I had a feeling, he was being secretive & shuting off his cell. He kept on picking fights & then he started accusing me with that. I told him that "The one who accuses is the guilty one" He couldn't take it. I guess the guilt was eating him alive. He finally told me the truth. After 2 days of not having any contact with him I saw him & we spoke about it. He wants another chance. I know it only happened once. I love him with all my heart I just don't want to feel the pain again & I did tell him that It is goining to take a longf time for me to trust again he understands. Am I a fool for wanting to give me a second chance. Help.
2006-09-25 03:14:50 · 23 answers · asked by liz7768 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way I forgot to mention he was drunk that was his answer to why. It is no excuse, but I just wanted to mention it..
2006-09-25 03:33:38 · update #1
You're not a fool, however, you need to determine what your limiatations are. First of all, he needs to sincerely be sorry. Secondly, he needs to be more trustworthy, and be able to change so that you need to be able to trust him again. Thirdly, he needs to know that the moment he lies to you once again, that you're out of the picture. It's a pretty hard thing to do--be able to move on and forgive your spouse. However, it's always possible. Just have realistic expectations. Know that it's going to take a long time to heal your wounds, and that from here on, all you can do is move forward and not bring up the past.
2006-09-25 10:47:36 · answer #1 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't a fool. You are a woman who loves her husband, and you feel betrayed, and you aren't ready to just let it go. I always said that if I were ever put in this situation, that would be it. I would walk. The thing is that I am not so sure anymore. When we marry the people that we love, right in the vows, it says "for better or worse". I would say this would be the worse. Wouldn't you? You can get all of the opinions and answers you want. And although some are going to be good, and some aren't, the thing is that you have to go with your gut feeling on this one. No one can tell you what to do. I know that it is easier to seek guidance from people around us, but let's face it, that is just so if you do give him another chance, you can point fingers around you if it doesn't work out instead of taking the blame yourself. Do you feel that he is going to do it again? You knew something was wrong, so it isn't like you don't have that women's intuition...you know. Love is strong, and for most of us, it can get us through everything. I want you to know also something that I just found out.....the majority of us out here at one time or another have had some sort of "encounter" with another person while married. And the fact is that our significant others have no idea, and most go on to have 20 + years of marriage. You don't want to give him a second chance if you know deep down that he just can't let this ex go. If you know that he is just groveling because he was found out and that he isn't just one of those above mentioned people, then go with how you are feeling. But, take some sound advice. You can't get through this alone...seek out marriage counseling. And let him know that is a condition of you allowing him back in your life. Let him know that it isn't ok. That sorry doesn't cover it, and that if he is serious, he needs to show you that he is serious, and that means counseling. Good luck, and God Bless. :)
2006-09-25 03:25:23 · answer #2 · answered by pamalamadingdong_1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a fool. The first thing I would do is get counseling. You will have to work on trust issues. You both should go. If you can't learn to trust him again after a while you may have to move on. He should do everything in his power to gain your trust back. His life should be an open book for you to read. You should be able to know where he is and what he is doing for a long time. Good Luck and hope it works out for you.
2006-09-25 03:20:40 · answer #3 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If i was you id be very careful....id ask him why did he even cheat in the first place and with his ex of all people...better find out what the problem is and fix it before he just cheats again..i dont think i would just run back open armed and all....it be awhile after some long talking and soul searching...he has lied to you and has cheated on you two things a person does not do if they love you and its hard to forget and forgive something as big as that..he has alot of proving to do if your willing to give him another chance..good luck and you do what you feel is best for you and your life!!
2006-09-25 03:24:22 · answer #4 · answered by blondie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're not a fool... in order to forgive him; he's going to have to confess WHY he went back to his ex and none of that "I was drunk" or "one thing led to another" b.s. He's gonna have to strip his soul bare and reveal all that is inside.
Don't tell him that it's what you expect from him, because that's what you'll get... a commercialized version. This, he's gonna have to discover and give to you on his own.
Prepare yourself for any attempts to turn it or twist it to get to feel like it was your fault he went to his ex's arms.
In order to forgive him, you're going to have to learn to trust him again and not hold the affair over his head. The thought of it will always be there, but over time, it will have less and less of an impact on you. For example, After 1 year of faithful rebuilding, if you were to come home from work and you know your husband is home, and there is a car in your driveway that LOOKS like his ex's car... how would you respond?
After 5 years of faithful rebuilding, if you were to come home from work and you know your husband is home, and there is a car in your driveway that LOOKS like his ex's car... how would you respond?
Your reactions are going to soften and soften, as you will continue to grow to trust him more over the years. But if you think you would find yourself bustin' in your house every time it appears he's up to no good, there's more explaining he needs to do because you still have some unanswered concerns...
2006-09-25 03:54:02 · answer #5 · answered by E. Gads 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He did it once honey he will do it again. My ex husband accused me of sleeping with everyone I came in contact with. When in fact HE was the one that was cheating on me with another woman. Needless to say I am VERY happily divorced from him now for 3 years now. Always remember. There is always somone out there that will treat you like the queen you deserve to be treated like. My current boyfriend proved that to me the day I met him and still does every day. Since your husband cheated on you with his ex, I highly doubt he has stopped or he wont go back to her again. I personally wouldnt trust him. Cheaters are no better than wife beaters, eventually they all do it again.
2006-09-25 03:22:42 · answer #6 · answered by dragonslilbch 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been exactly where you are now. It will take a really long time for the hurt to heal but you will forgive ( but never forget) Take time away from each other for a while so you can work out what you both really want
2006-09-25 03:20:30 · answer #7 · answered by cino_bean 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way!
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all!
By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra
2006-09-25 03:18:28 · answer #8 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are three possible answers: 1. It is OVER; 2. It is OVER; 3. It is OVER.
"Fool"? Yes. You would also be giving him permission to do it again . . . and again . . . and again. He's a pro at this. Deep-seated, addictive-type behavior. Throw him away and get another . . . or a dog. I'm serious. You can't fix him. He will take you down and waste your life.
2006-09-25 03:17:52 · answer #9 · answered by georgia b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to tell you I was married 19 yrs and my husband cheated at 11 yrs of our marriage with his brothers wife. I forgave him and again later she cheated again and he told me he loved me sorry to say he will break your heart again maybe its not your fault but somethings missing in your relationship or hes not over the EX but either way going to happen again I say possibly him going to counseling but I think time to say bye bye and move on lifes to short to have a broken heart. You can find love again I did and married 5 months now.
2006-09-25 03:53:03 · answer #10 · answered by wildrose 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋