How do I stop wishing my ex boyfriend's head would burst into flames?

Question

Well, I don't know if I've ever exactly envisioned his head spontaneously bursting into flames (until now), but you get the general idea. . .

My boyfriend of four years broke up with me a few months ago. He went about it pretty badly--breaking up via text message, lying, leaving me for a nineteen year old. . .so, as you can imagine, for a while, I was pretty enraged and heartbroken.

Now, I'm not so heartbroken, but I still very nearly hate him, and I want that to go away, because I don't like the feeling of disliking someone so much that I don't care if they live or die. It doesn't make me feel particularly warm and tingly inside, so does anyone have any tips for getting over not the heartbreak, but the hate? I just want to leave it all behind me and be able to be civil to him if I run into him, instead of reaching for the mace in my purse.:)

Answer 1

You give him power over you if he continues to occupy your thoughts. The anger is more destructive than what he did. Find constructive ways to keep busy and stop being so focused on yourself. There's a whole world out there that can use some of your time and effort. If you really can't let go of your anger, seek therapy.

Answer 2

I hear you ;) When I find myself in a church, which is seldom as I do not offend by being present where I do not belong, but lets say a wedding or something. I like to sit next to someone who appears "churchy" and just tell them to keep an eye out if I start smoking or anything - I have seen some pretty great facial responses. I can't help but have a little fun sometimes - I grew up in the Catholic church and left before confirmation. I always said because they baptized me twice (I was in surgery @ 2 wks old) it negated the whole thing and I was bound to be a pagan at 3mos old. I am lucky to have a Catholic family with a good sense of humor :)

Answer 3

Well, there are three ways:

1) Get wasted bad. Favoured by your current president. Good enough for his younger years, good enough for you. Just kidding. No, don't do this 'cause you'd get charged like he did.

2) Organise a break-up party with your friends. Stick his face (you did save a photo?) on the donkey shaped pinata, preferably at the end that is opposite to where one would find the face. Make sure the pinata is filled with chocolate. Drink, beat the pinata, eat the chocolate, cry, and you will all be merry tomorrow.

3) Write a letter that expresses how much pain you are experiencing. Before your next date, ceremonially burn that letter.

Oh, one last thing. Don't mace him in the face, aim lower ... below the belt like he did to you.

Answer 4

Keep your mind occupied, go to an environment where there are lots of people and things going on, i.e. a bar, restaurant, club, carnival, etc....or simply pick up a new hobby. If you don't think about him then you won't have any sort of feeling towards him. I know its hard because for the longest time I wish my ex would take a long walk off a short pier but after a while I met someone else in to which Im engaged to 3 years later :)

Answer 5

Oddly enough, embracing the feelings will relieve them. So, don't stop wishing his head would burst into flame. Feelings are just feelings are best not bottled up and contained. Let them be, feel them, write them down, get a stick and beat up on a pillow that represents your ex, and you'll begin to feel better.
Then, as you catch your breath, think about the turd and what messages he gave that he was likely to do what he did. Make certain that guys you let into your life are required to respect you, your body, your needs, wishes and desires. You'll do well.

Answer 6

It seems as though trying to be friends would be the best possible way. In order to do that, you may consider talking with him, and getting everything out on the table. Let nothing be unsaid, and don't hold anything back. That way you can tell him what issues you had and have, and he can feel as though he can tell you his side. Afterwords, you shouldn't feel so angry. If that doesn't work, just try to move on with your life. I know it's really hard, and there'll be days that nothing can go right, but you'll eventually do it.

Answer 7

You need something to take your mind off that idea (as hard it may be). Take a nice vacation, go out with your friends to a place you enjoy (not where you and your ex used to go), pick a new hobby or something. Honey, it just ain't worth the time and energy you are wasting on someone who has treated you like that! Listen to some good music! Good luck (and may his hair turn to ashes!)

Answer 8

First step you've already taken you are away from the sadness and now you are just ticked, I recommend a purge. I always enjoy trashing things that remind me of an ex or if you are sentimental just box them all up and put then in the back of a closet. Out of sight out of mind. Good luck

Answer 9

Hatred and bitterness serves no one. Even if you could make his head burst into flames, would that really make you feel any better?

My advice... and this is tough to do sometimes... is to forgive him.

You don't forgive him for his sake. Do it for yours. It's empowering. It's somewhat arrogant, in fact. :) And you don't even have to tell him. But if you can truly forgive him for being a ****, you'll feel like the better person, and that anger will tend to slip away.

Answer 10

Just breathe... Im still hoping that any day now Ill stop wanting my X's head to blow up. Its been over 3 years, but I still have to deal with him since the court is making him pay me back money cause he charged up MY credit cards... JERK! But Im hoping that any day now... Ill stop hating him so much. Just give it time... I dont even think about it every day now... Just when the credit card bill is due and I havent gotten the money!