My husband and I are arguing over my insecurities. He told me this weekend that if things don't change our marriage is not going to last. All he wants is for me to trust him. I am always thinking the worst. If he doesn't answer his phone I automatically think about another woman. If he's gone somewhere and I am at home I start thinking all these thoughts! I know it's me obsessing but I can't seem to make my head shut up. He has never done anything to make me feel this way. I know this comes from past relationships, being hurt and cheated on. I know that he is not like that. He tells me, "I married you, I love you, why can't you get that through your head". I know he loves me and I know he wouldn't cheat on me. All he does is work and come home!! It's like my heart says one thing and my head says another. I am going to loose him if I don't quit letting my insecurites rule me! What can I do to trust my husband?
2006-09-25 02:34:31 · 5 answers · asked by faith 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It doesn't have anything to do with trust - You said it, it has to do with the past and that is just it "the past" and it will ruin everything if you let it!!! You can't take it out on him b/c you've been hurt in the past and your anxiety runs away wild with you. I understand completely! I do this same thing I am also bipolar and sometimes to shut the anxiety and negitive off it just can't be done but I have learned and still am a lot and how to deal... Like you said you can't let it rule, so remember when you start to feel this way don't give into it...
Sometimes I get up and start cleaning something that needs it or I start a craft or go for a walk just to get my mind off from it. As soon as you feel it start to come on take a hot bath, run cold water on your face, tell your self I am in control not my past or my emotions. Tell yourself he will call when he gets the chance (and you know he will, he always does,) when your mind is saying all these things about him and other women put your foot down to it, do not allow them to enter and just as fast as the enter cast them out and if and when they do and you can't catch it before you're all caught up in to it, exspell the thoughts and argue with yourself telling yourself that you know differently and this is not what is happening. Tell yourself over and over he is not the x's and you want to keep it that way, so over come the negitive and self destructing behavior.
I have also noticed I do this most during and right after PMS this is the times I most have the problems with it. I believe it is hormonal! Take Midol the blue gel capsuls this is the only thing that works for me...
I do everything I have listed above, splashing cold water on your face sounds crazy but it really works, the cold water and the different change in tempature triggers different parts of the brain suddenly, that is why this works, it refreashes you in a certain kind of way... Affrimations work and doing others activies work, walking gets rid of the negitive energy you are not able to control.... All will be well and better - high light and print or copy this for future reference they have all helped me and still help me...Good luck
2006-09-25 03:08:56 · answer #1 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a good answer coming from someone that has the same problem. I have been with my husband for 14 years only we have been married for 6. But I decoded to go to counceling and it seemed to help. Just finding someone to talk to that cannot take sides helps because you will not feel like they are being unfair. I still have to do this but I have had the bad relationship in the past. Just try and get your mind on something else when he is not around. The more time you got to think then your mind will come up with ideas of him cheating. Good luck and hope everything works out.
2006-09-25 03:01:39 · answer #2 · answered by tisha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is right... No relationship will ever work without trust.
Either he will get tired of your false accusations all the time or you will not be able to deal with your insecurities. So try to get some help and good luck.
2006-09-25 02:43:53 · answer #3 · answered by BORED AT WORK 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you answered this yourself! Just reread what you asked the answer is there.Good Luck!P.S.Self observation ,it works wonders.
2006-09-25 02:43:12 · answer #4 · answered by dennyh65 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get counselling.
2006-09-25 02:36:25 · answer #5 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋