My husband and I are arguing over my insecurities. He told me this weekend that if things don't change our marriage is not going to last. All he wants is for me to trust him. I am always thinking the worst. If he doesn't answer his phone I automatically think about another woman. If he's gone somewhere and I am at home I start thinking all these thoughts! I know it's me obsessing but I can't seem to make my head shut up. He has never done anything to make me feel this way. I know this comes from past relationships, being hurt and cheated on. I know that he is not like that. He tells me, "I married you, I love you, why can't you get that through your head". I know he loves me and I know he wouldn't cheat on me. All he does is work and come home!! It's like my heart says one thing and my head says another. I am going to loose him if I don't quit letting my insecurites rule me! What can I do to trust my husband and quit being so insecure!
2006-09-25 03:59:52 · 6 answers · asked by faith 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would first start by reading your question again and begin taking your statements to heart... at this point, you are EXPECTING or WAITING for your husband to cheat. You are willing to focus on "potentials" and "possibilities" than REALITY.
My wife went through the same thing and she has her moments every now and then but what she learned to do was to concentrate more on the realities of things rather than let rumors, chances, possibilities, etc take over her thinking. You KNOW that your husband loves you, you KNOW your husband is at work... if your husband doesn't answer his phone, we don't KNOW what's happening, so don't react to it. If he's 30 minutes late coming home, we don't KNOW why he's late, so don't immediately jump on his case. If you're going to trust him, you're going to have to trust him 100% and only react and respond to what you know. If there are doubts and concerns about things you don't know, then ask and talk to find out, but once you have your answer, let it go unless there are some inconsistent answers.
2006-09-25 04:20:10 · answer #1 · answered by E. Gads 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear, it will take time... I don't think it was right of him to give you an ultimatum on your marriage though... Thats not fair for him to say its over just like that.... He should be willing to help you through it...
Do the two of you have good communication>? If not work on that... Schedule time each day to spend together. If its only 15 min. some days, then thats fine, just as long as you two are really truly seeing each other... talking or just spending some time alone.... Maybe the two of you should actually go on a date every so often, a date like you went on before you were married... it will help fuel the fire more.... and make you feel even more like his one and only! Maybe you should schedule/plan a fun vacation or long weekend together... get out, even if you never leave the hotel room, you at least were in a different place, just the two of you, and focusing on your marriage, and your love for one another!
these things take time, and effort... but the reward of a long lasting marriage, til death do you part, will be soooo enitrely worth it... Im praying for you both!
2006-09-25 11:08:28 · answer #2 · answered by lily 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do yourself a favour. Find a counselor and open the lines of communication with a mediator so that you can work through your past and he can understand where your insecurities are coming from. Don't let your past destroy your present or your future, get help to work through your past and move on.
2006-09-25 11:06:49 · answer #3 · answered by jvano35 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep busy and focus on why you married him. Do more for yourself and think of only you. YOu love him more than you love yourself. and the thought of him doing what a previous boyfriend did, scares you to death so you become obsessive to making sure it is not happening again. Follow your heart. That is God's way of speakin to you.
2006-09-25 11:36:35 · answer #4 · answered by sassy lady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to stop thinking about it. keep yourself busy with something, and don't think about him cheating on you knowing that he wont. you just have to over come your insecurities.
2006-09-25 11:03:56 · answer #5 · answered by superboredom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to relax!!!! or you will drive him crazy......give him his space if you are controlling his life like you said probably he will want to stay away from you.....so give him a little trust and stop making his life miserable
2006-09-25 11:04:26 · answer #6 · answered by haki 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋