My boyfriend cheated on me while we're still together. And this is not the first time he did that.We just broke up recently and he told me he's sick of the quarrels we had. but I can't get over him just yet. He used to abuse me verbally but I still tried to tolerate it all. Part of me yearned for him to come back. Another part of me is dead and Im feeling so strained out by this whole thing. We have gone through this many times before. Break up followed by patching up within weeks. Im not sure he'll want to get back together again after I sent a mail(sort of hate mail) today telling him how I really felt. Someone please enlighten me. =(
2006-09-25 05:46:38 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I felt the same way when I broke up with my ex fiance of 4 years. The thing I came to realize is that I didn't really love him any more. I was afraid of failing at a relationship, when in reality, he failed at it. I was fighting myself to not take him back for 2 weeks. I then stood up for myself and told him not to call, email, write, or come see me anymore. The anger I had towards him took over and I decided I would not stand for it anymore. You are not dead...just extremely hurt and scared to be alone. You need this time for yourself and rebuild your self esteem without him. If he's hurt you that much he will do it again. This is gonna sound harsh but....get the balls to stand up to him and stand up for yourself. You don't need that crap. It's damaging to your mental health.
2006-09-25 05:54:17 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing that you can try to do is move on. Unforutnately, there is no perfect way to do so other than let time help. There are also activities and friends, they can both make you realize you are a productive person. The trap people often fall into after a relationship is they forget what they are good at and only think of relationships. If you spent a whole childhood being happy without thinking of a boyfriend, you can do so now.
You arne't a relationship robot, so just do your thing until another love comes to you, people get depressed when they are "in search of" a new thing, because people's lives are too busy, and you will miss out if you do that. That relationsihp was abusive, he has the problem, not you, so just realize you were a victim but are strong.
2006-09-25 05:51:56 · answer #2 · answered by prasino_5 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are addicted to abusive relationship. Normal people know that abuse is not love and they know they deserve better. You don't think highly of yourself so you allow men to cheat on you and abuse you. Straighten up sista! Today is the new day. Change your phone number and work on you. Get yourself into the counseling and know that you deserve a man that adores and loves you and would never harm or hurt you in any way. Stop dealing with toxic relationships and sending waste of time e-mails to men who hurt you. If the fact that you would consider taking this crap head back is a clear sign you need help.
Why are you sad over a relationship that was filled with abuse and cheating. Honey throw a party and get some on with life. Today is a new day
2006-09-25 06:19:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be strong Honey!!!!! You have so much to look forward too! What you have to remember is that you knew this was not a good relationship in the first place. If he treated you like crap before and every time he came back then he would more then likely do it again if you took him back. You need to be strong and secure with yourself and not let him suck you back into this cycle. You deserve allot better and once you have realized it you will be allot more happy. Try to think of all the bad things he has said to you over the course of time. This might help you stay mad at him long enough to not ever want him back.
2006-09-25 06:06:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are at an intersection right now and you can go one of two ways.
Option One - Continue with your destructive life of staying with a verbal abuser now that will eventually turn into physical abuse. He will cheat on you, beat you, beat any children you may ever have and may one day end up beating you to death. This won't be limited to you only as he will hurt everyone around you including family and friends.
Option Two - Ditch his sorry loser *** and move on to better things. When you dream of the perfect guy does he treat you like your jackass boyfriend? You deserve to have a supportive, caring, and most importantly non abusive man in your life. You've been with him for 3 years of your young life so you are comfortable with that and don't know what to do if he wasn't there. You were fine before him and you will be three times as fine without him.
Theres a billion guys out there waiting on you to give them a look, waiting to love you, take care of you and kiss your feet if you want. This guy doesn't deserve 5 seconds of your time and is doomed if he continues to end up in jail being someone named Bubba's girlfriend.
2006-09-25 06:10:48 · answer #5 · answered by se7en 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go back. Yes, it's hard to get over a relationship, but just because you've wasted 3 years of your life doesn't mean you have to make it worse by wasting more time. There's no excuse for abuse, there are plenty of guys out there who will treat you respectfully - but you have to respect yourself first. Why would you go back to a person who is disrespectful? What's in this relationship for you? There are plenty of good reasons to stay in the relationship, and you might very well have them - I don't know. Once you make a determination to stay, I think it is helpful to accept the other person as they are, and not expect them to change. It doesn't sound as if you're willing to accept his way of treating you; but yet, you keep going back. Is there a reason for it? Do you really feel that you're better off with him than without him? Whatever you do - don't feel that your self-worth is determined by this, or any, relationship. Once you like and respect yourself, and are independent, you will attract people who like and respect you for who you are.
2006-09-25 06:38:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to just move on it has been up and down and over and over, do you not want to be happy? Do you like to be abused and cheated on? Do you feel know one else will want you or that you deserve this type of treatment? It is really not that hard to let go once you do dorrs of opportuniities will open. You are just wasting your time and energy on this guy who is not worthy... Do yourself a favor and move on life is too short! He is not the only fish in the sea and he isn't even a live one this ones bloated and floating, what future do you have here? Catch yourself a live one - something new and exciting!
2006-09-25 06:09:31 · answer #7 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give yourself time to heal and then move on.It sounds like there will be someone much better out there for you! consider this time spent a learning experience!Please don't settle for less than you deserve! No one deserves abuse! Hold your head high! You can not make a relationship work with someone like that!! your hero is out there! start looking and stay away from that zero!!! good luck and Happy hunting! It is a new chapter in your life . Go for it!!!
2006-09-25 05:56:35 · answer #8 · answered by hillbilly wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you're going through this, but it sounds like you have some soul-searching to do. I don't believe any woman would allow herself to be treated like you have allowed your boyfriend to treat you if you had healthy self-esteem. When you wrote, "...he abused me verbally, but I still tried to tolerate it all" my question is WHY would you want to put yourself through that?
From the way you describe the last years three years with this man, it doesn't sound like your relationship has been very stable at any point. I just think you need to get some alone time for yourself and really think your relationship with this man through. Some women just love the drama of the fighting, making up and the unpredictability of relationships like yours. They find those kinds of relationships exciting somehow. Other women will put up with toxic relationships because they think they can "fix" it somehow, which rarely happens.
I know it's difficult, but you have to ask yourself the important questions. So many times, we as women say we put up with difficult behaviors in our men because we just love them. But, what about how the man feels about US? I love the movie "Hope Floats", with Sandra Bullock. In one scene, she tells her soon to be ex-husband "...I would walk through fire before I made someone feel like they were nothin'."
All relationships go through difficulties - that's just the nature of life. But, the foundation of our relationships should be built on love, respect, trust and a genuine feeling of good will for each other. If those qualities are present, there is no way someone can continually treat their partner negatively.
I'm sorry, but your boyfriend doesn't exactly sound like the kind of person many women with healthy self-esteem would even give the time of day. You really deserve better. I hope you can work through this.
2006-09-25 06:14:49 · answer #9 · answered by loveblue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to be in a relationship like yours. The best thing to do is to be strong. You do not deserve to be treated the way you have been treated. You WILL find someone who loves you and appreciates you. Sending him a hate mail will do nothing for your self esteem...trust me. The best thing is to go on, don't answer his calls, if he calls you, don't speak to him ever again. You will soon find out for yourself that you were in a toxic relationship and that he wasn't right for you.
Look at yourself in the mirror, smile, take a deep breath and exhale, you will realize that you are going to be OK!
2006-09-25 06:00:20 · answer #10 · answered by jenn j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋