Husband does not listen to me when we are talking and tells me I'm just being stupid Why is he like this?

Question

When we are talking about problems or arguing he always over talks me and never listens to me. If he does listen to me then he turns what into his own way of thinking. Words get turn upside down. I am the one that is always wrong. He makes it look and sound like he has never done anything wrong in his life. Why does he do this?

Answer 1

An age old marital problem. Sounds like your hubby is hearing but not listening. Until he actually takes the time to listen to your feelings/opinions he will not have the ability to talk things through. It's a closed minded way of avoiding issues that is common to people that have a hard time admitting their short comings. Unfortunately for you, there is nothing you can do until your husband sees that he also has faults and takes an active roll in communication. Your thoughts are falling on deaf ears.

Answer 2

Sounds like my ex.

Men like that are very insecure. They can't even think of the possibility that they may be wrong about something so they always find ways to point the finger at you rather than looking in the mirror. He will continue to put his needs before yours or even yours as a family. I bet if you think about it you will see where he has done this already in several ways.

"Why does he do this?" Because he is insecure. May have to do with how someone else treated him or how he grew up but either way he is insecure.

Not much you can do about it other than decide if you can live with it or not.

I lived with a man just over 5 years who was like this. I left and went back several times before I left for good. He married about a year later and within a year she was asking me if he did this or if he did that when we were together. She was complaining about all the things I left for. She eventually left several years later and I'm not sure how she did it but she got him into counseling and on to anti depressents. She went back to him 6 months later and her and our son both say he is a better person now.

Only you can decide what you can tolerate. Maybe you can get him into counseling, maybe it might take you leaving to accomplish that goal and maybe you may just have to move on with your life without him. Otherwise you will just have to deal with it because unless he realizes he needs to change - he won't.

Hope this helps... Good Luck!

Answer 3

The basics of communication need to be learned or every little thing will be a major obstacle. Read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship," by Patricia Evans. I really think you'll recognize your own situation from reading the book. You've described some characteristics of classic verbal abuse. Just like an addiction, you can't work on ANYTHING until you acknowledge the obvious and get it out of the way. Here's a link to some good reading material to help you define and cope with the issue:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b/002-0670082-9183263?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=the+verbally+abusive+relationship&Go.x=10&Go.y=12

Answer 4

Perhaps because to him it's just another competition, and if he can be more linguistically dexterous than you, he'll see it as a win. He won't want to face the reality of the situation, and admit to being wrong or not in control like he deludes himself he is.
You need to show him the error of his ways in a non verbal way if you can, because if you try to use words he'll go lawyer on you. Think how you can illustrate your point in a more physical or tangible way, a way that makes it impossible for him to avoid seeing himself as you see him.

Answer 5

Try to find a better way to communicate.

Generally if you go on the attack, he will be defensive.

I've had similar communication styles with my wife.

I am a fiscal conservative, she is a liberal. We've come to the conclusion that politics is not something we "discuss".

When he is talking try to listen. Ask him to allow you to talk when talking.

It might not hurt to see a counselor to get the ball rolling for "fair fighting".

Answer 6

I call that the throw off he's throwing off his sh!* to make you feel bad turning the stuff around so that you'll feel as if your wrong for thinking and feeling the way you do. In a nut shell he doesn't want to confront the issuses you bring to the table.

Answer 7

HEY,,,whats his name??? Cuz he sounds just like mine. Ok Ok, you can have him!!
Seriously, I know mine HAS to be right ALL of the time and can never admit when he's wrong. And to make matters worse, even when he know deep down inside he's wrong and feels guilty, he STILL sturns it around and points it back at me somehow. That's why I'm considering divorce, I can't stand it anymore.

Answer 8

He does not know how to communicate!
He has no listening skills!
He is not compassionate!
He doesn't know how to treat a lady!
He has very little respect for you, if he has any at all!
He doesn't know how to be your friend or won't allow you two to be!
He doesn't know how to be honest or how to be original, other wise he wouldn't be changing your words or making your words his...

Answer 9

lol sounds like my husband they have this thing where they have to always be right. I have learned just to shut up even if i am right i just allow him to think he is it makes life easier and really deep down in side they know that your right but dont and wont ever admit it.

Answer 10

Dang I thought I was always wrong its great to hear that there are woman out there that are wrong. Wonder what would happen if my wife (always right) hooked up with your hubby (always right) that would be explosive.