Should a man treat a woman differently because she is a stay at home mother now and used to work full time?

Question

I used to work full time at a repectable job and leave our two kids with my mother during the day. Now we have three and my mother says that's too much and I need to stay at home with my kids. I made the sacrifice of quitting my job. I now stay at home with all three kids 7 and under. I have just noticed that my husband disrespects me now, I honestly do not know why. Some people say this is the hardest job around. Some people would say go to work, put the kids in day care. Why should I cater to my husbands wants though. I now enjoy staying at home with my children and would not trade that for anything. But if I have an off day and complain about doing the laundry or dishes or anything else he says do it anyways that is your job. I never would have put up with this before but now its like, well I guess it is kind of my job. Who knows, is it my job? What would you say if your husband spoke to you that way?

Answer 1

staying at home with children is a very hard job its also a thankless job but the end result is worth it as for your husband i would tell him yes it is my job now and i am glad to be able to raise our children but i am still a person and sometimes it gets to me i just want some support for the moment.just dont let your own self respect be walked on by your husband or anyone else you didnt decide to have children alone he was there after all and you being in the home caring for the children and keeping them healthy and safe lets him be out in the workforce so you are a equal partner and have every right to come to him at times for a boost he comes home upset about his job i am sure and you are there for him so remind him of that too good luck

Answer 2

Well, the first thing I was thinking is where was your husband when the decision for you to stay home was being made? Was he in on that or just you and your mom? Family dynamics are a tricky thing. If he isn't ok with you staying home and him carrying ALL the financial respondsibility then you need to rethink your decision. On the other hand, if he is OK with you staying home and raising your three kids, then do your best to keep the house clean and teach your kids to pick up after themselves. I know that you get tired and sometimes need a break. Plan to get some time away for even a few hours. I used to switch babysitting with a friend in a nearby town once every two weeks and it gave me the break I needed to feel energiesed to carry on my respondsibilites at home.

If my husband said this to me I would probably get my feelings hurt, but then I would realize that because I am the one who is at home, it just makes sense that I do most, not all, but most of the housework. That may sound out-dated, or old-fashioned, but if you really think about it it is true. If he was the one who was home all day, I'd expect the same from him.

Answer 3

Whoa. Tough one. Don't tolerate any disrespect. If you make a list of all the things you do and all the things that need done and then cut those things out individually, and put the scraps of paper in cups or in a pile, divided between your responsibilities and his, I think it will be REAL clear that you cannot possibly do everything. I would stop the complaining, come up with a plan of who does what that you can both agree on and have him treat you with the respect you deserve. You are the mother and caregiver of the three children you and he BOTH decided to have, so he needs a wake up call. You sound like your self-esteem slipped a little here. You can work this out. You need a break and are not superwoman. Three kids are a LOT to manage. You will still need to address some of your own needs and keep mom in tip-top form. You need breaks, some just mom time and a respectful, helpful, encouraging husband. Ever seen nanny 911? Dr.Phil? Wife Swap? Both have done a lot on these topics. I wish you the best. You have good instincts. Stick up for yourself. He can only do to you what you allow.

Answer 4

Of course a man should treat a stay-at-home mom differently - mine absolutely fell over himself with gratitude that I would do that for our family; I gave up a professional job and have two degrees. He began coming home so very happy, knowing that hearth and home were waiting him, with an attentive, happy, loving wife and child waiting to hear his voice and get his hugs and kisses. I'm glad you say you enjoy the experience of it, but you must also accept all the things that come with the deal. Your husband really doesn't need to hear you complain about anything at all after he's had a full day at work. My husband would never, ever speak to me disrespectfully, so I don't know what you can do about your husband's manner with you. Perhaps if you were more open, loving and inviting emotionally, he would respond in kind. Good luck and keep your kids happy!

Answer 5

Weather or not you have a job or stay at home should not impact the way your husband treats you. My wife did the same thing and I was the happiest man alive when she decided to quit her job. Even though you stay at home he should still help you around the house. Your job is a 24/7/365 and his is a measly 8 possibly a 12 hour day. When he leaves work he is done. You don't get that option. Tell him to get over it and most people would love for their wife's to stay at home. Enjoy it while it lasts because you might not always have that option.

Answer 6

Well it sounds like you and your mother made a decision with out your husband's input that directly effected him. He has a right to be a little resentful. What if he had a talk with his dad tomorrow and decided to quit his job and stay at home or if he talked with his friend and decide to move the family across the country. The first person you should be consulting when making decision that effect the family is your husband. IF you need someone else's input it should be sought together. He is not treating you right but I believe it is a direct result of you not treating him right when you made this decision. If you don't want to cater to husband's wants why should he be the sole money maker and cater to your want of being at home. Remember honey he has the options too.

Answer 7

no he does not have a right to treat you differently. he is probably upset because you have less money now and all the bills are his responsibility. and yes you do have a right to complain. when you worked outside of the home did you even complain about your job?

did you quit your job because you really wanted to or because your mother told you to? did you discuss it with your husband beforehand or did you just make the decision? if you did discuss it with him, was this something he really wanted or did he just go along with it? all of these things can affect how he is treating you now. if he never really wanted this and you did it anyway, he's not going to want to hear you complain about it because you made the decision to do it.

does that mean he has that right to disrespect you? no. but i suggest you find someone else to vent to about the very tough job that you do have.

one more thing, are you happy staying at home or do you want to go back to work? maybe you are complaining because this is not something that you really wanted to do. if you want work outside of the home, don't let other people make you feel like you are a bad mother because of it. if you want to be a stay at home mom, don't let other people make you feel guilty for finding it a tough job. you have to do what you want to do. whatever makes you happy will make you a better mother in the end.

good luck.

Answer 8

I am a single mom with 2 kids,7 and 3. Some men like women that stay at home because it make them feel in control. But in my case I work, my kids go to daycare. I have no help. I know you like the fact that you can save money but look at all the money that you are missing for yourself. I am assuming that you have to ask him for money. That make a man sometimes feels bad and specially if you have alot of bills that the two of you made before you left you job. I say put the kids in daycare and go to work, even if it is a part time job at the mall. You need a break from the kids and your husband.
I know I have to get a break from my kids and for men, women can never make them happy. Do what you feel is right and makes you happy! Just remember you kids are watching you.

Answer 9

My sister is a stay at home mom. She said that her husband was a big butthole to her for a while at first too. If the house wasn't perfect or Supper on the table by 6:30 he would get pissy with her. All of a sudden ALL household responsibility fell on her shoulders, (mowing, washing the car, cleaning the garage, taking out garbage, bills, ...jobs that he would do when she was working) As well as laundry, cooking, cleaning, kids, homework, shopping etc. (The jobs she normally did) It finally worked it's self out...He either helped, or she left with the kids and he could do his own crap...He backed off. (but she still works like a dog IMO). Good luck

Answer 10

Leave for the weekend, make sure your mother isn't available to babysit and let HIM see what it is like.
Go to the Dr. Phil website and you can do a search for some great suggestions. Dr. Phi says that a stay at home mom is doing the equivalent of 2 FULL TIME JOBS!