I've been in love with someone else for 6 months.
My wife just gave birth 1 month ago.
I want to leave her, I don't have the heart or the guts to tell her.
She's depressed enough already since giving birth.
I've been dating this girl and many of you won't believe me, but I have not had sex with this other girl.
She refuses unless I leave my wife. I'm 100% in love and I respect her.. Any advice.. Should I just wait a bit more or do it now
2006-09-25 05:34:58 · 25 answers · asked by miamialone17 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi, M,
Look like you're taking a lot of lumps... understandably... so let's step back for a minute.
How long have you and your wife been married?
You mention elsewhere that your financial worth (7 digits) might have attracted some women who were more interested in you as a bank account than a person; do you consider your wife to be one of those? What was your marriage like?
Your wife conceived before you met and began dating the other woman. Who initiated the dating -- you or the other woman? Did she pursue you or did you go after her?
The answers to those questions, I think, are important ones in terms of evaluating what led you to this point.
Meanwhile, you are now asking for help in how best to leave your wife so you can have sex with [not necessarily marry?] your girlfriend because she won't do it while you're officially married to someone else.
The problem is this: As an adult, you already made your choice. Maybe you don't like the choice you made, but you did make it: When you married your wife and had sex with her, you were taking the responsibility for both your marriage and any children that resulted.
Now you're looking for a way to avoid responsibility for your choice. Taking ownership of your decision would mean you'd need to summon up the "heart or guts" to deal directly with your wife and your intention to leave her (and your newborn son) high and dry.
Why all the sneaking and conflict-avoidance? Why are you afraid to face your wife and tell her what you've decided? Are you afraid of how you'll feel about yourself, or what she might think, or others? Are you trying to avoid the look of betrayal in her eyes when she realizes what you have done to her and your son? Why is that so hard to bear? Why does part of you still care? Is it just you wanting to protect your ego, or do you still actually care about her on some level?
Regardless of what you decide, be a man. Stop sneaking around. Either decide to be true to your past choices and learn how to love the people who are actually your family, or be a man, face your wife, and break things off cleanly. She deserves that much. Your "sneaking off" or trying to avoid a direct confrontation is all for your sake, not for hers; and you need to shoulder responsibility for this decision.
Personally, I think your cutting and running will hurt everyone -- not just your wife and son but yourself. What you do now in your life will determine how you behave in the future when other relationships sour. The more you make the decision to break your promises rather than working through them (for good or bad), the easier it will become to not be committed to anyone or anything.
I think you at least need to face your wife and, as the instigator of this breakup, take whatever emotional lumps she sends your way. You should at least be able to agree that that would be "fair," even if you persist in splitting.
And if you can't make yourself face her, then maybe you need to rethink leaving because you apparently have big reservations. Maybe your reluctance is a sign that you need to somehow make your marriage and parenthood work.
Think about this some more and really figure out why you're choosing this and what long-term effects it will have on everyone.
2006-09-25 07:22:31 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have all your priorities wrong unfortunately. Why are you not content with your wife and son? Bringing a child in to this world is a way of reinforcing the value a couple have on their relationship. I'd say that you have a fear of facing up to your responsibilities as a mature adult and see this situation as forcing you to emulatie your own father which you obviously do not want to do. You can't remain young, free and single for the rest of your life. If your as weak as I think you are, there's nothing to prevent you from repeating this with any new/ future partner. You've made a commitment to your wife and fathering a child by her makes that commitment rock-solid. I truly hope you can all work something out, but I can not offer you any further support, advise or sympathy.
2006-09-26 09:19:11 · answer #2 · answered by Fragile Rock 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah your man card has been revoked for sure, no questions asked.
You dont respect this other woman as your basically cheating on both of them so its already a broken relationship. Karma is a b*ch
and good googly moogly do you have some serious pain coming. If I were in your wifes family you would get a garbage back over your head and beaten until you stopped squiriming like a little girl. So beware of the consequences my friend.. .. glad Im not in her family right?
You could always turn gay but I don't think gay men would want you either.
2006-09-25 12:51:37 · answer #3 · answered by se7en 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well, why did you cheat on your pregnant wife? if you had one ounce of feeling that you did not want to be with your wife forever, you should have never gotten her pregnant.
tell your new girlfriend what you are doing. that you are leaving the mother of your child when she needs you most. your child who needs a father. your wife who needs support. tell her all of that. Tell her that you don't take vows seriously. Tell her that she cant depend on you. if she is smart, she'd think twice before really getting involved with you. How could you abandon your child? You baby should have 100% of your love, respect & attention! Not some stupid home wrecking ******!
I say give your wife your paycheck every time you get paid. she deserves it. tell your girlfriend to work 2 jobs to support you. Let your wife keep the house & cars.
make it a clean break. just take your clothes. that is it. Your wife deseves better than you. Remember what comes around goes around. if your girlfriend can be with a married man now, what makes you think she will be faithful to you? What makes you think you will love her forever or respect her forever?
How can you respect a woman that can ruin lives? A woman that can destroy your child's life.....? You are an idiot! But please leave your wife.
leave your wife now! She deserves everything. She deserves better than you!
2006-09-25 12:43:51 · answer #4 · answered by ♣ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Turn in your 'guy club' card. You don't deserve it. You 've been seeing her for three months which means you started this affair (yes, even if you haven't had sex) while your wife was pregnant. Stay with your wife and child. Make it work. You're a family. Don't wreck your marriage because of your selfishness. Don't start your new baby off with one strike against him or her. Too bad you don't 100 percent love and respect your wife and child.
To make matters worse ( or at least strain your credability) your last question was:
How Can I get a hot looking woman who is not just interested in my money ?
I'm a good looking young guy, with tons of money.
Not brad Pitt. But above average.
And not Bill gates, but in the mid 7 figures.. "
2006-09-25 12:42:32 · answer #5 · answered by JB 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow, how sad. Not for you but your wife. If you truly respected her and loved her 100% as you say, then you wouldn't go behind her back as such. My advice to you is to tell her that you're in love with someone else, be a man and help her take care of your child, grow up, and don't have kids with someone if you're in love with someone else. You and that other girl deserve each other and remember this: "Pay backs are Bit@h"!!!!!
2006-09-25 12:48:36 · answer #6 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What (if anything) did your wife do for you to go to another woman in the first place. Were there problems in the marriage before the pregnancy? That would determine how you should handle this situation. I really have to say that if this other girl respected you in the least bit, she wouldn't have started a relationship with you at all. Furthermore, how can you respect her? Just because she hasn't slept with you? She's a home wrecker, she doesn't deserve your respect, and you've already committed your love to your wife and son. It's not yours to be dolling out to strangers anymore. Sorry I can't be more supportive about this.
2006-09-25 12:40:04 · answer #7 · answered by andi b 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Obviously you are only thinking of yourself & NOT your family. YOU have a son. That is NOT a good thing to do. Be faithful to your wife & Son that way he grows up with a father.
If you abondon them YOUR son is more likely to do drugs or even worse, end up on death row. You do not want that to happen now do you?
2006-09-25 13:18:54 · answer #8 · answered by Phil P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so u've been in love with this "other woman" for 6 months.... were u ever in love with ur wife?? how long were u "in love" with the woman who u now call ur wife and who has recently given birth to ur poor unfortunate child?? based on ur other question asking how to find a woman who is not interested in ur money, why dont u give all ur money to ur soon ex-wife and child-they deserve it ur wife for putting up with u and ur kid is gonna need it for all the theorpy he's gonna need to figure out why their father is a douchbag
2006-09-25 12:44:51 · answer #9 · answered by clueless_idiot 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
love isn't something you're a victim of.. it's a conscious choice.. my wife just had our first baby about a month ago, and she's driving me crazy with all her hormonal changes, but I'd never dream of leaving her! think about someone other than yourself.. what about your new son?
don't you care that you took marriage vows? you vowed to stay together, right? I bet your vows didn't say "...until I fall in love with someone else" if you leave then you have no integrity..
2006-09-25 12:40:51 · answer #10 · answered by Byakuya 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋