say your spouse didn't want children. but you did.
2006-09-25 06:22:49 · 8 answers · asked by ♣ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
everything was discussed prior.
He changed his mind.
Children mean the world to me.
He is dead set on not having any.
I know children have made me happier.
2006-09-25 06:47:24 · update #1
If you have wished to be a mom your entire life, and your spouse does not want children, you are at opposite ends of the spectrum, sweetie. I have friends who never wanted children from the first day they realized they themselves were kids. To this day, not one of them is sorry that they never were a dad or a mom. I know people who have split up over this discision and both married others who were of like minds. A good girlfriend of mine simply told her husband that the pressure to have a child was just becoming too great, and she could no longer stay. They divorced, staying friends. She married someone else, so did he, and curiously, he and his new wife never had any kids.... don't know why. Children are life changers. If a guy doesn't want his life changed, then you are best to leave the marriage. You cannot harrangue someone into wishing they were a parent, or suprise a guy with a pregnancy..... just not fair, and if he killed you for it, wouldn't blame the guy. Kids aren't for everyone. And too many people put kids on this planet who really shouldn't have.....public school teachers can tell you all about that. In the end, forcing a partner to be a parent will just destroy your marriage anyway..... best that a kid not have to be born into such an arrangement. Resentment is THE single item that end a marriage, and I can think of nothing I'd resent more that to be a parent, when I was absolutely sure I didn't want to be one.......
Helpful????????
2006-09-25 06:55:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what was discussed prior to marriage. Some couples discuss the size families they would like to have, etc. If this happened, you would have had some reference to what your spouse wanted. If it was not discussed, and only came up after marriage, then that's a different situation. If you were promised a family and your spouse changed his mind, you might consider leaving since it's not what you had expected. If it was never discussed, then you would have to weigh how much you love him and if you can form a life together without kids.
Before you decide to quit and run, think what would happen if the shoe were on the other foot. You both wanted kids, but you found out you were infertile. Would you feel good about his leaving you because you couldn't bear him children? Some couples turn to adoption if this happens, but you didn't mention that. Marriage is sacred and shouldn't be tossed aside lightly. Go slow and give this some thought. Good luck.
2006-09-25 06:30:33 · answer #2 · answered by Arnold M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep. What are your options? Do you want to trick an unwilling spouse into parenting? Do you want to wish you had children and resent the spouse? I guess it depends on how big of a deal it is to the one who wants to be a parent. If it has been a life-long plan, then the marriage is not going to work. Right? Whew. Tough question!
2006-09-25 06:26:22 · answer #3 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children enrich your life. They are a legacy and a testament to you and your husband. Their children will bring you joy and laughter and tears when you are in your old age. Life would be very lonely without children. Everyone should have at least 1.
Two would be best so that they will have each other when you and your husband pass. Adopt them or give birth to them but it will never make you sorry. What was the reason for getting married then?
2006-09-25 06:36:23 · answer #4 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm in a similar situation, She wants kids, I don't. All I could tell her was to give serious thought to weather she is going to resent me and or regret staying in the future. Women have an illogical hormonal (Biological imperative) to have kids. It is like trying to fight an instinct. It is a very personal decision, How it is Vs. how it may be. With potential resentment and/or regret factored in.I highly recommend counseling,to be sure you,ve made the right decision
2006-09-25 07:08:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Question is....was this brought up before they married? If so, who lied or who is changing their mind now.
Seeing from additional details, sounds to me like he is having second thoughts. What is going on in the marriage? If he said he wanted them, now has changed his mind - I would be more concerned about WHY he changed his mind.
You need to start asking him some more questions.
Good Luck......
2006-09-25 06:26:10 · answer #6 · answered by WhatNext 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Definitely! Having children is one of life's greatest experiences.
2006-09-25 06:25:10 · answer #7 · answered by shae 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If that is what it is going to take to fill your heart with whatever it's missing.
2006-09-25 06:41:08 · answer #8 · answered by T S 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋