I have 3 kids with her. I have told her I dont love her anymore. I have tryed to leave many times. She starts crying and calls everyone in my family. She does this to have them convince me to stay. I also dont make that much money. I have found someone else that I like. No I have not taken it to the next step. I just like her. Someone who will talk to me. But when i ask her for help she cant give me a good answer. My wife has tryed to run me over with her car when I have tryed to leave, she will also try to chase me down. I dont love her anymore and I am not a cheater but I dont know what to do. I need help?????
2006-09-25 06:50:39 · 48 answers · asked by mikha633 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should give more details. I have 3 kids i love very much. She has cheated on me. She orders me around. She has gone after me with a knife before. She has more rules then my parents did when i was 13. i dont make alot of money and we barely get by with both of our incomes. but in like 1-2 years i will make enough. but i dont love her anymore. She has hit me with irons, thrown bricks at me. I dont hit girls. When i get sick she gets pissed at me. If there is a movie or tv program that shows 2 people even kissing, if i am watching it or not even paying attn. i will get punched in the jaw. I am not allowed to have friends from the other sex. She tells me she does not like sex anymore. Since I dont have friends i dont have a safe place to go. I wrote about this girl I like. I am not even close to starting another relationship. She is my only friend that I have had to hide. No i am not sleeping with her. it is had for me to leave her because i care not love anymore. how do i update my post
2006-09-25 07:39:11 · update #1
i would like to take them with me. but it probley wont happen. the only kind of dirt i have on her is i have 2 pics of her smoking and holding our 1 year old. Ok i am a sucker. I hate when people cry. if i call the cops and she goes to jail i wont have a babysitter. I will end up missing work. She is a phyco. I do care about her. dont get it messed up with love. because i do not love her. i tryed to forgive her for cheating. but i can not. now it is hurting the kids too. they see her scream at me. i am a relaxed person. I like to avoide fights. so i will put my head down and just go along or not say anything at all. because i am not going to fight about stupid shi* she will not go and get help. i have tryed and she flipped saying "i dont need someone telling me i am fuc*ed up" and it caused a hudge fight
2006-09-25 08:19:15 · update #2
I do commend you for not cheating on your wife even though you don't love her anymore.
Have you tried explaining to your family what is going on and what she has done before when you have tried to leave? That way the next time you try to leave when she calls them they will be ready for her and stand beside you and not beside her?
Have you had a police report filed when she does these things to you? I know it will be your word against her word but how else are you going to show spousal abuse? I know people assume spousal abuse is normally done by husbands to wifes but there are cases when a wife abuses a husband. That sounds like what she is trying to do to you. Also if the police officer finds enough probable cause she might just might get arrested and that would give you time to get away from her without her interferring. I am not saying purposely try to set her off just if it happens again.
Are you planning on taking the children with you or let them stay with her? Also if she is being abusive toward you what could she do to the children to get back at you if you leave? It is imporant to think about what will happend to the children.
I do understand about money being tight but would someone in your family let you stay with them for a few days? There may be resources in your town or community which could help you with a temporay place to stay if you decide to try to leave again.
Could you try to leave when she is at work or shopping or visiting family or friends? That way she is not home and you could get away with out her interfering with your leaving.
I know I may not have been much help. I do hope you find a solution to your problem By the way yes I believe you should try to leave again but first you need to consider some of my earlier points. No one should have to be in a bad relationship like this.
Good luck
2006-09-25 07:11:12 · answer #1 · answered by pj_gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask yourself some hard questions. If I leave am I going to be able to take care of the children without her help? How bonded is she to your children? Is the fact that you don't love her hurting only you or is it hurting your children too? Is she mentally disturbed? It sounds like she has abandonment issues or self worth issues and is responding in narcissistic ways to your threats of rejection. If this is the case then you must prepare to leave secretly and put on the good show until you have retained an attorney, set aside cash, protected your assets and most importantly found any kind of concrete, unarguable evidence that proves she is not to be the custodial parent. Don't make any emotional decisions here, because I guarantee you she will come back at you with a vengeance when you leave and you better be prepared to protect yourself and your children. Don't make the same mistake that I did. I have lost everything, spent over 100,000.00 and still I can not see my children and I promise you, I have done nothing to deserve this accept leave a narcissist.
They say that "When a narcissist loses a mate, it is like the loss of a limb, and the result is insanity" I can't tell you how true this is. Be careful and be strategic. Also, learn about narcissists, you have some traits that draw them to you, mostly your probably really nice and understanding and easily manipulated. You don't want to get involved with another one after you get free of this one. My heart goes out to you and your children, Please be careful.
2006-09-25 07:18:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your wife obviously has some serious emotional problems if she is willing to stay with a man who is only there because his family made him stay. I really feel for you both, this is so sad.
I guess you need to make the decision that whatever happens you are going to leave. Decide that nothing will make you stay. Then, sit your wife down calmly and tell her you're leaving. Let her ring the family if she wants, tell them you refuse to discuss it with them and your mind is made up. Make sure you sit the kids down and tell them you still love them and will always be there for them - and then just leave. Yes, your wife will be devastated, and the next few months will be awful for all of you. She will beg, cry, plead, shout, threaten to not let you see the kids, everything. You will feel like the biggest jerk in the world, but, eventually, it will be ok - and your kids will have the benefit of two happy parents living separately, rather than two miserable parents living together and destroying each other.
When the dust has settled a bit, you might wanna suggest she gets some counselling.
Good luck
2006-09-25 06:57:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my God, they make it sound so easy.
Three kids, I would say you really need to think this through and you are going to need help one way or the other. The help you need will depend on what you decide to do.
Since you haven't taken the next step with that person you like, I feel she has nothing to do with the situation, except the fact that you like her, so try to keep her out of it.
It sounds to me as if you have already made up your mind to leave and that you are trying to find a peaceful way to make your exit.
Things to think about:
Is there anyone on your side or her side of the family that you feel you could talk to about this? Your going to need a support system in place and it would be a good thing if there was someone for your spouse as well. And I don't mean people who will be taking sides, you need someone objective.
Can you afford separate housing
Are you planning on taking the kids with you?
After what you said she tried to do to you, will they be safe with her?
No matter what, you must try to make sure the kids don't feel like they are the reason you want to leave Mommy.
Good Luck
2006-09-25 07:50:49 · answer #4 · answered by Plain Jane 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Uh-oh. Sounds like not only do you leave, but you might need to file a PFA(protection from abuse) ordering her to stay away from you, move a good distance from her, etc. Yikes. She pulls out all the stops, doesn't she?
I don't think there is a magic answer. This isn't going to be fun, but eventually she WILL calm down. If her tactics have eventually worked so far, expect more of the same. When that doesn't work, she will up the stakes. When THAT doesn't work, she will finally get the idea that you are serious and maybe start to mourn. She will get mad, vindictive, etc. You will have to protect the kids from this fall-out. I wish you the best. If you really need to leave, you'll have to do it and limit her ability to make you feel like crap. Good luck.
2006-09-25 06:58:15 · answer #5 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its something you have wanted to do for a long time right? so tell her its best this way. why lead your lives in a loveless marriage. If youre being honest and really just want to leave her becos you dont love her and not just for a 5min affair then just do. its your life...you only get one life and who knows when it will end...so do it or you will just remain searching the easy way out for ever. there will never be a right time or good moment to do this. She has gotten use to the everyday situtation with you in her life and she needs to know that she doesnt NEED you to continue living...so show her how she can carry on doing what ever it is she does without you and be happy or even happier. as you wont be there for her to argue with anymore. She can come and go as she pleases to do so. The last thing you can do for her is convience her she will be ok with out you. Good Luck buddy
2006-09-25 06:58:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to tell her why you want to leave. She might not understand and just needs to realize its over. As for trying to chase you down with the car, that is a bit crazy. If you try to leave again and she does this, call the cops. Just remember you do have kids and it would be better if they don't have to see this happening. The sooner you get on with your life the sooner everyone will be happier. Your wife probably loves you and just can't see herself without you. Try to be understanding, BUT get out of there.
2006-09-25 07:01:49 · answer #7 · answered by christi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off I recommend you try marriage counsiling with her and if that fails, simply tell her your truth..how you feel and why you feel it...you are still responsible for your chidlren financially and emotionally when and if you leave...you leave your wife not your kids. The grass always looks greener on teh otehr side and teh girl you like on the side you are using as an easy way out...you sy you don't love yoru wife anymore, why ? is she still not the same woman you feel in love with ? imagine the pressure she feels trying to have a marriage and probably take care of three children on her own...think about what you will be doing not only to her but to them. Marriage is not easy and teh easiest thing to do is leave it..try your best to work it out and if it does not work out..than just leave...get a lawyer...file for divorce and leave ..report to the police she tried to kill you as she may harm the kids to spite you.get a restraining order...take the kids,etc.
2006-09-25 06:56:51 · answer #8 · answered by misfit 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Possibly, get a restraining order on her especially if she's trying to run you down because your life is at risk now. As far as her calling your family, give them the heads up 1st before you decide to leave let them know how you feel and where you stand so that once she does call them sobbing they'll already know not to try to convince you.
2006-09-25 06:59:57 · answer #9 · answered by bettyspagettii 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first you need to find a safe place to go then either when she is sleeping leave.. orif you work .. dont go home go to the safe place and stay. this sounds like a phycho woman you are with and its not safe for either of you.. or the kids.. kids learn from their parents and will think this is the way of life and if you have a daughter you are giving her the idea of a unloving abusive realationship is ok and may get with a guy that beats on her and thinks it normal..
2006-09-25 06:55:55 · answer #10 · answered by cottoncandie1969 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋