Me and my husband have been togeather for 8 years and I just had a baby and he started acting really weard. like his freinds are more important and he was talking about leaving me and moving in with his freind and also he kissed some girl. well that all passed by and he started comming home and talking to me again but when I asked if he was happy he kindof side steped me and said that it is going to take time he really wont spend much time at all with the baby. I think he is trying but I feel like Ive lost something I felt for him I just cant help thinking that he is never going to change and maybe he really doesnt love me
2006-09-25 04:06:53 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like the responsibility of being a parent has overwhlemed him and he has no idea how to deal with it. Being the parent of 5 children, I can remember how traumatic the first one was. You really have no idea how huge a commitment being a parent is until you are a parent and for some that realization sends them into a tizzy. One thing that I have noticed with all my friends is that with their first child we have all felt like our importance was diminished once the child was born. Babies require 110% of a parent's (especially the mother) attention. Guys feel like they are not needed, not important, and start to feel resentment. It's a silly selfish thing that happens. Hopefully your husband will get over the feelings and start to focus on what's important sooner than later.
2006-09-25 04:14:33 · answer #1 · answered by jvano35 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's just going through changes he has relaizes he isn't the baby no more and that he has to grow up and he is not wanting to thats why the buddies all of a sudden... He also maybe feeling as though you are paying more attention to the baby then him, I know sounds crazy but some men have a real problem with this it's true and you hardly hear of it b/c know one wants anyone else to know about it... but if you say all was fine till' the baby came about then my guess is that he is feeling a bit left out and scared to be a partent and he questions his ability to be a father... and all these reason are why he is not happy! Sounds like he is trying it might just take sometime for him to get into parent mode... Give him more lovin's and sugar, some quality time, fun times, show him that just b/c you too have a baby now that life isn't over and that your marriage can be just as good... Good luck!
2006-09-25 11:21:05 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is like a horse, looking over the fence at what appears to be greener pastures. You need to turn his head back in the right direction. Make home life as pleasant for him as possible. I don't mean kiss his feet. I just mean make it nice. Make it clean and happy. A refuge. Men are always needing love. Give him all you can. Let him know you want him. Give him a reason to want to come home. It is bound to be returned. Sometimes when you want something you have to stand up and say so. Fight for it! Feelings come and go. If you want a stable family life, then to hell with all that crap about "I'm just not In Love anymore." PaLEEEEze!! That stuff makes me gag!!! He's your husband, you are his wife, and you have a baby together. Now it's time to be happy ever after!! Throw your worries away, and throw yourself into making your home life the best it can possibly be.
2006-09-25 11:32:10 · answer #3 · answered by Jann 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yep... it sounds like you now have two babies to look after. Your husband has not quite adjusted to the demands and attention the baby has now taken.
You both need to sit down and talk... reassure him that both your roles have changed because of your child and as parents, the baby is going to need him as the father just as much as the baby needs you. Let him know that things can't go back to the way they were, but that's not a bad thing. You'll find and make time for each other and realize the importance of that. And finally, let him know that you'd like to understand why he acted as he did and kissed other "girls"... and if he does it again, he'll also be eating strained carrots because you'll knock every tooth out of his head.
2006-09-25 11:29:26 · answer #4 · answered by E. Gads 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your having a baby has thrust him into a completely uncomfortable situation that he has no idea how to handle. You need to worry about you and the baby. Start dressing up and getting yourself fixed up (if you are not already), do the same for the baby, start getting back to your pre-baby shape (if you are not already) and feel good about mom and baby. He sounds like a schmuck for kissing another girl, not coming home, and talking about leaving you... Give him some time if you think he is worth it, but in the mean time let him see you are okay and the baby is okay regardless of what he does.
2006-09-25 11:14:38 · answer #5 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay. This is your husband right? He is supposed to be home with you and your baby. And those "kissing other girls" days were supposed to end the day he asked you to be his wife. It sounds to me like he isnt ready for the responsibility as husband or father. He doesnt deserve the benifit of the doubt. You already know in your heart that he is a selfish *** and that probably wont change. He isnt even willing to talk to you about this. Why should you bend till you break if he isnt willing to bend at all?
2006-09-25 11:12:48 · answer #6 · answered by belinda f 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you know a guy like that wow, he no good father and husband to be around. Because he knew that was his child and he won't take it. So he choose to move in with friend and kissed some girls and believe me he had sex with some women and all that happy went to down the hill and want you back. Wow, You have been very very faithful to your husband and he not. Now he want you back??? do not take him back. Look at me I remember told my wfie I don't want kids and she got pregeant and I never say it not my child and you cheating on me.. nope i asked her she told me that she is going to have a baby and she was so scared to tell me and knowing that I don't want kids. and I told her I am ready to be the father. by the time baby born it changed my life! and I became the best father and husband in the world.
For me for him never going to change. He need a place to stay and I guess his friend tired of him and kick him out. and so do not have him back your life and you can get a better guy than this. I hopeyou find a guy like me who really notice you and care for you and baby and want to make a best for the family. I don't do what he was doing. WOW, He freaking Cheap father and husband he remind me of my father.. and I change not to be like my father.
So, tell him sorry I don't care what yourlife like or whatever it is and you want to beg like damn dog that fine but telling you you just want me in bed with you not even care about me and my baby. so go find someone to mess around. If he did change and if he did wow different tell him sorry you blew it there is no second chance period. My wife told me if I ever cheating which I don't do that she will not give me second chance and she told me and you know she trusted me 110% but not trust other women. which wow,
I do hope this helps you smile.
2006-09-25 12:13:18 · answer #7 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds as if he is having troubles coping with his lover becoming his mother; not that you are his mother, or that that is what he thinks, but rather, you are now a mother image to him, showing more attention to a younger sibling, instead of a lover image devoting your entire attention to him alone.
Give him time to get use to the change. It will also help if you dress up for him in something feminine; both in daily life, and romantically. You need to get him thinking of you again, as a lover.
2006-09-25 11:23:27 · answer #8 · answered by eric l 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has major attachment and intimacy issues that you cannot fix. It does you no good for us to tell you how to "fix" him. You can only educate yourself so that you know how to cope and move forward. You won't deal with the real problem by working on the situations you mentioned: They are only symptoms. There's something seriously wrong with his wiring. You and he need separate help before you can even think of coming together to fix the marriage.
2006-09-25 11:15:06 · answer #9 · answered by georgia b 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The baby has changed both of your lives. He needs to realize this, get over himself and be a father and husband.
2006-09-25 11:10:46 · answer #10 · answered by Val 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋