How can I trust him?

Question

My boyfriend got over a drug problem recently and has been sober for 6 months. He lives in a sober living home and its about 15 minutes away from my home. I always want to see him, but he says he needs to work on his recovery more, which i completely understand. He says he can only see me on the weekends, but during the week when I ask what he's doing, he usually is doing nothing (not going to meetings) just hanging out with the people at the sober living home. I feel like he makes up excuses not to see me. I've asked him if he wants to may be see other people and he gets upset and tells me no...for instance i saw him this whole weekend and asked him what he was doing tonight, he said, nothing much and didn't even ask to see me..what should I do?? Do I allow him to see me only at his convenience? I tried talking to him but it doesn't seem to work, I feel like he either could be cheating or is just getting sick of me, we've been together 5 1/2 years..help??

Answer 1

I truly believe that he is just being selfish but in a good way. Recovering from any addiction is a pain staking process and you need to concentrate on your recovery and needs FIRST. You need to give him all of the space that he needs...at least for a reasonable period of time. I feel that if you push the issue with him he will either totally push you away or turn back to his drug of choice...just be there for him when you can be and be very supportive and hope that his affection and desire to be with you more returns. The people at the home he is staying at are all in the same boat and he probably can relate to them better than anyone else at the current time. Hope this info has helped and good luck.

Answer 2

If he is in a rehab, he has a schedule that is met on a daily basis. Attending group sessions, individual sessions with therapists, and other activities that are set up for those in these centers. Some places only allow visiting on weekends for a certain amount of time. Others have visitation only 1 hour a day.
Your boyfriend is working through alot of issues and it will take time for him to recover. He maybe just giving you excuses because he doesn't want you to see him in this condition. He may have come to realize what he had put you through and not ready to talk with you about this. Don't push him into talking about his recovery. He is under alot of stress and needs to cope with his issues one day at a time. Just stand by him and give him your love as you have in the past. He needs your support now more than anything else. I doubt if he is cheating or that he is tired of you, it sounds more like he wants to get better and be completely recovered so you can trust him again.
Good luck and take care!

Answer 3

Actually, if he is in a drug rehab program, it is recommended that you don't date for a year. This is the same case with alcohol. There are several steps that abusers have to take in order to be completely sober. If he only wants to see you on the weekends and is doing nothing during the week, then he may be limiting himself from the outside world in order to "heal" himself. Don't take this as a negative thing. Be positive and supportive about the whole situation. Eventually, life will get back to normal. Until then, be patient and remember, he loves you and he is not only doing this for himself, but you too.

Answer 4

You need to understand that your boyfriend has only been sober for six months. How long was he high? How long has he been living at the home? He needs to learn how to be in this world without any help from drugs. It is not easy to have to live in the world with all of your senses intact when you've been living in it with them dulled. You are right that he might be cheating on you, but I wouldn't assume that at first because of his situation. Don't pressure him about this right now. If in another six months, he is still behaving like this then you can talk about it with him. Also, the two of you might have to go to counseling once he gets himself together and you might ask about going with him to a meeting. He might need different things from you right now, like you being there for him all the time and understanding that he can't be there for you right now.

Answer 5

He is in a tough situation. He needs to be around those people who are struggling the same way he is struggling. It would be good if he could also get a small job, even if it was delivering newspapers or something like that.

He needs strength to spend time with you, as you are not a fellow sufferer. In another year or so, he will be out of this stage and will be a lot stronger.

Good luck to both of you!

Answer 6

He is probably bored of you but does not want someone else to have you either - or he is seeing someone from the program. Make plans for yourself - hang out with your friends - go away for the weekend. It's not helping your relationship that you are always available. The only way he will realise how lucky he is to have you is after you have ditched him - then it's up to you to decide if you want him back.

Answer 7

He is going through a hard time right. He needs to do this by himself. I know it is hard but he needs to find himself before he can really let you in. Has he always had a drug promblem since yall have been together? Ask yourself this one question what started him to use. Give him time. There is so many steps to take to recover. Just let him know that you are there for him right now. My prayers are with him to get over this.

Answer 8

learning to trust ur partner means trusting urself. if u r sure u loved him truly then there s no reason for insecurities ( such as feeling he's cheating). true love means not really expecting returns ( i know youve been together long and it becomes unusual for u) if he's not interested to see u these days while he is in the sober home, give him space and time and trust God that if he is really the guy for you, you'll be happy in the end otherwise trust God that he will give you the guy worthy for your kind of love.

Answer 9

let it go on for awhile yet and in the meantime get a life why do you never have your own plans? do something too its like maybe he feels too much pressure . sometimes something like that takes time. if so give him space but go out with friends ect. but if it con't and ties up you when you want to move on then do.

Answer 10

u are his gurl friend and u love him but it doesn't mean that u have to keep checkin on him all the time give him some space when he says am wrokin on my recovery it means leave me alone for some times , let him to be alone ....he will come to know about every thing when he lost his life n gurl and every thing ur are not resposible for some one who wants to be like that...just give him a big space ....