly this same problem with the daughter of a man I was dating. She was about the same age as your bf's daughter, as well.
What worked well for her was for me to say, "You know what? I think it's really good to get to know somebody before you decide if you like them and want to be their friend. I don't know your mommy, and your mommy doesn't know me. So let's just say that if your mommy ever got to know me, she might think I'm really nice."
Stephanie thought this was a really good answer, and we went from, "My mommy thinks you're 'xyz'" (fill in whatever negative you can imagine) to "I love you!!!!" She did sometimes need reminders, and I did struggle with wanting to smack the snot out of her mother at times, but overall it was an effective strategy.
Good luck to you!
2006-09-25 07:11:16 · answer #8 · answered by Vicki D 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My soon to be steps are 3.5, 6 & *. I have been here 18 months and mom is still being hateful about me. Just keep being the best "Mom" you can be. As they grow older they will realize mom is a liar. The 8 yo is starting to realize something is weird since i am nicer tham mommy says I am.
2006-09-25 07:09:49 · answer #9 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first of all she is NOT your stepdaughter.
Just because you are dating her daddy doesnt' make her your stepdaughter.
Only AFTER you are married does that happen.
For now, just be nice to her, but remember you are NOT her mother, her STEPmother or anything else that legally has any influence over her. You are just the woman that her daddy is dating (and I hope to god you two are not sleeping together in the same house/apartment she is in).
Her mother may be right about some of the things she says. After all.. her daddy is trying to pass someone else off as a mother figure who he is not married to. doesn't sound like a very sound decision to me.
sorry I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you need to understand that when it comes to young children - they need to be protected and not just introduced to every person daddy is dating/boffing/whatever. they form attachments to people and then they go away and then the child wonders if it was them... or if their daddy (or mommy) is bad to make them go away or whatever.
So... if you want to be nice to her.. be nice.. but don't pass yourself off as her step-anytyhing.. you are just the nice lady daddy is seeing.
2006-09-25 07:14:55 · answer #10 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋