Her family were firm believers of no sex before marriage and i respected that because i was/am really in love with her. HOwever, when we did marry little changed. Foreplay was always started by me and i did everything to make her feel loved and erotic. But she just lies there and does nothing. To begin with she complaied it hurt when i entered her, be it with my fingers or my penis. I made sure she was fully lubricated but she always seemed uncomfortable. Anyway sex was restricted to 'as and when' which equalled to every 3 months (if lucky). At the beginning of the year she and I were eager to start a family and she actually encouraged sex! But as luck has it she was pregnant within a month where we managed sex twice!!! SInce she's been preganant i tottally understand that penatrive sex can be difficult but there is still foreplay but she again just lies there and does nothing to me while i do everyting to her. I want to share the experiance! what can i do?
2006-09-25 04:11:39 · 32 answers · asked by andy1710 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hopefully this is just during the pregnancy. Perhaps she just doesn't feel sexy with her bulging belly and everything that goes with being pregnant. After the baby when her body comes back to herself it can get better. Be sure to encourage her to take care of herself after the baby and help her out. If not she'll surly be to exhausted for sex. It may be difficult during the pregnancy but, you have to find out what turns her on....perhaps she needs to find out what turns her on?
In the time being you should take care of yourself down there...but DON'T cheat. Good Luck!
2006-09-25 04:22:46 · answer #1 · answered by Miel 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you talked to your wife and told her how you feel? There are a number of reasons why she may not feel the same about sex as you do. There are medical conditions, psychological conditions that can deminish a persons sex drive. Maybe she is too tired. Are you taking every approach to ensure that you help out around the house and with kids to make sure she isnt too tired? Are you gentle, do you ask what she likes? I wouldnt jump to the conclusion that your wife is just a prude until you have actually talked to her about this. Tell her that making love (not sex) is part of marriage and that it should be mutual interaction. Ask her if there is anything you could do to make her enjoy it more. Bubble bath, massage, music, candles. Whatever. After you have talked to her and nothing seems to work, maybe you could both see a sex therapist together. This could be something related to the way she was raised. Maybe she was always made to believe sex is only for making babies and it is dirty otherwise. Maybe she has low self esteem and doesnt feel sexy . Good luck.
2006-09-25 04:22:44 · answer #2 · answered by belinda f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say she can change, if she wants, but she would have to have a strong motivation for that !!!! Hum... it sounds complicated. I have had a very restrictive and religion upbring myself, and got married virgin. My husband was very afraid i would not like sex. Actually he complained a lot at the start, saying that I was not satisfying him. I got very sad, and I have really never overcome my sadness for that, but I swallowed my pride and tried to learn things. At the end, he told me that I had become the best woman he had ever had! Actually I have made things that would make he say: "WOW how can you come up with such ideas?"
I FOCUSED on learning how to satisfy a man and I have managed to learn.
In any case your wife will have to choose to change. I see an extra concern here when it comes to her pregnancy. Even women who are very sexually active and fond of sex use to be not in the mood for that during pregnancy, so I think now it is not the proper time for things to start to get better...
Anyway I guess you should motivate her into trying to change (some time after the baby is born). You dont have to be rude like my husband has been to me, but try talking to her that sex is important to you and you are not willing to live the rest of your life with a bad sexual life like this. I guess she will only feel motivated to change if she feels she may lose something if she does not change... Sometimes being TOO patient TOO loving and TOO understanding can not be the best approach... I say if she has all she wants (such as caring husband, a family, a stable reslationship, etc) by being the way she is, why would she change?
2006-09-25 04:19:20 · answer #3 · answered by Graça 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sure she is not lying when she says she doesn't hate sex; she just doesn't know how to enjoy it. Social and moral upbringing plays a crucial role in the way we veiw sex as adults. She was more than likely brought up in a very rigid moral environnment or was somehow either turned off to the pleasures of sex bytnegative reinforcement or was molested as a child. Please don't take any of this as an absolute! I am just trying to put ideas out there that may help you two in resolving this matter.
Many women feel very self conscious of their bodies because they were taught that the body was an ugly thing when related to sex. She may have heard this often enough to firmly believe it later on in life. According to the female role models she had, and due to their inconformity and inability to deal with sex, was taught that men are animals and are only looking for one thing, sex! Maybe her mother, who was her principle role model, filled her head with her own frustrations and lack of communicational skills when it came to sex. She was conditioned into thinking that sex was a chore that had to be dealt with because it was the right thing to do in marriage. She was trained to believe that many things were the right things to do, hence, the desire to have a child. There are many things to be considered before jumping off the deep end.
There are some things you mentioned that make me surmize that you are not that well informed about the sexual process either. Pregnancy does not preclude any of the normally practiced sexual activities, let alone penetration.
May I suggest you endeavor to learn all you can about sex, through any of the readily available sources and that you sit down with your spouse and dialog. Talk about the things that you feel are important and scary or taboo to you both in the realm of sex. Talk about your expectations, phobias, and concepts. Be as honest as you can with each other. Be patient with her and yourself. This is not a process that will come overnight. You must be tolerant, and understandint to her concerns, since she is the one who seems to have the most difficulty dealing and coping with the sitaution.
I wish yyou the best in your plight and hope you resolve you sitaution favorably.
2006-09-25 04:37:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make her love you, it is clear that she doesn't know you well. Be patient, she is a bit afraid of man at all. (Thus she won't be unfaithfull ever...) My parents were like hers, but I had sex before marriage (I was a "bad" girl for them, when they found out. very hard time...) I can say that living in that family made me afraid of physical contacts, but I needed a man-friend (I couldn't rely on my mother's or father's experiences and advices about anything at all) so I decided to give everything away to find such guy. So, concerning sex, it made me like "experienced virgin". At first, everytime I was insecure, acted as your wife does, and after that cried. Then I became stronger, having 2 other men just for sex (in different periods) and 4 real relationships. But I really met a guy that clerly said that sex WITH ME is very important to him, and that he is willing to help me in whatever I am doing, working or have a passion on. So we are both the best friends and lovers, husband and wife almost 6 years. I'm 32 now and I can say that I LOVE sex with him. Even when I'm dreaming or having fantasies he is the person that I have sex with. I love him.
2006-09-25 05:55:49 · answer #5 · answered by Wintermute 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unless she changes her attitude, it wont get better. Sex is fine during pregnancy. And it is such a natural thing. Sorry man, unless you teach her that it is a beautiful thing and since you are husband and wife-perfectly ok, you are gonna have to whack off all the time. Oh, and then after about 10 years when you are bitter, sexless and very unhappy, you will start an affair. then, you will get caught and you will be the bad guy. She will dirvorce your *** and take everything.
dont wait for that.
if she is religious, try some Songs of Solomon out on her.
or alcohol.
or both...
I cant imagine not wanting sex.
My guy and I are two or three times a day.
But at my age, I hear thats how it works.
Maybe when she is in her mid 30's her libido will increase.
good luck!
2006-09-25 04:23:04 · answer #6 · answered by cici 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So many issues here, and sadly it's not uncommon.
She's got mental hangups here. It's not a physical problem, it's in her head. Something in her upbringing made her think her that sex was bad, so she can't allow herself to enjoy it. Nor can she allow herself to be an active participant in the bedroom. She may have been told some story as a very young girl that sex hurts, sex gives you diseases, sex causes problems.... so her mind focused on that and ever let go of it. Even if it's only on a sub-conscience level, she is sabotaging her own pleasure and happiness.
I suggest talking to her about seeing a reproductive therapist. A professional can help get to the route of the problem(s) and help you two to find a way to deal with them. If he/she is any good, they can even tell you ways to get past them in the bedroom by doing or trying certain things.
Good luck to you!
2006-09-25 04:20:02 · answer #7 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
And it won't get any better after the baby is born because her attentions will shift to it. You guys need some family counseling, and maybe read this book. (But hey, some women just don't much like sex, just like some people just don't like pasta.) Have you two ever just sat down and talked? Do you really know what she wants, if it is anything at all? It takes two to be sexy, and maybe on the outside you aren't as good as you think your are. In any event invest firstly in this book, and for sure, get into counseling
"For You Both" by Lonnie Barbach... the sex therapist in the nation today, get it cheap and in paperback on Amazon.co. Could be at your house by Thursday. Lots of ideas how you can make your relationship better. But, again, like I said, some people just don't much care for sex.
2006-09-25 04:23:44 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will have to entice her with chocolates, flowers, little $1 gifts and other funny ways to stroke you. Tell her it is her wifely duty to give you massages on your (neck, back, legs, whatever) that hurts, whether it hurts or not.
She will learn to cherish you and enjoy touching you although it will take some time for it to become more sexual in nature.
Someone not socialized to erotic feelings may think it is dirty somehow, even with their husband. You chose this route, so I wish you luck in having the patience to unravel it. It is in your best interest to do so, as someone else very well could--she isn't frigid, just not familiar.
2006-09-25 04:16:55 · answer #9 · answered by nora22000 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
man....sounds liek you are in quite a pickle...you;ve tried talking to her about this?? make sure you relay your thoughts to her. if the sex before marriage is a religious thing...then...alot can be expalined. In the baptist religion they are taught that sex is to only procreate...that it's not to be enjoyed because that would be pleasing your flesh..and thats wrong...in their opinion of course. I know this because i was raised this way...but don't want any part of it now. i love having sex with my bf...i love to please him and he loves to please me. i know some girls aren't as active or inclined to it, i have a hard time understanding it...but i've also been called a nymph...anyway- you really didn't give enough info...so i guess...talk to her...show her maybe how you want to be pleased...rent a porno maybe she would get into that...not a ral trashy one...something classy...they have those out their. Gongrads on the kid...hope your a good father. good luck...i feel real bad for you.
2006-09-25 04:45:48 · answer #10 · answered by tigerlily 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋