I recently found out that my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant with our first child. We were not married at the time but that doesnt make it hurt any less. I had suspicions about him messing with this particular person but he always denied it. Then she left a note on my car telling me that they had slept together thats when he felt it was time to tell me the truth.He said it only happened one time and he used protection. He said that she was just jealous of us because she sees how happy we are and just wants to cause confusion between us. She just left this note last week but all of this was five years ago but it feels like it happened yesterday thats just how bad it hurts. I love my husband with all my heart but at the same time I feel so betrayed by him. I asked him why couldnt he just have told me sooner why did he have to lie to me for so long. I dont know if I will be able to ever trust him again after something lik this. Can somebody please help me ?
2006-09-25 04:26:05 · 20 answers · asked by <<SEXY MOMMA>> 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For the last five years has he done anything to hurt or make you think he's done any wrong? If he's been kind and loving, then I would put this way back in my mind and forget it. He didn't tell you, because he didn't want to hurt or lose you. I can understand why didn't tell you, but I wish he would have given you the opportunity to know before the other woman told you. That's what hurts the most I bet.
Do you love your husband with all your heart? If you don't and you can't forgive him, then it's time to move on. You are the only one that can make that decision, you are the only one that can forgive him. Honey, please think about this carefully, if he's been a good husband and father for the last five years, I would forgive him. If he hasn't been the man you thought he was, now is the time to get out. The reason it hurts like it was yesterday is because to you it happened to you yesterday. You have to have time to grieve, and it's all so new fresh for you. He may be over it, but he's got to understand that it's all up in your face right now.
Honey, I completly understand your hurt and confussion, and I am sorry that you are going through this. I wish I could tell you that the pain will go away right away, but it's going to be a process, and I hope your Husband is understanding that you are going to have his support. He's going to have to do his part in making this marriage work if you decide to forgive him. I pray for your family, and I certainly hope you can find some peace .
God bless us all..................
2006-09-25 06:33:49 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That woman person is so unspeakable, leaving a note on your window (what's the matter with her???), I can't believe that your husband that took care for you and the children in the past 5 yrs had anything with her, ever. Even if he had, it was just sex and probably, as he says, once, when he couldn't realise her behaviour and character.
You can make this as a rule: If it's just sex, don't leave, talk it over and forgive him. If it's more, including neglecting of you and the children, leave.
If it was just sex 5 yrs ago, and it didn't happened recently and repeatingly (investigate this, without your husband's testimonies) don't leave him and forgive and forget.
However, the action that took that women is very peculiar. Why didn't she made a phone call, or meeting you in person if she wants something to say to you? If she seriously wants him, she would do that. Obviously she knows the social bounds of the marriage and she is deliberately doing this - an attempt to ruin your marriage, at least, your happyness. It is very bad from her doing such thing 5 yrs after, and it is possible. She knows what you'll think ("he has something serious with her, and he had it all the time") and that inforce the message, at least somehow might appear that it justifies it. My feeling is that she is not jelous on you, but on your success as a family. Don't let her "in". It's up to you.
2006-09-25 12:30:48 · answer #2 · answered by Wintermute 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats really crappy.First he was never gonna tell you.she did.and I know how badly it hurts been there.The question that I would wonder is did it only happen 1 time?After 5 years this woman should have left it alone and i wonder why she is bringing it up now.Belive me if this would not have happened you would have still not known 5 years and he was waiting for the right time to tell you??Ok well here is the point leaving him is an individual decision.Some woman can there is counseling which i think very highly of,and he will have to earn back your trust.Some woman cant live with it,it ends up bothering them day after day...and a fight comes up and thats always the first stone that gets thrown.Even though you werent married to me it makes no difference you were in a committed relationship and My Gosh you were pregnant with HIS child.Shame on him Sadly this woman had to hurt you.because after 5 yrs. She just should have left sleeping dogs lay.You need to search your soul,take time to think it over some things i would be asking myself right now are:Does your husbands words and actions match?Is he good to you in alot of ways?Are you comfortable with him? Is he a good Dad?If you have a good base maybe you can save this marriage,but he MUST confess his sins,be sorry,and then whatever it is YOU NEED to feel better he has to abide by it whether it counseling etc.In time you will know if you can live with this.If he is truly sorry sometimes relationships can even be better than before. Lastly im so sorry for the pain you feel I know how bad it hurts.If you do stay together though work it out move on and please dont bring it up to his face for the rest of your lives together.If you decide to leave,Then you take care of yourself and your child or children. God Bless your heart.
2006-09-25 11:46:10 · answer #3 · answered by maryann c 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suppose he didnt tell you because of that saying what you dont know wont hurt you - I guess he figured that it was so long ago that there was no point saying anything - this girl who left the note on your window just wants to cause trouble - I can see why you are upset though - then there is always the possibility that he is still lying to you and still seeing this person but somehow I doubt it because there would be no reason for this girl to leave the note if she was still getting what she wanted my guess is he is telling the truth it happened a long time ago - this will take you a lot to get over and probably quite a while to trust your man again but if you love him and he loves you then its worth it to try and get back your happy relationship - at least try your hardest for your childs sake.
2006-09-25 11:31:58 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Kazz♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I personally think it was an absolutely horrible thing to do to you, but it was a REALLY long time ago and you weren't married at the time, it's not an excuse by any means, but you should probably let it go for now. He was probably too scared to tell you and he must have realized he made a mistake with her and really loves you, that's why he married YOU and not HER. You have a marriage and a child together now...he should have told you sooner, but what happened in the past is in the past. Focus on your future with him....if you feel you still can't trust him in a few months, then you should probably let him go. You can't have a relationship without trust.
2006-09-25 11:40:31 · answer #5 · answered by skeptical 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So, the answer really depends. During the last 5 years has he been a good husband, provider and father? Has your marriage been rock steady up until this other woman threw a wrench in it? If the answers to those 2 are YES, then NO.-don't immediately divorce him. Suggest counseling to help you both move past your hurt and feelings of betrayal. He probably never told you because he did not want to hurt you and thought you would never find out (typical guy mode thing to do). Best of luck to you. I have been married 14 1/2 yrs to my hs sweetheart and I am so blessed to have him in my life.
2006-09-25 11:31:40 · answer #6 · answered by cbd901 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you go to a marriage councilor. There are probably lots of things that could be resolved between you and your husband that will give you the opportunity to clear the air and have a renewed "clean slate".
If your relationship was worth the time and effort you each have put into it so far, it is worth the time and effort to attempt to reconcile.
Too often society is ready to throw in th towel and walk away from a dificult situation...
Anything worth having does not come easy...you have to work for it...and when you do it becomes priceless.
YES, these are the words of experience...I have walked in your shoes...We celebrate our 35th year together next week.
2006-09-25 11:38:52 · answer #7 · answered by Eugene F 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it is true that it happened five years ago, I would recommend leaving it alone. In that case, you have five years of history to negate his mistake. It was big of him to admit it; he could have called her a liar. It sounds like he has some integrity. And you have a child together. I vote to give him a break and let the bygone be. I disagree that he needed to tell you if it was a one-time occurrence and he regretted and ended it. Not every mistake needs to be someone else's burden. Seeking redemption can be a selfish act. I have learned that being quietly responsible for one's own choices is sometimes the more sensitive and loving choice.
2006-09-25 11:33:22 · answer #8 · answered by georgia b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not trying to justify what he did but I've known lots of guys who have done the same thing.
ok. partially it's because you women are really weird when your hormoes are raging. if he's never been around a moody pregnant woman before it can be stressful to say the least. now along comes a hottie and she wants him. and it's during that time when you can't have sex anymore until the baby is born. and these she is, cute, hot and willing. it's really hard to say no. especially when you aren't married to the woman home pregnant with your child.
now you justify it by saying you aren't even sure the baby is yours and you find yourself naked and ready and so is she. and so you give in to temptation. and then it's over.
she still wants you but you feel really bad about what happened. you avoid her and hope to never see her again because the temptation is still there. you want to put it behind yo like a bad dream. that's why he didn't tell you.
now in your case she still wants him. maybe she just went through a bad break-up and wants to cause you pain too. who knows. Talk about it and try to get through this. Hopefully it will make your marrage stronger.
2006-09-25 11:35:41 · answer #9 · answered by oldsoftee2001 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
no you should not divorce him, this happed five years ago. let me tell you something, as a man we usually go elsewhere when we feel that there is not enough at home, and it doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. 95% of men will do this at least once just to see what it's like. I did it once but at that moment when this was happening i felt so guilty that i was unable to function. But no you should not divorce him. if you got any other question that i can help you with just ask tny_ledesma is the id.
2006-09-25 11:55:01 · answer #10 · answered by TONY L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋