We got married 4 years ago and things where great for both of us.
The last year and a half I keep thinking that I got married too young (24), that I don't enjoy my self as much as I want to. I'm not too far from starting to have an affair.
Three months ago I was in love with someone from work (and so was he), nothing happened of course but the situation was so soul-destroying.....I'm sure that something would've happen if he weren’t transferred.
I can't get a divorce from my husband because there's nothing wrong with him, the opposite, he adores me and he doesn't have a clue about what is going on (I kinda hope for him to fall in love with someone so I can get my "get out of jail" card). I love him very much but I can't even imagine hurting him. I just fell out of love. If only I knew better I would never got married.
I don't know what kind of advise you can possibly give me, just write what you want.
2006-09-25 03:19:31 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are too young to not be happy, in some ways people stay out of guilt and that is not healthy either. You have to decide what makes you happy and go for it! Good luck
2006-09-26 05:32:00 · answer #1 · answered by kirsten215 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two things, one you CANT fall in or out of love. Love isn't just a feeling. You did get married too young maybe. See when you say those vows you mean it, and you keep them. Loveing someone is an ACTION!! You feel a little hootzpah for another man and you wanna divorce?? You think that you are suppose to become a numb to the opposite sex when you put on a ring?? NO NO NO!! You can feel hootzpah and anything else, it's not what it does for the area between your legs it's how you choose to handle it. Thing two, stop falling!! You will be spending the rest of your life falling and that's not so fun. Feelings are fickle they change everyday. Find something concrete, and stick with it. Find yourself first. Don't get a divorce until the person you truely can imerge, and for god's sakes, STOP FALLING!!! Remember this ( from a seasoned vet!!) When you fall it's gonna hurt every time maybe not so much, but pain will still be there no matter what. You can chose to fall, or you can say stead fast.
2006-09-25 03:30:23 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is more common than you think. But, you need to remember that you loved him passionately before and you can again. It's kind of like a child that feels so discouraged because they rode their bike great when it had training wheels but when they were taken off they can't get the bike to stay on the two wheels it was intended to be. Everything DOES happen for a reason. Your co-worker was transfer ed so that you can work on making things better. You can love your husband again. Sit down and make a list of all the things you loved about him when and before you married him.Take your time. You'll be surprised at the things yo forgot. Then during dinner or while lying in bed start telling im the things you love about him... The things that made you love him. Maybe he'll recall a few that you've forgotten. Romantic moments that you simply can't seem to remember anymore. You'll both feel wonderful about the reminiscing and you might find that spark again. I'll pray for your happiness! Good luck and God bless!
2006-09-25 04:09:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not trapped. You are just falling out of love. But there is more to a marriage than Love. There is respect. You have respect for him because you didn't do anything wrong, yet, and you should keep it that way. You are in a commitment and you should not jeopardize that. If you want to get a divorce than do it on good terms. So that noone will get hurt. Talk to him and tell him that you no longer feel the love between the two of you. And that you want to make some changes for your relationship to be better. If you want to really get divorced than tell him and ask him what would be a good way to handle this situation. But if he is good and you cannot find anything wrong with him, then you really should try to keep him and try to make your marriage a better marriage for the both of you. Good marriage partners are hard to come by these days. The grass is not always greener on the other side. But if you just can't stay in the marriage then you shouldn't have to and you should not have do something wrong to get out of it.
Good luck.
2006-09-25 03:34:47 · answer #4 · answered by meeeohmyyyy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it is hard to admit to oneself that all is not well in our personal lives. One thing to remember in relationships is that feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are. The fact that you feel "trapped" has no bearing on whether anyone has done anything wrong or right or whether or not a person is good or not. People can love other people in different ways. I have many female friends that I "love" as friends but I know would never last in a relationship. They are just people that I adore for the friendship they bring. On the other hand, I also "love" my wife. The difference between the two is the fact that I cannot imagine going a day without seeing, talking to, etc. my wife. My friends on the other hand I could go for days/weeks and not feel like I am missing anything. Guess what I am trying to say is don't beat yourself up for feeling this way, it is an unfortunate reality that sometimes people make mistakes and marry people too early only to realize later that the person they are married to is not "the one". All you can do is be honest and talk to your husband as he is entitled to know what you are feeling.
2006-09-25 03:43:19 · answer #5 · answered by jvano35 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to make your own "get out jail free" card. If you are miserable, then you aren't doing your husband in favors by staying. If you truly don't love him anymore, and just can't seem to picture yourself married to him for the rest of your life then go. I don't like divorce, don't recommend it easily, but when someone is this unhappy, and has fell in love with someone else, even if it didn't go anywhere-then it's time to call it quits.
Your husband and you deserves to be with people who make your world complete. Someone who puts you first in there life, and doesn't lack anything in the relationship-so that the possiblity of an affair is impossible. Sweetie, you haven't done anything "wrong" yet, do you think that you can live like this for the rest of your life. You fall out of love, it's wrong, it's sad, but not wrong, what's wrong is your living a lie. Your husband is living a lie, and he doesn't even know it. Are you being fair to him? I don't think so. What would hurt him more, continuing this till you find Mr. Right or at least someone that you want to see, then your husband find out about it. Or break the news now, so you are free to go searching for what you are looking for. That way your husband can start over looking for someone that he completes. Think about all the pros and cons in the situation, you are the only one that knows your true heart. Your "get out of jail" card is for the taking, but you better make sure that you really want to use it...It's not a easy decision, it's going to hurt, but would the pain be any less or would it be more to make it later on. I hope you can find some happiness, everyone deserves to be truly loved and to be happy...and your husband does too..
God bless us all..............
2006-09-25 03:37:34 · answer #6 · answered by totallylost 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What characteristics/qualities of his did you fall in love with in the beginning? Does he still have those? Are you guys working long hours with no time for each other? Are you also making time for your own personal time? If possible, could you guys find the time to go away for a few days, or maybe just an overnight or daylong getaway?
Maybe you haven't fallen out of love. It could be that you've grown used to him and don't appreciate him anymore.
Try looking through some old pictures/movies of some of the good times you two had when your relationship was new. Or you could try doing something totally different together. New hobbies or interests.
I wish you both all the best of luck and I hope it works out for you two.
2006-09-25 03:31:45 · answer #7 · answered by grannyhuh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe you need to work on your relationship and give it a try to work things out he seems very faithful and loving you couldn't ask for a more perfect husband. Maybe find what it takes to make you smile more and talk to him maybe just some rekindling sparks is all you really need! I was married at 20 and pregnant my first marriage lasted 19 yrs but cuz he cheated to many times. I always thought I was missing something but if you have found love hold on to it very close cuz it don't come by very often. I advise you to keep your man tell him how he can make you feel better about the relationship.
2006-09-25 03:29:49 · answer #8 · answered by wildrose 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well love you can only do what your heart says to do. I got married when I was 19 and I was two young myself she was 22 and the though of a older women was very sexual. We were together for 10 years and I thought thing were great and then she had an affair and told me that she did not ever love me. During our marriage I had a ton of women after me but never strayed but wish I did now. This might sound dumb but I would have an affair and she were it leads to. It's kind of funny because my situation right now is a bit like yours. Mike
2006-09-25 03:28:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are immature and selfish. What made you marry this guy in the first place? You need to put yourself in check. If you honestly don't love him at all than do him a favor and tell him that and ask for a divorce so he can someday get over you and find a woman who is more deserving of him. But I have a sneaky suspicion that once he started dating a new woman you would just have to have him back and hopefully then you wouldn't get in the way of his happiness.
2006-09-25 03:25:18 · answer #10 · answered by smile4u 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have no idea how luck you are to be trapped doing hard time with someone who really loves you. What makes you think that someone else would be better than what you have now? You know the grass is greener mentality. You must be a great liar if he has no idea whats going on or that's how much he TRUSTS you. You have a good thing now and I really don't think you will find better....so just love him as much as he loves you.
2006-09-25 03:53:04 · answer #11 · answered by oldman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋