It all started when a friend of my husbands tried to seduce me. I refused him. Then some how it all got turned around and this friend told him we did the nasty together. My husband confronted me & I told him we didn't. My husband kept asking me about it over a period of time and I kept telling him we didn't, finally getting fed up with it all.... I told him yeah. I found out about 3 years ago that my husband screwed around on me with a girl he had been talking to before his friend tried to seduce me. My husband says he only did it once and he did it to get back at me. Should I believe him? Should I try to trust him again? Very hurt and confused about what I should do. We have three kids together and I had told him I wanted a divorce, but he says it would hurt the kids and I would be throwing away 10 years of marriage. I don't know if should ever trust the Bast*** again or not. Help me, plz..... Hurting while awaiting your answers and comments..... Help!!!!!
2006-09-25 04:51:20 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband made a big deal out of the thing with you and his friend in an effort to "even up the score" due to his cheating. So, not only did he cheat on you and lie to you, he has now tried to manipulate the situation and make you feel guilty for something that never happened in an effort to make himself look and feel better. And now he is threatening you with the guilt of "ruining" your family if you opt to respect yourself and leave, when it was HIS actions and disrespect that have ruined the love and trust of your family.
Not only is this guy a cheater and a liar, he is a MANIPULATOR which is a baaad combination. In my experience, people like this don't change.
2006-09-25 04:55:58 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry you are going through this. I cant tell you what to do because there are kids involved and you really have to think to yourself can this be resolved. And 10 years is a long time Ive been married for 6 and have 2 kids. I love my husband but if he ever cheated on me I would want a divorce because the way I see when you say I Do you see it all the way through the tough times not hurt the one you love. Do you have a job to support yourself and your kids If so start looking for a place but if you think you can work through this than try to work it out. If it doesnt work out as angry as you are at him dont turn this kids against him that is one thing i would never do and try to live your life. My husband and I were going through a time a few mths ago where I thought he was doing some messing around because he acted like he was miserable but in all he is worn out works 60-70 a wk and doesnt get to see us he sleeps and works. As for the girl go give her a kick in the *** for me and tell her to leave yor hubby alone. I wish I was more help its easier to say than do I know but do what you feel you have to and just remember that if it doesnt work out that there are other fish in the sea you will find someone who loves and respects you again.
2006-09-25 06:43:33 · answer #2 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've also been married 10 years, have 2 kids, and my husband has recently had a fling with a girl he met on the 'net. I knew almost before he did it although I thought he was away working, he was with her........and yes it hurts but now we are having counselling (through my church) and it's starting to get better. You can definately make your marriage work, you just need to get help that works for you both. I feel you love your husband and he obviously wants to keep you too, so don't make any decisions based on your fear and anger, please get some help, you won't be able to claw your way out of this mess alone. And whatever else happens don't sleep with someone else in order to get revenge. It is worth it for the sake of your kids and your love to keep trying. If you don't go to church, I'm giving you the link to the group of churches I belong to, because they don't make it a christian thing, you don't have to be a christian always to get counselling and support. I really hope it works for you, I honestly thought I would be filing for divorce this week but it has been turned around. There's another link you might find helpful, for rebuilding a marriage that has been hurt by an affair.
2006-09-25 09:37:28 · answer #3 · answered by good tree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Daylight-remember one thing...you didn't cheat on him. He cheated on you. Of course you are hurt. You were betrayed by the one person in your life who should never do that. I believe your husband kept asking you about his buddy because he was feeling guilty and wanted something to alleviate his guilt. You should not have told him that you did cheat. The trust is not only gone because he cheated on you, but you weren't honest about the friend. However, two wrongs do not make a right. If you are smart, you'll divorce him. If he has cheated once, he will cheat again. Don't let him talk you out of what you feel is right for you. Also, as far as your children are concerned, divorce will hurt them. However, in the end, they will know that you are a strong individual who stood up for what you believed in. You also did not subject them to a situation that will only get worse. Do what is right for you and even in the worst of times, don't forget to Breathe. Good luck to you.
2006-09-25 04:58:53 · answer #4 · answered by blackwidow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OUCH! First off... I know this is a tough situation for you and your family. You want to be the mother and father who stay together and work it out, but part of you will always wonder. Let me tell you something... You are better off without the added stress of insecurity about your marriage. Leave him. Let it all go! You will find someone you can trust, and your kids will understand. Your kids would surely rather see both of you happy and apart, than miserable and together. I hate when marriages end due to cheating partners, but all relationships in effect End when one party cheats. If there is NO more trust, there is NO more relationship. You cant live with yourself or someone when YOU know you are always going to wonder where they are, what they are doing... Oh no, hes 30 minutes late, Ill bet he's cheating again... Noone should live with those kind of thoughts. If you cant trust someone, Dont be around them... No matter what. Good luck to you.
2006-09-25 05:04:29 · answer #5 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Brace yourself, and think over how deep your friendship and trust is in your marriage.
Why would or should your husband ever take someone else's word over yours?...why did you ever confess to doing something that you never did?
Sincerely, talk to him about why he did it...why did he never make sure with that friend of his and you in the same room?
Infidelity should not even be in question in a marriage...like he said 10 years would be thrown away. Does he realize the consequence of his action?
You should write down exactly what this has done to you...maybe you can make a list, name all of the feelings, thoughts, emotions that have gone through you due to his behavior. Rate them from about 1-10 according to how easily you can forgive, forget and move on or not from the individual things listed...After doing this i think you will be really aware on whether or not you can and should continue in this relationship.
Make sure you mark each one as accurately as possible...lowest or highest score (depending on how you grade it) whether or not you will be able to deal with it.
If you can realize that you do want be able to work at it then you will...eventually,...but to avoid this happening again...i think the both of you need to communicate a lot better than you have been.
2006-09-25 06:17:06 · answer #6 · answered by Patience 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) "Men" don't cheat. Some people do.
2) Your problem is not so much that he slept with somebody else, but that he trusts and values the word of his friend over yours.
3) The decision over divorce is whether you and he are able to salvage the relationship - and want to. You cannot regain or change the past.
4) The kids will be better off with happy parents who are able to communicate, but don't live together than with parents who stay together but create a home with an atmosphere of tension and hostility. Don't stay together for the kids, stay together (or don't) for you.
2006-09-25 05:04:04 · answer #7 · answered by lickintonight 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
cheating quite has extra to do with the Cheater fairly than the Cheat-ee - some egos have a hollow that they are attempting to fill- and subconsciously or consciously they experience entitled to extra interest, affection, confirmation... It has no longer something to do with love- that is quite extra approximately self-loathing, and perceived desires as against actually desires. while men or women individuals cheat- they be attentive to that is incorrect, and that is incorrect with the aid of fact hurting somebody else is in no way sturdy for your self. some human beings stay in a deeper state of denial than others. they might rationalize cheating by ability of telling themselves that they deserve tru love or happiness- yet the two one in all those start up from interior of. Love is a decision- so is happiness, and you will distract your self with new human beings or stories, yet faster or later you capture as much as your self after which you would be able to start up as quickly as extra or fix the undertaking.
2016-10-17 22:54:58 · answer #8 · answered by mchellon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
firstly tell him the truth about how u did not do anything with his mate and said it to shut him up ,then tell him that staying together and arguing is hurting the kiddies more than you being appart trust me I know I have three kids myself and am a single mum due to ex husband being a waste of space.
Tell him you have had enough can noever trust him again and the only thing that you have in comon is the fact you want the kids to be happy and settled and while you are together they are neither of those cause of the fighting.
2006-09-25 05:10:57 · answer #9 · answered by stephy200125 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not only men that cheat but i understand that if someone you love does do the dirty on you its can tear your life apart. I have been through the things you are going through but no kids involved. I understand that splitting up would be hard on the kids but believe me staying together just for them just as bad. You call him a cheating bast@#! so there is obviously a lot of anger there. you need to ask yourself if you can forgive him and get over it. if you cant then walk as its not nice for the kids being brought up in a loveless relationship. The long and short of it. Only you can answer your question! All The Best xxx
2006-09-25 05:08:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋