after we had our first child, my wife has done a 180 about many of the topics that are important to me. Also, she is rude, disrespectful, and overall a big snot to me. She is constantly demanding things of me without pleases or thanks. I have to beg for affection and respect. Our child is currently 16 months old and I am wondering when would be the best age for him to experience a divorce of his parents. I know there is no good age, I just need something to look forward to at this point.
2006-09-25 05:20:39 · 19 answers · asked by howedoit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Talk to you rwife and go to counseling.
2006-09-25 05:22:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I would try to salvage the marriage. A lot of the time, when a child comes into a marriage, the dynamic changes. I would give your wife a chance to see these changes. Request a time to talk with her alone and tell her everything that you are feeling, and what you would like to change about your relationship. Don't be accusatory, just tell her how you are feeling. You have to remember that her whole life has changed as well. Women have very strong urges to be Mothers and sometimes forget or don't know how to balance being a Wife, Lover, Friend, and all the rest. Divorce will effect your entire family for the rest of their lives....It is something to think about.
2006-09-25 05:29:40 · answer #2 · answered by amalia372005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try counseling first. You may want to find out what the problem is from her side. There are you usually 2 sides to every story and woman don't often do a 180 for no reason. I know there are woman that are snots but the whole 180 thing makes me think this may be fixable.
If you AND/OR your wife are not willing to work on it. Then I agree now is the best time.
2006-09-25 05:28:18 · answer #3 · answered by Suesan W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a reason why your wife has had a change of attitude? have you tried talking to your wife about the recent changes in the marriage? First, I would suggest that you make sure that you want a divorce for yourself. Listen to your heart and decide what is best for you.
I don't think it matters as to what age the child is but the attitude of it's parents. You should make sure there remains a friendly at least civil and open communication between you and the mom so that the child will not feel the pressure of being stuck in between.
I am a stepmom. My stepson and I have a very close relationship. The birth mom and i also have a close relationship. We all support eachother in parenting.My husband and his ex, while they have their reservations about eachother, show my stepson that they support eachother 100%. They talk to eachother about my stepson's behavior and they discuss it as a family. My stepson is a very happy child and proudly tells everyone he is lucky because he has two moms and two dads who love him.
2006-09-25 06:18:15 · answer #4 · answered by Malia B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right! At no age will divorce be easy. However, the longer you wait, the harder it will be. Your child is young. Chances are he will adjust very easlity to the divorce.
I made the mistake of waiting. I thought that it would be easier once they got older. My oldest is now 16 and i am still in an unhappy marriage. It gets soooo much harder as they get older.
I would suggest talking to your wife. Get your issues out on the table. Maybe seek counceling, but if she isn't willing to change, then you should move on. You deserve to be happy and treated with respect. Good luck!
2006-09-25 05:37:06 · answer #5 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW.... The best time to do a divorce is as soon as fighting starts. Once the parents are fighting in front of the child, the child would be much happier if the parents just split and wasnt put through that. So 16 months old is pretty young, he/she wont even remember you two being together and thats good. Id do it now if you really have no other options.
2006-09-25 05:22:45 · answer #6 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Divorce is a last alternative. Please try to do what it takes to save your marriage. I suggest counseling as an alternative. My suggestion to you is that love has to be tuff and for you to beg for affection and respect sometimes will perpetuate a spiraling effect that makes your wife's respect for you decrease further.
If all else fails please visit http://dadsdivorce.com/ they have very interesting topics and a wealth of information that is producing huge results for me in the midst of an ugly custody battle.
When my ex split, my oldest was also 16 months. I can tell you I have spent a fortune a little more then $30k in attorney fees, but I have my two little baby's 50-50. and I have managed to stay in the house and she is gone. (which the website sited will tell you is important) Also be very careful in covering your tracks when looking into a divorce, because a women can turn very ugly in a heartbeat if she senses you are about to hit her with divorce papers. My ex accused me of physical abuse, so she could take the kids out of state to try to gain residency status with her relatives - which I was acquitted for, but spent $6,000 to my defense attorney and a night in jail none the less. You would be very surprised what a women will do if she senses her security will be pulled out from under her.
2006-09-25 05:46:54 · answer #7 · answered by jasenwhetstone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait, Wait, Please read your own words. Me...me ...me. When people are acting out or differently there is something else going on....ALWAYS. What did you love about her before the baby. Were you in love with her, happy, did she treat you kind, give you attention? is there some way you may not be understanding all she is going through? Is there a way for you to say "hey, what is giong on...how can I help you..and could you please help me and understand how I feel? Are you wanting with out giving back what your asking for? Are you understanding the true changes that happen when adjusting to a new baby? Life is too short to look back and say " I wish I handled this differently" when you are at that point....there is no turning back. Maybe she is overwhelmed and with all the responsabilities of having a new baby. Before you look at how she is behaving...look at how you are behaving. Are you being a gentleman that she would want to be kind to...are you asking for her attention but not willing to make the sacrifices needed to help with all the changes the baby has had in " BOTH" of your lives, not just hers? Look at what you want...look at what she needs and see if you can be the strogest and most attractive man one can be and that is a man that can say " what am I doing to hurt this situation and how can I stand up to my self before I ask her to "make me feel better" you are what you give and you get what you offer in return. If you love her..if you loved her...if you think you can see in 20 years from now a lonley man that wished he could have made better choices when his wife just had their new baby....IT WILL BE TOO LATE.
2006-09-25 05:31:12 · answer #8 · answered by givemeprivacy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife is willing to go to counseling, then I'd say to try that first. Has she given you a reason for her change of attitude? But if she's not willing to cooperate, then the sooner the better. With a child that young, he or she is too young to remember the trauma of divorce. The older the child gets. the more he or she will understand what's going on. And that's when it gets to be hard on the child.
2006-09-25 05:28:45 · answer #9 · answered by Leah M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are sure this is what you want then the time to do it is now before your child starts to remember things. Just make sure that your custody arrangements are fair and so is your support payment schedule. If each of you have the child half the time then there is no need for support payments as you are both supporting the child half the time.
2006-09-25 05:27:15 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The sooner the better for the child's sake. He is still to young to know the difference. Have you thought about seeking help in your marriage? It would be to the best interest of everyone to save the marriage if possible. Best wishes.
2006-09-25 05:25:07 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋