my boyfriend went to a pool tourny yesterday and i wasn't able to make it. Found out he was talkin to this one girl like 3 or 4 times. But why is it when I go somewhere he gets mad if I talk to other guys, how is that fair that he can talk to this girl or any girl at that but If I talk to someone he doesn't like he gets mad..
2006-09-25 04:26:16 · 19 answers · asked by Jen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
We have been together for 2 years.. He says he loves with with all his heart but sometime's the things he does makes me think other wise.. I trust him and I know he would cheat but if he needs to understand I have more male friends then I do friends that are girls.. and he doesn't understand that
2006-09-25 04:30:01 · update #1
the reason why I couldn't go was beacause I was working
2006-09-25 04:34:36 · update #2
What you need to do is talk to him about this and resolve all your trust issues. trust is defenitely one of the biggest parts of any relationship that you want to last. You should both be able to go to different funtions and both know that it's ok because you TRUST eachother. It's hard to do, hard not to think about, but I swear if you can really trust eachother this will work.
2006-09-25 04:31:46 · answer #1 · answered by katie s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've seen variations on this question a - lot... so I'll state my answer generally so hopefully it will help more than just you.
Friendships in a committed relationship.
First some definitions:
committed - adj
1: bound or obligated, as under a pledge to a particular cause, action, or attitude
2: associated in an exclusive sexual relationship [syn: attached]
relationship - noun
1.a connection, association, or involvement.
2.connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3.an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students.
4.a sexual involvement; affair.
friendship – noun
1.the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.
2.a friendly relation or intimacy.
3.friendly feeling or disposition.
When someone is in a "committed relationship", they should no longer pursue active friendships with the opposite sex. Why? because the only reason that men pursue a "friendship" with a woman is 1) because she is attractive and 2) because they want to have sex with them. Women, if you don't believe me try this. Ask one of your male "friends" out to dinner and over dinner ask them if they find you attractive - after they say yes, ask them if they would like to sleep with you (a no strings attached thing as you still want to keep them as a friend).
This is not the same thing as someone going someplace and chatting with someone of the opposite sex. Chances are.. if you go someplace, there will be both men and women there and it will be difficult to NOT talk to someone of the opposite sex - in fact it would be considered rude if you didn't.
That said, if your "significant other" is actively trying to chat up someone when they go out they are telling you that their level of "commitment" and yours to your "relationship" is not the same and there needs to be some sort of discussion that goes something like this: "I'd like to take this to the next level and become and exclusive couple in that we are only intimate with each other (monogamous).. what do you think" - the important part of this conversation is to get an agreement from the other person. IF YOU DON'T then you are NOT in a monogamous relationship!!!!! (ie you are still free to date others folks and the whole "committed relationship" doesn't exist).
So in your case I would suggest you have this conversation as I think you both have different ideas of what a committed relationship is.
He SHOULD be concerned if you are talking up guys because he KNOWS what they are looking for. Just as YOU should be concerned when HE is chatting up girls. Does he have a right to angry when you do it a blow it off when he does? no.. but again.. I think you two need to have the above discussion so you are both playing the same "game".
2006-09-25 04:58:50 · answer #2 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not fair, but unfortunately it sounds like your boyfriend is like a lot of guys (and some girls) out there that have this double standard. You two have to talk and come to a decision that you both can live with, either neither of you can talk to people of the opposite sex or you both can. If he refuses to change his views then it is time for you to make a decision. Is this something you can live with? If not then it would be best to end this relationship now and find yourself a man that trusts you.
2006-09-25 04:34:14 · answer #3 · answered by MELISSA B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh hunny let me explain...he probably has something to hide. guys sometimes act that way towards their girlfriends, because their scared she might be doing the same thing he's doing. because he's out talking to some girl and what not, and the the thought of you talking to another guy the same way he talks to another girl makes him feel a little threatened. and u know men cant feel threatened.
or it can also be that he just doesnt have enough trust , and without trust, u have nothing in a realtionship. he feels comfortalbe talking to toher girls bc he knows that he's not doing anything bad, he might very well be "just talking". but he's not too sure what you'r doing or what your talkking about, its all about trust. talk it over with him , and ask him what specifically bothers him. good luck :o)
p.s i also have more guy frineds than girl friends but i dont have this problem yet...remember communication is the key
2006-09-25 04:32:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not fair at all, it's called double standards! If he can talk to girls then you can certainly talk to other guys, it's only talking at the end of the day! I think he has some trust issues going on that maybe you should address, as it's not fair on you. Good Luck! x
2006-09-25 04:30:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course this is unfair! If he doesn't want you talking to other men, then why should he be allowed to talk to other women. You need to lay some ground rules here and let him know you are NOT going to have it. What's fair is fair. He is trying to have his cake and eat it too. Nonetheless, this is also a form of him trying to control who you can and cannot talk to you while he thinks he can talk to whomever he wants. You two need to come to an agreement and the agreement cannot be one-sided, as he seems to think it is.
2006-09-25 04:31:51 · answer #6 · answered by melcar12345 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called jealousy. Get over it now while you can & the same goes for him. Why? Well both of you will be around the opposite sex from time to time. Talking is fine if it is done in respect of your partner.No more can happen than you or him allow.
2006-09-25 04:32:07 · answer #7 · answered by "karma" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isnt fair. Tell him what you know and that since he can chat it up with other girls, than you can do the same with guys.
Besides, he has no right to tell you that you cant simply talk with other guys. Thats just being an idiot.
2006-09-25 04:28:30 · answer #8 · answered by JC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The real question is Why didn't you go?? and who were you with???? No need to explain I know the reason now and why he needs to talk to other girls is quite simple Your never around..
2006-09-25 04:29:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Last time I checked, your man is allowed to talk to other women, just as you are allowed to talk to other men. Sounds like a very un-trusting relationship.
2006-09-25 04:28:41 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋